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Apparently the highly regarded (but not free) BeyondCompare is able to do both things. This thread from their forum explains how:

Posts 1 to 6 in that thread cover your first requirement (ignoring sizes and dates), while posts 7 and 8 cover the second, and trickier, requirement (ignoring file extensions)

Hope it helps

what I really want is people to be able to comment on my photos on *my* site with a Facebook account

Maybe you already know this, but just in case.
Apparently you can do what you want with Smugmug: Contact a Hero and Bug Fixes – February 12, 2009 « The SmugMug Blog :)

We took advantage of Facebook Connect so you can now login to your Facebook account when leaving a comment at SmugMug

I'm glad you found the information useful, JavaJones
I agree with your views about Facebook's Terms of Service regarding pictures. I also don't feel comfortable leaving my pics on facebook, but I don't go as far as deleting them regularly. I guess I'll just take my chances and hope they never choose one of my wild party pics for one of their ads :D

I really wish there were a better, unified alternative. Maybe something with Facebook Connect so my FB friends could easily comment, but with better ToS than FB itself. Hmm...

A couple of alternatives, using 23, that are not exactly what you want but come pretty close, I think:

  • When you post a photograph on, you have a "Post to facebook" button on each page so you can easily transfer that pic to your facebook wall and have your friends see it and comment. Afterwards, you can delete that posting from you wall and the original pic stays in 23
  • You could use a facebook RSS app, such as the popular RSS Grafitti, to automatically read your RSS feed at 23 (they do provide an RSS feed for each user) and publish those pictures to your facebook wall. Everything should be automatic. Every time you upload a pic to 23, that photograph would show up on your facebook wall. Of course, you can later delete that post from facebook if so you wish.

I haven't tried any of those alternatives myself but they should work without much trouble.

Have any of you considered self-hosting vs. the big hosted sites discussed here? If so, why did you decide against it?

It did cross my mind for a moment but I thought it'd be too much trouble to set up a full gallery application, on top of the required database, just to post pictures. Plus, I'd have to keep it secure and updated. Maybe I'm wrong and it's simpler than it looks, but I decided against it.
Anyway, here's a link to a comparison chart of photo gallery software at Wikipedia: Comparison of photo gallery software

I know I'm late with this reply (hopefully not late enough to be accused of necroposting :)), but I wanted to add some information that may be useful if someone finds this thread through a search.
I've been looking for a while for a good Flickr alternative that doesn't suffer from Flickr's shortcomings (censorship, only 200 pictures visible for free accounts, etc.), and I've reached a conclusion: while feature-wise there are indeed good, even better, alternatives to Flickr, community-wise there are none.
So, if sharing your pics with as many people as possible and participating in active discussion groups and commenting other people's work is important to you, you'll just have to put up with Flickr.

BUT, if those aspects are not essential to you, there are some great alternative, both free and paid. In the "paid" category, smugmug, phanfare and a few other sites are reportedly very good, but I didn't research them exhaustively because I was looking for a free alternative to Flickr.
In the "free" category, there are quite a lot of websites. Unfortunately, most of them lack features present in Flickr and/or are almost inactive. Here's a non-exhaustive list of photo sharing website from wikipedia: List of photo sharing websites

Let me quicky point out that I'm ignoring websites like Snapfish, Shutterfly, Webshots, etc. in this comparison because, although they are very popular, they have a different target audience.

Zooomr seemed to be a good site, but it looks like it's closed and won't reopen.
Ipernity, which was one of the websites evaluated by Tomos, is particularly good and would be one of my top 2 choices if it weren't for the fact that it seems to have been abandoned at some point during 2010. No new developments have been announced and the developer team's blog has no new posts since September 2010.

There are some other alternatives, but I wouldn't like to make this post too long, so I'll just jump to what I consider the best free photo sharing website: 23
Yes, that's the name: 23
It has basically all the features Flickr does, and probably some more (albums, slideshows, groups, tags, comments, calendar, etc.). The only restriction for free accounts is that you can only upload 30 pictures per month, but they allow you to upload 300 the first week after you sign up, so you can transfer your pics from somewhere else. Although it too doesn't seem to be in very active development, it looks in a better state than Ipernity and Zooomr.
In particular, I think it does fulfill Tomos' ideal requirements:

My ideal would be with:
    [*]decent slideshow style view but where one moves manaully from one image to the next
    [*]manually sortable display - i.e. move this foto up/down forwards/backwards in the display - all sites seem to sort only by upload

    If you're looking for a good alternative to Flickr, 23 is definitely worth checking out.

    ShadowProtect is a great disk imaging program indeed, and extremely useful for Windows XP systems. But with Windows 7 including a built-in system image backup I wonder what advantages does ShadowProtect have now over the built-in Windows alternative. At least in your case (system drive dying), it looks like the built in program would have saved you too. But maybe I'm wrong.
    Anyone with more experience with both alternatives care to comment on this?

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