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Living Room / Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« on: November 03, 2009, 07:40 PM »
A trucker is transporting some valuable penguins from the Philadelphia Zoo to the Bronx Zoo during a heat wave in August, when his large refrigerated truck breaks down not far from the Bronx.  Just as the penguins are about to expire, the trucker waives down an icecream vendor and offers him $500 to take the penguins to the Bronx Zoo.  The icecream vendor agrees and off they go.

Several hours later, the truck is fixed and the trucker goes to the Bronx Zoo to check on his penguins.  They are nowhere to be seen.  He puts out an alert and gets all of the New City police searching for the penguins.

Finally, he sees a large crowd and commotion outside a movie theater in Times Square.  There in the middle of things is the icecream vendor and all the penguins.  The trucker charges up to the icecream vendor and asks him what on earth the penguins are doing THERE and why he didn't take them to the zoo.

To which the icecream vendor replies:  "I DID take them to the zoo. But I had some money left over, so I decided to take them to the movies."

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Living Room / Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« on: November 02, 2009, 02:12 PM »
 >:D

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Living Room / What's your favorite LOL joke?
« on: November 02, 2009, 01:32 PM »
I'll start with this one:

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.''  I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar! He never did any of that shit.

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Living Room / Re: Help? Learning how to drive...
« on: August 22, 2009, 10:29 PM »
You must be so exited about learning to drive!  By now, you know that the act of driving is easy (step on one pedal to move and another to stop, plus a wheel to turn the.  The hard part is knowing what to do when.  I've taught several people to drive, and suggest you do the following:

1.  stick with with 45-minute practice sessions:  keep the sessions short and end before you lose your confidence.

2.  find someone to ride with you who doesn't make you crazy. and can break down the maneuvers in a way that is helpful for you.  I have heard it said that it shouldn't be a parent, but don't believe it. If you have a parent or grandparent who you trust to do the job, go for it.  Probably the only taboo would be a sibling; they can really make you crazy.

3.  remember that there are "rules" and protocol.  It is helpful to know the rules, but even more important to know the protocol:  who is "supposed" to be able to do something, as opposed to watching the behavior of other cars and letting them know what you plan to do.

4.  Stay far enough behind the car in front of you that you can accommodate any stupid thing they might do.  Put even more space between you and the car in front of you if it looks like the car (or truck) in front of that car, or behind you, is apt to do something stupid.

5.  Remember that the purpose of your signals is to let other drivers know what you want to do.  So, apply them early enough and they find the right opportunity to do what you meant to do -- and be sure to discontinue the signal once you have done what you want to do.

6.  Scan the perimeter of the road, the way you would a video, looking for speed-limit signs, and comply with them.  Drive like there's a cop behind you -- probably because there will be, especially if you're young.

7.  Never never ever text or talk on the phone while you're driving!!  This is the most important thing to remember (and sometimes the hardest when your friends are accustomed to having you respond right away).  Just tell them you will not be responding while you're driving and wait until you have reached your destination safely to take a look.

Driving is a real sign of independence.  Think how great it will be to be doing it for a long, long time.

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Living Room / Re: The Geek's "100 things to do before you die" list
« on: May 06, 2009, 08:23 PM »
I thought all geeks were required to learn pen twirling.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqSrGciObbs

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