Basically the same things I look for in a woman:  it does what it says it will do, or more, but never less.  It doesn't thrash my machine.  It isn't priced beyond the value of its functionality to me.  And in descending order of importance: it's fast, simple, and looks pretty.  8)

I didn't find it very funny at all.  People have no idea how precious few 'bad hair days' I've had before trying the natural remedy out of sheer desperation.  You try going around saying things like 'Wow, love your smile!', 'I think the world is lucky to have someone like you in it!', 'What a beautiful day!', and 'I have so much to be thankful for, I think I'll write a love letter to Oprah.'  Ostracism, death threats, and the withholding of se...umm...hugs with benefits followed me around until I hit cloud nine.  That was my wake up call; today, however, I'm sad to report that I've been at rock bottom for over a month now.  Sure, there will probably be days when I get back on the wagon again, but I have friends now, bad friends, who are willing to pull me off.  Thanks for nothing.