I had trouble with physics in college. When I signed up I thought it said psychics.     - Greg Tamblyn
The Big Bang Explained: somebody told God a great joke when God had a mouthful of milk.     - Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.   - Albert Einstein
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.     - Isaac Asimov
There’s an old saying among scientific guys: “You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.”    - Dave Barry
I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarian and we're skeptical.  - Arthur C. Clarke
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.     - Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)
I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.    - Bill Maher ?
Occams Razor is the scientific principle that, all things being equal, the simplest explanation is always the dog ate my homework.    Greg Tamblyn
When you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.       - Dave Barry
Electricity is really just organized lightning.    - George Carlin
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.    - Steven Wright
If math was taught like science in Kansas, Texas, and Tennessee, then 2+2=5 would be a “competing theory.”       -Unknown Author
We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.  - Bill Watterson
Why would you clone people when you can go to bed with them and make a baby? C'mon, it's stupid.      - Ray Bradbury
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe.    - Albert Einstein
We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet.     - Stephen Hawking
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.     - Aldous Huxley
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.        - Douglas Adams
My knowledge of the universe is that if I write stupid jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great meals. I do not believe mankind will ever develop a formula to explain this.      - Joel Klein, Time Magazine
Apparently there are three levels of brain activity. Level 1 is the lowest level - the amount of concentration required to, say, delete emails or serve in congress.      - Bruce Cameron
We all understand the twinge of discomfort at the thought that we share a common ancestor with the apes. No one can embarrass you like a relative.     - Neal DeGrasse Tyson
Yet another spunky li’l NASA robot lands and begins transmitting back photographs of rocks that appear virtually identical to the rock photos beamed back by all the other spunky li’l NASA robots, thus confirming suspicions that the universe has a LOT of rocks in it.       - Dave Barry, 2004 year in review
The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program. And if we become extinct because we don't have a space program, it'll serve us right!   - Larry Niven
I'm human; never been to space. Monkeys aren't human; have been to space. That's the gist of my lawsuit against NASA.      - Mike Vanatta
All These Atoms     \n© 2000 Ramblin' Tamblyn Music \n\nAs hard as it might seem to be  \nParts of you were once a tree     \nOnce a fish in the primal soup  \nSomething’s dinner, something’s poop    \n\nFifteen billion years ago    \nThe big bang was quite a show    \nAll this time and now here we are     \nParts of you were once a star
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research.    - Albert Einstein
If I were ever abducted by aliens, the first thing I’d ask is whether they came from a planet where people also deny science.        - Neil deGrasse Tyson ?@neiltyson
The God Particle is just a regular particle that some say bears the image of the Virgin Mary. It will be on eBay shortly.    - Kelkulus
Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female. - Desmond Morris
I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.   - Sean Gabay
NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they’re calling Super Earth. It’s indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.    - Peter Sagal
Sure, gravity makes everything sag as you get older, but it also keeps your dinner from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.   - Greg Tamblyn
Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.     - Peter Sagal
Science has now determined there is a direct relationship between the way the ball bounces and the cookie crumbles.     - Anonymous
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.     - Dave Barry
The Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, it is queerer than we can suppose.           - J.B.S. Haldane, biologist
A person who isn’t outraged on first hearing about quantum theory doesn’t understand what has been said.    - Neils Bohr
Being a scientist is like doing a jigsaw puzzle in a snowstorm at night, with some pieces missing, and with no idea what the finished picture looks like.   - Anonymous scientist
God not only plays dice, he throws them in the corner where you can't see them. - Stephen Hawking
This just in: UFOs are here to stop Yellowstone from exploding, thus saving mankind, probably for their own amusement.   - Greg Tamblyn
Scientists are peeping toms at the keyhole of eternity.   - Arthur Koestler
Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.   - Isaac Asimov
In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself. Nature does it for you.     - Frank Wilczek
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.   - Unknown Author
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws.    - Douglas Adams
I'm not sure if I was the first man in space or the last dog.     - Yuri Gagarin
There is no great invention, from fire to flying, which has not been hailed as an insult to some god.    - J. B. S. Haldane
It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.   - Konrad Lorenz
Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.    - Wernher von Braun
Every revolutionary idea seems to evoke three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the phrases:     \n(1)  It's completely impossible.  \n(2)  It's possible, but it's not worth doing.       \n(3)  I said it was a good idea all along.     \n- Arthur C. Clarke
Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
Metaphysics is a cobweb that the mind weaves around things.
We spend more time working for our labor-saving machines than they do working for us.
Bus Error - Please Take The Train.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is a big difference.
I tell my students that artificial intelligence is a property that a machine has if it astounds you.     Herbert Freeman
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
If it's not on fire then it's a software problem.
You know you've been spending too much time on the Internet when every colon appears as a pair of eyes: (see what I mean?)    Erik
As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.
Installing a new program will always screw up at least one old one.
The computer will work perfectly at the repair shop.
The time it takes to clean up after a computer virus is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage.
The first place to look for a lost file is the last place you would expect to find it.
Never cut what you can untie.
The trouble with experience as a teacher is that the test comes first and the lesson after.
Any sufficient advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.     Arthur C. Clarke