Internet people love acronyms because they make communication much more efficient, as we can see from the following typical conversation:     \nPerson A: What's up?    \nPerson B: Not much.   \nPerson A: LOL. HEFY?    \nPerson B: ROTFL.      \nPerson C: PMFJ, but IMHO,     \nOJIOGBUOLSWMR   \nTJVAIFWNTMITSI   \nHDHGCOAC.    \nDave Barry, Dave Barry In Cyberspace
Telling computer guys that they need to have permission to quote things is like having to tell little children about Death.     \nTed Nelson
People says Microsoft paid 14 million dollars for using the Rolling Stones song "Start me up" in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft paid 14 million dollars only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line "You'll make a grown man cry".
The number of the beast - vi vi vi    \nWorld Wide Web
EASY TO INSTALL = Difficult to install, but instruction manual has pictures.
Why we all love the PC: A program "Hard Disk LED v1.1", which simulates the light that tells you your harddrive is spinning, takes 1.2 MB zip-archived.
Has everyone been incapacitated by a unknown virus introduced into the world population in order to incapacitate internet users by slowing typing speed to a reallllly slow pace ....or am I just lagged?    \nDeidre, #se-opers
It can take quite a while for a Web page to appear on your screen. The reason for the delay is that, when you type in a Web address, your computer passes it along to another computer, which in turn passes it along to another computer, and so on through as many as 5 computers before it finally reaches the work station of a disgruntled U.S. Postal Service employee, who throws it in the trash.       \nDave Barry, Dave Barry In Cyberspace
You should use the preceding terms whenever you have to "interface"¹ with computer experts. For example, if you're purchasing a new computer, you want to use as many of these terms as possible, so that store personnel will realize that they're dealing with a person who has a high level of technical expertise:  \nSTORE PERSONNEL: May I help you?     \nYOU: I'm looking for a "hard drive" with plenty of "RAM" in the "megahertz."      \nSTORE PERSONNEL: You want the computer store next door. This is a supermarket.       \nYOU: Let me see your "zucchini."        \nDave Barry, Dave Barry In Cyberspace   
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and [Unix] BSD. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.      \nJeremy S. Anderson
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.       \nMitch Ratcliffe, "Technology Review" (1992)
Basically, Doom is a (violent) 3D arcade game where you run around in a maze and kill things with shotguns and chainsaws.... After you get tired of killing things, you can run it over a network and kill things together with your friends. After you get tired of that, you can kill your friends.    \nFrequently Asked Questions: Doom
Hello, Sailor!      \nZork II
Cyberspace. A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation, by children being taught mathematical concepts... A graphic representation of data abstracted from the banks of every computer in the human system. Unthinkable complexity. Lines of light ranged in the nonspace of the mind, clusters and constellations of data. Like city lights, receding...       \nWilliam Gibson, "Neuromancer"
This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin colour, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.     \n"Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like.    \n"My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for. I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.         \nThe Mentor, "The Conscience of a Hacker"  
Ever notice that the AT&T Logo looks like the DEATH STAR?
The Demise of the DiskDoctor:    \nThe story I was told goes something like this. The software folks were not quite sure whether DiskDoctor should be dumped or improved, so they decided to leave it up to DiskDoctor itself. They put the DiskDoctor source on an old floppy, then ran DiskDoctor on it. As often happened, DiskDoctor damaged this undamaged disk. So, while it's often said that DiskDoctor was "sued for malpractice", it's more correct to state that DiskDoctor committed suicide.    \nDave Haynie, from the manual of DiskSalv (Amiga)
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.    \nRobert Firth
You are in a maze twisty little passages, all alike.     \nAdventure
Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?   \nBecause OCT(31) = DEC(25)
!retupmoc eht ni deppart m'I !pleH
Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about the tenth century A.D., and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN abandoned the practice.      \nSun FORTRAN Reference Manual
On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.    \nPeter Steiner
Personal Web pages are the '90s equivalent of home video, except that you don't have to visit someone else's house to fall asleep - you can do so in the comfort of your own home.    \nRay Valdes
It's like being in a library where someone has scattered all the books on the floor, attached them together with threads and you are in the dark.       \nMorningSide, CBC Radio, about the WWW
0x2B | ~0x2B     \nHamlet
When all else fails, read the manual.
Computer Science:  \n1. A study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the precision of the former and the success of the latter.      \n2. The boring art of coping with a large number of trivialities.    \nStan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.    \nZork I
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.    \nMaurice Wilkes discovers debugging in 1949
Meet yourself! Commit suicide and type "hack"
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, "Is there a God?". Lights started blinking, flashing and blinking some more. Suddenly, there was a loud crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky, struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently together.     \n"There is now", came the reply.
I'm having the time of my bytes!
I wish I had a brain....
It's bad luck to drown a postman.
I do not fear computers, I fear the lack of them    \nIsaac Asimov
To boldly phone where no one has phoned before.
"Intel Inside" is a Government Warning requied by Law.
DOS 6: Because there aren't enough problems in the world already.
I have a 28.800 bps modem and 11 bps fingers.
SYSOP ('sih sop) n.: the guy laughing at your typing.
Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN!
It's like talking to dung.     \nHeard after a Mac destroyed a vital file
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Those who can't write, write help files.
Do androids dream of electric sheep?    \nAsimov
Keyboard missing - press F3 to continue     \nMessage seen on an Apricot PC
"MS Windows User?"   \n"Yes..."     \n"Good. Line on the left, one cross each."
Drop your carrier, we have you surrounded!
A friend of mine in a compiler writing class produced a compiler with one error message "you lied to me when you told me this was a program"
Call me paranoid but finding '/*' inside this comment makes me suspicious
UNIX was never designed to keep people from doing stupid things, because that policy would also keep them from doing clever things.      \nDoug Gwyn
A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.   \nRobert X. Cringely, InfoWorld
I found this in an electronic commerce software example products file (Goldpaint):     \n[Pocket Lawyer]   \n[stuffed person]   \n[What a unique gift for your favorite lawyer or friends who needs one! Just squeeze him and hear legal phrases like, "My client is innocent", "This is an outrage", "I'll see you in court", and "Pay up you dead beat." He carries a briefcase and is dressed in a gray suit, white shirt and striped tie. He measures 7" tall and comes with a life-time battery included. Our pocket lawyer -- don't go to court without him.]
Even though Mac Users may be only 10% of the market, always remember that we are the TOP 10%     \nDouglas Adams
Less than 1% of the world population has access to internet; 50% never touched a telephone      \nComputerworld, 10 june 1996
UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus.    \nPeter H. Coffin
The more you play with us, the bigger we get    \nBethesda Softworks official slogan (makes computer games)
You haven't lived until you've died in a MUD!
Store your CDs in their protective case.      \nHandle your CDs by the edges. Avoid smudging or scratching the surface.   \nDo not leave your CDs in direct sunlight or near a radiator or other heat source.   \nDo not bend your CDs.  \nDo not dip your CDs into sulfuric acid.      \nDo not drill holes in your CDs, or pound them with heavy sledge hammers.     \nDo not put your CDs in the washing machine -- but if you insist on doing so, please use the cycle for delicate fabrics.    \n\nFrom the Manual to The Space Bar (by legend Steve Meretzky)
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.      \nJeff Raskin
A human never stands so tall as when stooping to help a small computer.    \nInfocom motto
UNIX is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully
Windows 95:     \n32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand for 1 bit of competition.
A few of the events at the DEF CON V hacker convention 1997:   \nHacker jeopardy    \nFree beer      \nThe TCP/IP drinking game      \nRadio burst cannon demonstration   \nand the famous    \n5th annual spot the fed contest
Interesting things that you learn about computers in movies:    \nWord processors never display a cursor.     \nYou never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.     \nAll monitors display 2 inch high letters.    \nHigh-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.  \nThose that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.   \nCorollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.    \nLikewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS."    \nPowerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.   \nPeople typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.    \nA hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.       \nIf you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen.     \nWhenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII -- and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.        \nDouglas Adams
The future masters of technology will have to be lighthearted and intelligent.
The machine easily masters the grim and the dumb.     \nMarshall McLuhan, 1969
You know you're an email-junkie when...   \nYou wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.  \nYou turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.            \nYou start using smileys in your snail mail.    \nYou check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Java technology is not fault tolerant and is not designed, manufactured, or intended for use or resale as online control equipment in hazardous environments [...] in which the failure of Java technology could lead directly to death, personal injury, or severe physical or environmental damage.      \nMicrosoft IIS license
Have you crashed your Windows today?
WindowError 0016 Windows loaded. System in danger.    \nWindowError 0046 Erronious error. Nothing wrong.      \nWindowError 0096 Horrible bug encounterd. God knows what has happened.     \nWindowError 00C6 Memory hog error. More ram needed. More! More!           \nWindowError 00F6 Unexplaind error. Please tell us how it happened.                       \nWindowError 0106 Reserved for future mistakes                                  \nWindowError 0146 Nonexisent error. This cannot really be happening.            \nWindowError 01B6 Illegal error. Do not get this error.                       \nWindowError 056: Operator fell asleep while waiting.               \n\nInternet is a good way to get into the Net    \nBob Dole 1996
Someday we'll look back at the videogame era of the 1980s and '90s, and wonder why anyone played solitary games. How dull! How sorry. That episode will be a pathological quirk in the history of games - which have always been multiplayer, and soon will always be so again.   \nScott - Netrek player, 1993
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321    \nUseless facts
When cryptography is outlawed only outlaws will have cryptography
Tips to make your life and reality more computer-adapted:     \nDoubleclick all buttons    \nPut bookmarks on your favourite locations    \nCheck your mailbox every 10 minutes   \nStart a newsgroup at the noteboard of your local supermarket     \nRecover things from the trashbin that you regret you threw away      \nWhen you show emotions, turn your head vertically and make faces  \nWhen something goes wrong during the day, reboot: go home, go to sleep and start over
Alcatrax: Who the hell is this ISDN guy, and why is everyone looking for him?  \nHeard on IRC
640K ought to be enough for anybody.    \nBill Gates (attributed, not true)
Don't fall asleep. You're face will be full of letters.
1st Law of the Internet states that the answer is on the Internet. Therefore the quest is no longer "Where to find the answer" but "How to word the question". \nRandi
A hacker is compulsively curious while a code-cracker is obsessively determined. These personality traits sets them part.  \nLJSTafford
A computer is like the union, it never works unless you spend money on it.  \nThe Silent Thinker
Windows 95 and Windows 98, the only operating systems that has the year-2000 bug built into the name.    \nThe Internet
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.  \nAndrew Tanenbaum
Artificial intellegence is no match for natural stupidity.        \nSarah Chambers
It has been said that if you place an infinite amount of monkies by one typewriter each, one of them will eventually write a literary masterpiece. The Internet has proven that this is not the case.   \nThe Internet
While I don't claim to be a great programmer, I try to imitate one. An important trait of the great ones is constructive laziness. They know that you get an A not for effort but for results [...]      \nEric S. Raymond, "The Cathedral and the Bazaar"
[about programming] "You often don't really understand the problem until after the first time you implement a solution. The second time, maybe you know enough to do it right. So if you want to get it right, be ready to start over at least once."     \nEric S. Raymond, "The Cathedral and the Bazaar"
The moral? Don't hesitate to throw away superannuated features when you can do it without loss of effectiveness. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (who was an aviator and aircraft designer when he wasn't being the author of classic children's books) said:    \n13. "Perfection (in design) is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but rather when there is nothing more to take away."   \nEric S. Raymond, "The Cathedral and the Bazaar"
Perhaps in the end the open-source culture will triumph not because cooperation is morally right or software "hoarding"' is morally wrong (assuming you believe the latter, which neither Linus nor I do), but simply because the closed-source world cannot win an evolutionary arms race with open-source communities that can put orders of magnitude more skilled time into a problem.       \nEric S. Raymond, "The Cathedral and the Bazaar"
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.    \nRobert Cringley  \nA:>hello    \nbad command or file name       \nA:>help      \nbad command or file name   \nA:>do somthing!     \nbad command or file name        \nA:> F#$k you!!!!     \nbad command or file name, A#@hole   \nDave Barry, \"Dave Barry in Cyberspace\"
I have a nice perspective on what it means to be in charge of the most important project in the history of mankind.   \nBrian Valentine, Windows 2000 Project Manager
Sending a good link to a nice juicy shocker of a website is the net equivalent of bumping into a celebrity or bedding someone desirable. You get massive kudos from your peers. People are impressed. They're suddenöt interested in you. They imagine you're some kind of wild Internet frontiersman / treasure hunter for whom the Web is like some small, easily explored patio. You're on a one-man USS Enterrprise out on a mission to discover strange new pictures of really fat people and to send them back to entertain us, mere mortals.   \nFocus, Aug 1999
Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that.
It said, \"Insert disk #3,\" but only two will fit!
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Wierd Error Messages:    \nHAPPY BIRTHDAY! (sole response from a malfunctioning motherboard)   \nI DON'T EAT RASINS. (From a Data General AOS/VS System)   \nFossel
eBay, the online auction site, specifically bans the sale of'and I quote' "soiled underwear". Excuse me? Soiled underwear? Is it just me, or does it strike anyone else as odd that they specifically mention this?     \neBay Prohibited Items List
Windows 95 is not a virus. Viruses DO something
Life!... It's a cybernetic psychedic explosion of garishly illuminated images, sounds, smells, and feelings! I am skewed, warped, distorted, twisted, altered in such a way as to defy description. I am discomboomulated to the maximum intensity of a technorave, industrial force. I'M ALIVE, DAMN YOU, AND MY HEAD IS TWEAKED TO THE Nth POWER! My mind is swirling and pulsing with wreckless, exuberant abandon! Pounding and surging in a vortex of sensory overload! Euphoric insanity!!"  \n"Sooooo..... how's life been treatin you?"    \n"I LIKE IT!       \nCyprus Frost
The great thing about standards is that there are so many of them...
Personalization: the automatic tailoring of sites and messages to the individuals viewing them so that we can feel that somewhere there's a piece of software that loves us for who we are.  \nDavid Weinberger, JOHO
If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it! This is the most dangerous E-Mail virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty, drink all your beer, make you fall in love with a penguin, give you nightmares about circus midgets, leave the toilet seat up and kill your dog.    \nBadtimes Virus Alert
Weeks of coding can save you hours of planning.     \nAn ironic "Microsoft Solution Framework" course attender
Anybody who's studied software engineering knows that a schedule which underestimates the time needed to develop a project actually makes the project take longer.        \nTalin, computer game programmer
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, VII:    \nProgram complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, IX:      \nUndetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, X:    \nAdding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
If at first you don't succeed, add 1 to any integer variable.   \nin Life: You spill your cereal at breakfast, you get fired from your job, your dog dies, and your house burns down.     \nComputer Equivalent: Virus Detected.         \nIn Life: You've finished a 900 page novel. Your life's work. You will be a famous author world-wide; but then, it falls into the lit fireplace.   \nComputer Equivalent: Quitting without saving.    \nIn Life: A solution to all problems is found. World peace is achieved, all conflicts end, and everyone is happy.   \nComputer Equivalent: Ctrl+Alt+Del   \nJackal
Alcohol and calculus don't mix... Don't drink and derive.
Linux is free only if your time is worthless.
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.    \nA programmer
Hard Drive: The part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.     \nDave Barry
PurpleBlood> Dont take offense by this, but how old are you? You must be a major geek to sit around in this channel on your computer all day, and on your ASS! \nSEGA> im a bot you fucking idiot.    \n#mp3 on Dalnet
People like you don\'t belong on IRC.     \nAK|RA in #poolside on Dalnet
Per section 126.B article 12 of the Information Warfare Bill passed by the senate in 1996 I am reporting you to your ISP.      \nAK|RA in #poolside on Dalnet
Microsoft: This company has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down. If problem persists please call the Department of Justice.
Debugging tips from the Master, Sherlock Holmes:   \n"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts."     \n"As a rule, the more bizarre a thing is, the less mysterious it proves to be."    \n"Perhaps I have trained myself to see what others overlook."           \n"There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact."      \n"Chance has put in our way a most singular and whimsical problem, and its solution is its own reward."    \n"I am glad of all details, whether they seem to you to be relevant or not."      \nSherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
O Langley invented the bolometer    \nA very good kind of thermometer  \nYou can measure the heat    \nfrom a penguin bird's seat,     \nFrom a distance of half a kilometer.   \nLimerick in tribute to the bolometer (which can measure temperature differences down to one hundred-millionth of a degree Celsius)
I code therefore I exist - somewhere between heaven and html.   \nAd Hales
I thought the only thing the internet was good for was porn.   \nFuturama
There are two major products that come from Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.   \nJeremy S. Anderson
Seaman is the newest entry in the proud Japanese tradition of software that simulates having a friend.   \nOld Man Murray
Javascript is the duct tape of the Internet.    \nCharlie Campbell
What Microsoft Visual Basic thought of my program:    \n"Run-time error '-2147418113 (8000ffff)':     \nCatastrophic Failure
Managing programmers is like trying to herd cats.     \nGreg Settle
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.     \nBjarne Stroustrup
A feature is a bug with seniority.
Documentation: the worst part of programming.
DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"
On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.       \nCharles Babbage, "Father of Computing"
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.   \nC. A. R. Hoare
If the code was hard to write, I'm going to damn well make it hard to read!   \nDimator, on Slashdot
Joseph LaGrange believed that a mathematician has not thoroughly understood his own work till he has made it so clear that he can go out and explain it effectively to the first man he meets on the street.   \nE. T. Bell
In a world without borders, who needs Windows and Gates?
Guru Meditation     \nError message of the Amiga
The day Microsoft make a product that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
Barring unforeseen acts of God and Adminstrators, my server will be up tomorrow. I'm more worried about the Adminstrators.  \nRevolos55
I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem.    \nRafey
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
NT + usable = uNsTable
Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.   \nEdward V. Berard
The internet is the machine's manifestation of God.
I had a girlfriend once, but then she changed her screenname...
CD-rom Drive not functioning, insert installation CD-rom to reinstall this device.   \nSilly statement by Windows
Searching the Internet ultimately ends in porn.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."       \nIn response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:    \n1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.      \n2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.  \n3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.     \n4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.     \n5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.   \n6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation " warning light, and the car would not work.      \n7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.      \n8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.  \n9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.        \n10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Found on the instructions sheet for a new hard drive:   \nFor additional help on installiation, open the readme.txt file on this hard drive.        \nHard drive installiation instructions
The service department you received this email from makes no promises, nor provides guarantees of service if unforseen circumstances affect system availability; nor does the department claim omniscience but does have a high regard for Murphy's Law.
The difference between Bill Gates and God is that God's Word works.
The box said, "Requires Windows 95 or better," so I installed Linux!
erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.     \nErno, IRC (bash.org)
[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet    \nHatefulOfHollow, IRC (bash.org)
Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken. \nhonx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P   \nHonx, IRC (bash.org)
blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed. FlipTopBx> is it modded?     \nFlipTopBx, IRC (bash.org)
Hacking is like having sex. You get in, you get out, then you hope that you didn't leave something behind that can be traced back to you.
There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Programming software is like creating a maze and going through it at the same time. Only you know the exact route you've taken, and anyone else is likely to get lost or screw it up entirely!   \nLyndsey Hayward
Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.
Why are so many viruses aimed at windows? It crashes just fine on its own thank you!
Most technology has the shelf life of a banana.     \nSun's McNealy
Quake III is one of the best games...granted you never make a mistake. You will be killed immediately. Then, the person who killed you then dies because he makes a mistake. And on and on. Then, finally, it comes back to you, and you make one frag. This is the only way you ever will.    \n*Omni*{911}
Of course, the best way to get accurate information on Usenet is to post something wrong and wait for corrections    \nMatthew Austern
The box said "requires windows 98 or better" so I installed linux
I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.    \nE-Mail signature
Since human beings themselves are not fully debugged yet, there will be bugs in your code no matter what you do.   \nChris Mason, Microsoft
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Chaos often breeds life, while order breeds habit.
It is a cliche in our business that the first 90 percent of the work is easy, the second 90 percent wears you down, and the last 90 percent - the attention to detail - makes a good product.   \nRon Avitzur, Apple Programmer
I've always wanted to be able to teach Clippy what was annoying by slapping him around with the mouse cursor, just like those animals in Black & White.   \nMonkeyCookie
Consulting: If You're Not Part of the Solution, There's Good Money to Be Made Prolonging the Problem   \nDespair Inc
wisdom Surely democracy is just a way of saying "There are more of us, therefore you must do what we say". A majority vote is not often 51%, because there are normally more than two options. So then it is not 51% of the population who have it their way. Rather more than this do not get their way...makes you think that dicators have the right idea: At least they get they know they get their way.   \nPatrick Burn
A peach is a peach a plum is a plum a kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue.
The three principle virtues of a programmer are Laziness, Impatience, and Hubris.     \nLarry Wall
Stroustrup ran to the head monk, exclaiming, "Master! I have added object-orientation to the C programming language! I have been enlightened!" to which the head monk responded by hitting him on the head with a stick.
The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.      \nEdsger Dijkstra
My favourite oxymoron: Microsoft Works.  \nUnknown
All too often, customers and managers don't know what they want until they don't get it     \nHitchhiker's Guide to Visual Studio and SQL Server
Power optimization is circumstance dependent and it is the electronic correlate of human selfishness.   \nAubrey Charasz