1. Calvin: “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” [2.840] 2. Calvin: “I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.” [800] 3. Calvin: “Reality continues to ruin my life.” [750] 4. Calvin: “People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.” [591] 5. Calvin: “It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.” [435] 6. Calvin: “You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.” [374] 7. Calvin: “I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.” [298] 8. Calvin: “I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.” [295] 9. Hobbes: “I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.” [289] 10. Calvin: “It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” [285] 11. Calvin: “There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” [270] 12. Calvin: “Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?” [250] 13. Calvin: “It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.” [247] 14. Calvin: “I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.” [230] 15. Calvin: “It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring!” [222] 16. Calvin: “You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!” [213] 17. Hobbes: “What fun is being *cool* if you can't wear a sombrero?” [189] 18. Calvin: “From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.” [168] 19. Calvin: “Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!” [168] 20. Calvin: “I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.” [163] 21. Calvin: “To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.” [160] 22. Calvin's Dad: “It will build character.” [154] 23. Calvin: “Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!” [152] 24. Calvin: “Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon, everything is different.” [150] 25. Calvin: “That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!” [149] 26. Hobbes: “If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!” [147] 27. Calvin: “Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.” [141] 28. Calvin: “It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.” [123] 29. Calvin: “My life needs a rewind/erase button.” [119] 30. Calvin: “I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.” [118] 31. Calvin: “A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.” [118] 32. Hobbes: “The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.” [111] 33. Calvin: “I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.” [111] 34. Calvin: “It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.” [108] 35. Hobbes: “If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.” [106] 36. Calvin: “How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?” [106] 37. Calvin: “This is what entertainment is all about: idiots, explosives and falling anvils.” [106] 38. Calvin: “Know what I pray for? The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.” [102] 39. Calvin: “Childhood is short and maturity is forever.” [102] 40. Hobbes: “This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen...” [100] 41. Hobbes: “There's more to this world than just people, you know.” [99] 42. Calvin: “That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.” [99] 43. Susie: “Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out-of-body experience.” [98] 44. Calvin: “I'd hate to have a kid like me.” [97] 45. Calvin: “I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.” [97] 46. Calvin: “Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.” [92] 47. Calvin: “I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.” [91] 48. Calvin: “Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.” [89] 49. Calvin: “In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.” [89] 50. Calvin: “Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!” [88] Englisches Originalzitat Deutsche Übersetzung 1. Calvin: “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” [2.840] Calvin: “Manchmal glaube ich, der beste Beweis dafür, dass es anderswo im Weltall intelligentes Leben gibt, ist der, dass noch niemand versucht hat, Kontakt mit uns aufzunehmen.” 2. Calvin: “I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.” [800] Calvin: “Ich finde, wer am Ende des Tages keine grünen Knie hat, sollte sein Leben ernsthaft überdenken.” 3. Calvin: “Reality continues to ruin my life.” [750] Calvin: “Die Realität ruiniert mal wieder mein Leben.” 4. Calvin: “People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.” [591] Calvin: “Die Leute glauben, dass es toll sein muss, ein Genie zu sein, aber sie kapieren einfach nicht, wie hart es ist, sich mit den ganzen Idioten auf der Welt herumschlagen zu müssen.” 5. Calvin: “It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.” [435] Calvin: “Es ist keine Verweigerung. Ich bin nur sehr wählerisch mit der Realität, die ich akzeptiere.” 6. Calvin: “You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.” [374] Calvin: “Weißt du, Hobbes, an manchen Tagen helfen nicht mal meine Glücksraumschiffunterhosen.” 7. Calvin: “I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.” [298] Calvin: “Ich habe Mami gefragt, ob ich ein begabtes Kind bin... Sie meinte, dass sie für mich sicher nichts ausgegeben hätten.” 8. Calvin: “I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.” [295] Calvin: “Ich bin nicht dumm. Ich verfüge nur über jede Menge unverwertbarer Informationen.” 9. Hobbes: “I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.” [289] Hobbes: “Ich glaube, wir träumen, damit wir nicht so lange getrennt sind. Wenn wir voneinander träumen, können wir die ganze Nacht zusammen spielen.” 10. Calvin: “It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” [285] Calvin: “Es ist schwer, fromm zu sein, wenn auf gewisse Menschen nie ein Blitzstrahl niedersaust.” 11. Calvin: “There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” [270] Calvin: “Es ist nie genug Zeit, so viel nichts zu tun, wie man eigentlich vorhat.” 12. Calvin: “Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?” [250] Calvin: “Warum soll man seine Zeit mit Lernen verschwenden, wenn man Dummheit sofort kriegen kann...?” 13. Calvin: “It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.” [247] Calvin: “Es ist nicht das Tempo des Lebens, was mich beunruhigt. Es ist das plötzliche Ende.” 14. Calvin: “I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.” [230] Calvin: “Ich muss nicht von meinen Prinzipien abweichen, weil sie ohnehin keinerlei Einfluss darauf haben, was mit mir geschieht.” 15. Calvin: “It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring!” [222] Calvin: “Es ist eine zauberhafte Welt, Hobbes alter Freund. Lass uns auf Entdeckungsreise gehen!” 16. Calvin: “You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!” [213] Calvin: “Weißt du, was für schlechte Noten Einstein als Kind bekommen hat? Nun, meine sind sogar noch schlechter!” 17. Hobbes: “What fun is being *cool* if you can't wear a sombrero?” [189] Hobbes: “Was ist der Spaß am Coolsein, wenn man keinen Sombrero tragen darf?” 18. Calvin: “From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.” [168] Calvin: “Ab jetzt verbinde ich die Punkte, wie ich es will.” 18. Calvin: “Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!” [168] Calvin: “Warum muss ich für alles ARBEITEN?! Das ist ja, als würde ich es nicht verdienen!.” 20. Calvin: “I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.” [163] Calvin: “Ich habe meine Gedanken wandern lassen, und sie sind nicht zurückgekommen.” 21. Calvin: “To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.” [160] Calvin: “Damit aus einem schlechten Tag ein miserabler wird, verbringe ihn damit, das Unmögliche zu wollen.” 22. Calvin's Dad: “It will build character.” [154] Calvins Vater: “Es wird den Charakter bilden.” 23. Calvin: “Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!” [152] Calvin: “Oh, großer Altar der passiven Unterhaltung... Gewähre mir deine verwirrenden Bilder in solchem Tempo, dass lineares Denken unmöglich wird.” 24. Calvin: “Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon, everything is different.” [150] Calvin: “Tag für Tag scheint sich nichts zu ändern, aber schon bald ist alles anders.” 25. Calvin: “That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!” [149] Calvin: “Das ist der Unterschied zwischen mir und dem Rest der Welt! Glück ist mir nicht genug, ich verlange Euphorie!” 26. Hobbes: “If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!” [147] Hobbes: “Wenn wir nichts absurdes finden können, müssen wir eben selbst etwas absurdes machen.” 27. Calvin: “Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.” [141] Calvin: “Wochenenden zählen nur, wenn man sie mit völlig sinnlosen Tätigkeiten verbringt.” 28. Calvin: “It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.” [123] Calvin: “Ich weiß nicht, offensichtlich haben die Leute, wenn sie erwachsen werden, keine Ahnung mehr, was cool ist.” 29. Calvin: “My life needs a rewind/erase button.” [119] Calvin: “Mein Leben benötigt einen Rücklauf/Löschen-Schalter.” 30. Calvin: “I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.” [118] Calvin: “Ich esse kein Müsli, das die Milch nicht lila färbt.” 30. Calvin: “A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.” [118] Calvin: “Ein bisschen Grobheit und Unhöflichkeit kann eine bedeutungslose Interaktion zum Machtkampf erheben und Spannung in einen ansonsten öden Tag bringen.” 32. Hobbes: “The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.” [111] Hobbes: “Das Problem mit der Zukunft ist, dass sie zur Gegenwart wird.” 32. Calvin: “I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.” [111] Calvin: “Ich weine, weil er nicht mehr auf der Welt ist, aber in mir weiterlebt.” 34. Calvin: “It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.” [108] Calvin: “Es ist psychosomatisch. Du musst dich einer Gehirnoperation unterziehen. Ich hole eine Säge.” 35. Hobbes: “If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.” [106] Hobbes: “Könnten die Menschen Regenbögen in Zoos stecken, sie würden’s glatt tun.” 36. Calvin: “How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?” [106] Calvin: “Wie viele Orden würden die Kurden horten, könnten die Kurdenhorten nur einen Orden orten?” 37. Calvin: “This is what entertainment is all about: idiots, explosives and falling anvils.” [106] Calvin: “Das ist echte Unterhaltung! ...Deppen, Dynamit und stürzende Ambosse.” 38. Calvin: “Know what I pray for? The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.” [102] Calvin: “Weißt du, worum ich Gott bitte? Die Kraft zu ändern, was ich kann, das Unvermögen zu akzeptieren, was ich nicht kann, und die Unfähigkeit, den Unterschied zu erkennen.” 38. Calvin: “Childhood is short and maturity is forever.” [102] Calvin: “Die Kindheit ist kurz und das Leben ist lang.” 40. Hobbes: “This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen...” [100] Hobbes: “Das ist eine schwere Aufgabe. Man braucht dafür imaginäre Zahlen, wie elfzehn...” 41. Hobbes: “There's more to this world than just people, you know.” [99] Hobbes: “Es gibt mehr als nur Menschen auf dieser Welt, weißt du?” 41. Calvin: “That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.” [99] Calvin: “Das ist das erstaunliche am Leben. Es ist nie so schlimm, dass es nicht noch schlimmer kommen könnte.” 43. Susie: “Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out-of-body experience.” [98] Susi: “Mit dir zu reden, ist so etwas ähnliches wie das verbale Äquivalent einer außerkörperlichen Erfahrung.” 44. Calvin: “I'd hate to have a kid like me.” [97] Calvin: “Ich würde es hassen, ein Kind wie mich zu haben.” 44. Calvin: “I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.” [97] Calvin: “Ich gebe mir Mühe, jedermanns Tag ein wenig surrealistischer zu gestalten.” 46. Calvin: “Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.” [92] Calvin: “Mädchen sind wie Nacktschnecken - sie haben vermutlich irgendeinen Nutzen, aber es ist verdammt schwierig sich vorzustellen, welchen.” 47. Calvin: “I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.” [91] Calvin: “Ich schlage vor, wir überlassen Mathe den Maschinen und gehen draußen spielen.” 48. Calvin: “Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.” [89] Calvin: “Die Dinge sind nie so unheimlich, wenn dein bester Freund bei dir ist.” 48. Calvin: “In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.” [89] Calvin: “Meiner Ansicht nach verwenden wir nicht annährend genug wissenschaftliche Forschung darauf, ein Mittel gegen Idiotie zu finden.” 50. Calvin: “Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!” [88] Calvin: “Na, dann merk dir, was du gesagt hast, weil mir nämlich in ein bis zwei Tagen eine scharfsinnige und bissige Antwort einfällt! Dann wirst du total fertig sein, das schwör ich dir!” 51. Hobbes: “I like to say 'quark'! Quark, quark, quark, quark!” [84] 52. Calvin: “I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity.” [83] 53. Calvin: “The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.” [83] 54. Calvin: “Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?” [81] 55. Calvin: “Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.” [81] 56. Calvin: “I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.” [78] 57. Calvin: “If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.” [77] 58. Calvin: “People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.” [72] 59. Hobbes: “I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.” [71] 60. Calvin: “When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation.” [71] 61. Calvin's Dad: “The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.” [69] 62. Calvin: “As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.” [69] 63. Calvin: “Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. Sincerely, Calvin.” [68] 64. Calvin: “I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.” [67] 65. Calvin: “I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life... Procrastinating and rationalizing.” [66] 66. Hobbes: “The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.” [62] 67. Calvin: “You can present the material, but you can't make me care.” [62] 68. Calvin: “Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?” [62] 69. Calvin: “I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.” [62] 70. Calvin: “But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the *old* gods! He demands sacrifice!” [62] 71. Calvin: “I liked things better when I didn't understand them.” [61] 72. Calvin: “As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.” [61] 73. Hobbes: “So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?” [60] 74. Calvin: “I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport.” [60] 75. Calvin: “I couldn't read it because my parents forgot to pay the gravity bill.” [59] 76. Hobbes: “You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger!” [53] 77. Calvin: “I'M SIGNIFICANT! ...screamed the dust speck.” [53] 78. Calvin: “Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.” [49] 79. Calvin: “I was going to be a neo-deconstructivist but Mom wouldn't let me.” [45] 80. Calvin: “Given that sooner or later we're all just going to die, what's the point of learning about integers?” [45] 81. Calvin: “Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.” [44] 82. Calvin: “Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.” [42] 83. Calvin: “Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.” [39] 84. Calvin: “I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.” [37] 85. Calvin: “There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.” [37] 86. Calvin: “I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.” [37] 87. Hobbes: “Live and don't learn, that's us.” [36] 88. Hobbes: “The best presents don't come in boxes.” [34] 89. Hobbes: “It's only work if somebody makes you do it.” [30] 90. Calvin: “Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.” [30] 91. Hobbes: “You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human.” [20] 92. Calvin: “The worst part is that I don't even have the fun of doing the things I'm getting blamed for.” [17] 93. Calvin's Dad: “Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.” [10] 94. Hobbes: “Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.” [8] 95. Calvin: "In the short term it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the very long term i know which will make better memories.” [5]