"The computer is a moron." \ncomputer quote by Peter Drucker
"There are eight words or references that light up employers' eyes: languages, computer, experience, achievement, hard-working, overseas experience, flexible, and task-oriented." \ncomputer quote by Carol Kleiman
"When a girl gets cut, it's not like we're being snobs or anything. The girls pick the sororities they want, the sororities list the girls they want, it all goes into a computer, and the computer matches everybody up, ... We're not sitting in a room, going down a list, and saying 'Oh, I hate her.' It's a mutual match. Kind of like online dating...but that's a really rough comparison." \ncomputer quote by Jennifer Jones
"Apple Computer can argue that its use of the trademark has nothing to do with music. They could say, 'This isn't our music. We're selling access to this service.' That's another argument for a low royalty." \ncomputer quote by Lee Bromberg
"Computer hacking and data theft are serious crimes in our modern economy. Because of the volume and value of the data stolen by (Levine), this quickly became a priority case for us." \ncomputer quote by Bud Cummins
"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image." \ncomputer quote by Stephen Hawking
"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." \ncomputer quote by Peter Steiner
"If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing." \ncomputer quote by Anon.
"As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error." \ncomputer quote by Weisert
"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing." \ncomputer quote by Anonymous
"A feature is a bug with seniority." \ncomputer quote by Anonymous
"The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier." \ncomputer quote by Bill Gates
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." \ncomputer quote by Mitch Ratliffe
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." \ncomputer quote by Bill Gates
"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim." \ncomputer quote by E. W. Dijkstra
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining." \ncomputer quote by Jef Raskin
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." \ncomputer quote by Robert X. Cringely
"'Where did you put it?' \n'Put what?' \n'You know?' \n'Where do you think?' \n'Oh.'" \n\ncomputer quote by Nicholas Negroponte
"A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. (from Mostly Harmless)" \ncomputer quote by Douglas Noel Adams
"A computer shall not harm your work or, through inaction, allow your work to come to harm." \ncomputer quote by Jef Raskin
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." \ncomputer quote by Mitch Ratcliffe
"A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy" \ncomputer quote by Joseph Campbell
"A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer." \ncomputer quote by Anonymous
"A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages." \ncomputer quote by Anon.
"All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness." \ncomputer quote by Mark Kennedy
"An apprentice carpenter may want only a hammer and saw, but a master craftsman employs many precision tools. Computer programming likewise requires sophisticated tools to cope with the complexity of real applications, and only practice with these tools will build skill in their use." \ncomputer quote by Robert L. Kruse
"Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw." \ncomputer quote by Anonymous
"At the beginning of this album I discovered the computer and had great fun playing with the thing. And I realized that, not being a good keyboard player, I could write things in very small sections, give them a certain feel and mess about with bends on the keyboard." \ncomputer quote by Midge Ure
"At the end of OK Computer we were playing big, big arenas and it wasn't right. You can do those things occasionally but at the time it didn't feel right." \ncomputer quote by Ed O'Brien
"But it seemed to me that as soon as you have computer storage you could put every point you wanted in - make the ones that are less relevant to your central topic, further away or allow the central topic to move as the reader proceeded." \ncomputer quote by Ted Nelson
"Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light." \ncomputer quote by David Ferrier
"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes." \ncomputer quote by E. W. Dijkstra
"Computer : a million morons working at the speed of light." \ncomputer quote by David Ferrier
"Ferris I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign" \ncomputer quote by Ferris Bueller---@---s Day Off
"Giving a man space is like giving a dog a computer: the chances are he will not use it wisely." \ncomputer quote by Bette-Jane Raphael
"Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked." \ncomputer quote by Jeff Pesis
"Hardware the parts of a computer that can be kicked." \ncomputer quote by Jeff Pesis
"I actually built a tiny computer as a junior high school project." \ncomputer quote by Mitch Kapor
"I have a cat named Trash. In the current political climate it would seem that if I were trying to sell him (at least to a Computer Scientist), I would not stress that he is gentle to humans and is self-sufficient, living mostly on field mice. Rather, I would argue that he is object-oriented." \ncomputer quote by Roger King
"I think that their flight from and hatred of technology is self-defeating. The Buddha rests quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer of the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower. To think otherwise is to demean the Buddha--which is to demean oneself." \ncomputer quote by Robert M. Pursig
"I'm struck by the insidious, computer-driven tendency to take things out of the domain of muscular activity and put them into the domain of mental activity. The transfer is not paying off. Sure, muscles are unreliable, but they represent several million years of accumulated finesse." \ncomputer quote by Brian Eno
"If the businessman would stop talking like a computer printout or a page from the corporate annual report, other people would stop thinking he had a cash register for a heart" \ncomputer quote by Henry Kissinger
"If the automobile had followed the same development cyclee as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.'" \ncomputer quote by Robert X. Cringely
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost 100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." \ncomputer quote by Robert X Cringely
"If the car industry behaved like the computer industry over the last 30 years, a Rolls-Royce would cost $5, get 300 miles per gallon, and blow up once a year killing all passengers inside." \ncomputer quote by Anonymous
"If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it." \ncomputer quote by Pierre Gallois
"In a way, staring into a computer screen is like staring into an eclipse. It's brilliant and you don't realize the damage until it’s too late." \ncomputer quote by Bruce Sterling
"In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear." \ncomputer quote by John C. Dvorak
"In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it." \ncomputer quote by Unknown
"It seems to me the book has not just aesthetic values-- the charming little clothy box of the thing, the smell of the glue, even the print, which has its own beauty. But there's something about the sensation of ink on paper that is in some sense a thing, a phenomenon rather than an epiphenomenon. I can't break the association of electric trash with the computer screen. Words on the screen give the sense of being just another passing electronic wriggle." \ncomputer quote by John Updike
"It's a well known fact that computing devices such as the abacus were invented thousands of years ago. But it's not well known that the first use of a common computer protocol occurred in the Old Testament. This, of course, was when Moses aborted the Egyp" \ncomputer quote by Anonymous
"It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years." \ncomputer quote by John Von Neumann (ca. 1949)
"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose." \ncomputer quote by Andy Rooney
"Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor." \ncomputer quote by Wernher von Braun
"Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all." \ncomputer quote by John F. Kennedy
"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing." \ncomputer quote by Emo Phillips
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." \ncomputer quote by Steve Wozniak
"Normal is...spending all day in a sick building with windows that don't open and a thermostat that is seasonally dysfunctional in order to make the environment consistently comfy and user-friendly for the mainframe computer." \ncomputer quote by Ellen Goodman
"On almost anything someone does in the computer business, you can go back in the literature and prove someone had done it earlier." \ncomputer quote by Ken Olsen
"One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse." \ncomputer quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
"Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest." \ncomputer quote by Isaac Asimov
"Personally I rather look forward to a computer program winning the world [chess] championship. Humanity needs a lesson in humility." \ncomputer quote by Richard Dawkings:
"pixel, n.: A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen displays. The computer industry has frequently borrowed from mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the marketing department." \ncomputer quote by Jeff Meyer
"The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor." \ncomputer quote by Wernher Magnus Maximilian von Braun
"The book is here to stay. What we're doing is symbolic of the peaceful coexistence of the book and the computer." \ncomputer quote by Vartan Gregorian
"The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers." \ncomputer quote by Lewis Thomas
"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs." \ncomputer quote by Joseph Weizenbaum
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." \ncomputer quote by Nathaniel Borenstein
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." \ncomputer quote by Nathaniel Borenstein
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little." \ncomputer quote by Porterfield
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little." \ncomputer quote by Joe Martin
"The NeXT Computer The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a workstation, the unit sales makes it a mainframe." \ncomputer quote by Anon.
"The purpose of most computer languages is to lengthen your resume by a word and a comma." \ncomputer quote by Larry Wall
"The process of preparing programs for a digital computer is especially attractive, not only because it can be economically and scientifically rewarding, but also because it can be an aesthetic experience much like composing poetry or music." \ncomputer quote by Donald E. Knuth
"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot." \ncomputer quote by Dave Barry
"There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as a complete waste of time." \ncomputer quote by Scott Adams
"There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as 'a complete waste of time.'" \ncomputer quote by Scott Adams
"There are two things in particular that it [the computer industry] failed to foresee: one was the coming of the Internet(...); the other was the fact that the century would end." \ncomputer quote by Douglas Adams
"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home." \ncomputer quote by Ken Olsen
"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home." \ncomputer quote by Ken Olsen
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." \ncomputer quote by Ken Olson
"There is not a flower or bird in sight, only a small screen on which lines are moving, while the child sits almost motionless, pushing at the keyboard with one finger. As a learning environment, it may be mentally rich, but it is perceptually extremely impoverished. No smells or tastes, no wind or bird song (unless the computer is programmed to produce electronic tweets), no connection with soil, water, sunlight, warmth, the actual learning environment is almost autistic in quality, impoverished sensually, emotionally, and socially." \ncomputer quote by John Davy
"This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron." \ncomputer quote by Bumper Sticker
"To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life." \ncomputer quote by Dave Barry
"To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so." \ncomputer quote by Robert Orben
"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer." \ncomputer quote by Farmers---@--- Almanac
"To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer." \ncomputer quote by Anonymous
"Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to the jaw." \ncomputer quote by Computer Museum
"Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read." \ncomputer quote by Button from the Computer Museum
"Usenet is like Tetris for people who still know how to read." \ncomputer quote by Computer Museum
"Want to make your computer go really fast Throw it out a window." \ncomputer quote by Anon.
"We are now able to see things in nature of what was previously only available in computer simulation." \ncomputer quote by Patrick Henry
"We believe that within five years, 96 percent of British consumers will have access to the Internet, whether it be through a personal computer, a set-top box or a mobile phone." \ncomputer quote by Richard Branson
"We have come through a strange cycle in programming, starting with the creation of programming itself as a human activity. Executives with the tiniest smattering of knowledge assume that anyone can write a program, and only now are programmers beginning to win their battle for recognition as true professionals. Not just anyone, with any background, or any training, can do a fine job of programming. Programmers know this, but then why is it that they think that anyone picked off the street can do documentation? One has only to spend an hour looking at papers written by graduate students to realize the extent to which the ability to communicate is not universally held. And so, when we speak about computer program documentation, we are not speaking about the psychology of computer programming at all - except insofar as programmers have the illusion that anyone can do a good job of documentation, provided he is not smart enough to be a programmer." \ncomputer quote by Gerald Weinberg
"Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?" \ncomputer quote by Clifford Stoll
"Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users" \ncomputer quote by Clifford Stoll
"Wisdom is perishable. Unlike information or knowledge, it cannot be stored in a computer or recorded in a book. It expires with each passing generation." \ncomputer quote by Sid Taylor
"Writing can be a very solitary business. It's you sat at a desk typing words into a computer. It can get lonely sometimes and lots of writers live quite isolated lives." \ncomputer quote by Paul Kane
"If when a businessman speaks of minority employment, or air pollution, or poverty, he speaks in the language of a certified public accountant analyzing a corporate balance sheet, who is to know that he understands the human problems behind the statistical ones? If the businessman would stop talking like a computer printout or a page from the corporate annual report, other people would stop thinking he had a cash register for a heart. It is as simple as that -- but that isn't simple." \ncomputer quote by Louis B. Lundborg
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
Sexy Unix Commands: date; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime;
Sex is like hacking. You get in, you get out, and you hope you didn't leave something behind that can be traced back to you.
That Jesus Christ guy is getting some terrible lag... it took him 3 days to respawn!
Want to Make $$$$ with your Computer? No Risk! Simply press shift-4 four times in a row
My programs never have bugs, they just develop random features.
Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
windows: 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition
Error! Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Real programmers don't comment! It was hard to write, It should be hard to read!
Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?
"I worry about my child and the Internet all the time, even though she's too young to have logged on yet. Here's what I worry about. I worry that 10 or 15 years from now, she will come to me and say 'Daddy, where were you when they took freedom of the press away from the Internet?'" --Mike Godwin, Electronic Frontier Foundation
The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better." I can't understand why it won't work on my Linux computer.
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure!
MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)
Windows has detected a mouse movement. Please restart Windows so changes can take effect.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso
What is this talk of 'release?' Klingons do not make software 'releases.' Our software 'escapes,' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
Linux is like a teepee: no windows; no gates; Apache inside
If it happens once, it's a bug. If it happens twice, it's a feature. If it happens more than twice, it's a design philosophy.
63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
I pledge allegiance to the internet and to the principle of end-to-end connectivity for which it stands. One network, under construction, with liberty and access for all.
Late to bed and early to rise gives a hacker blood-shot eyes.
PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics
A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C.?(Y/N)
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
Microsoft Zen - Become one with the blue screen.
Windows 2000: Designed for the Internet. The Internet: Designed for UNIX.
A beowulf cluster of Cisco routers? Isn't that the Internet?
:-) = I am happy - :^) = I am happy with my big nose - C:\> = I am happy with my OS
Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
WINDOWS = Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
I refuse to forfeit my freedoms for a little security- I login as root every time!
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
I don't need to go outside, my CRT tan'll do me just fine.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
MCSE == Mentally Challenged Slave of the Empire.
"Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life." - Andrew Brown
Network: An electronic means of allowing more than one person at a time to corrupt, trash, and otherwise cause permanent damage to useful information.
Linux: Where do you want to GO... Oh, wait, I'm already there!
Microsoft Rule #3: GUI standards are no longer necessary. Shiny objects are always user-friendly.
Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Double your disk space - delete Windows!
Did you know that..Some Dreamcast games use Microsoft's Windows CE as their operating system!
Open Source is the guillotine, Linux is the blade; IBM gives it weight and Apple sharpens it.
Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium Pro.
"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes." -E. W. Dijkstra
All of my errors and spelling mistakes are the fault of Microsoft, and their buggy keyboard handling in the OS.
Try to remove the color-problem by restarting your computer several times. -- Microsoft-Internet Explorer README.TXT
.vbs = Virus Bearing Script?
SCSI: System Can't See It
For too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root" and his "wheel" oligarchy. From now on, all admin functions will be handled by the People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS)
Bushnell's Underdog Theory: "Anything can manage a 10% share against Microsoft, no matter how absurd its problems."
Most Linux documentation is like driving directions that have been written in alphabetical order by street name: although technically all of the information is there, to sift through it you need either plenty of practice, or plenty of time.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
OS/2 = Obsolete Soon Too
NAPSTER = No longer A Possible Solution To Escape Record-buying
Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive!
LISP = Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
AMIGA = A Merely Insignificant Gamers Addictiction
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
Hard Disk: A device that allows users to delete vast quantities of data with simple mnemonic commands.
You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. (404)
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM = Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months
-----------------------------------------
Shutting down the computer and then realizing you need it again... Unknown quotes
I delete my entire password if I think I might have mistyped one letter. Unknown quotes
I have way more eye contact with my computer screen than I do with any humans. Unknown quotes
Despite all logic telling me otherwise, some part of me still believes that clicking the link again will make it load faster. Unknown quotes
If your password is your name...you deserve to be hacked. Unknown quotes
Pressing CTRL+V harder if it doesn't paste the first time. Unknown quotes
That annoying moment when you accidentally close the wrong tab... Unknown quotes
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster. Unknown quotes
I hate when my parents never let me go anywhere and then ask me why I'm always on the computer. Unknown quotes
You know you're lazy when your computer asks you, 'The file asfsyegdjf already exist, would you like to replace it?' Unknown quotes
Saving a photo as 'gdhagfdgvsl' because you're too lazy to write a proper title. Unknown quotes
Laptop Speakers: Too quiet for music, too loud for porn. Unknown quotes
I can't help but wonder what would happen if I removed the USB before my device was ready... Unknown quotes
I use Google to check if I have internet connection more than I use Google to Google. Unknown quotes
Even though we're miles apart, a computer screen connects our hearts. Unknown quotes
Typing 'LOL' when your face has less expression than a brick. Unknown quotes
You can't help but think something will load faster if you don't look at it. Unknown quotes
That awkward moment when someone's staring at your keyboard while you're typing your password. Unknown quotes
If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness? Unknown quotes
Anyone else feel kinda weird when your computer asks you if you would like to continue unprotected? Unknown quotes
I remember when I was a kid, I went on the computer just to use Paint. Unknown quotes
In 10 years, one of the hardest things kids will have to do, will be finding a user name that hasn't already been taken. Unknown quotes
I named my hard drive 'That Ass' so once a month my computer asks me if I want to back 'That Ass' up. Unknown quotes
I can only type fast on my own keyboard. Unknown quotes
Life is way too short to safely remove a USB. Unknown quotes
Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works.... Unknown quotes
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. Unknown quotes
Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows. Unknown quotes
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods. Unknown quotes
Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity. Unknown quotes
To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password. Unknown quotes
Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error. Unknown quotes
If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0 Unknown quotes
If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise. Unknown quotes
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? Unknown quotes
I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of 'Uninstall Shield'. Unknown quotes
Yo moma is like HTML: Tiny head, huge body. Unknown quotes
One of my most productive days was throwing away 1000 lines of code. Ken Thompson quotes Productivity quotes
(L)users \n Users /nm./: collective term for those who use computers. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. \nNovice Users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. \nIntermediate Users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.   \nExpert Users: people who break other people's computers.    \n— From the Jargon File.
"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why ? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially... They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material." — Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) explaining how the Internet works (2006).   \nTeach me
"Science is supposedly the method by which we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. In computer science, we all are standing on each others' feet." — G. Popek.
"Press CTRL-ALT-DEL now for an IQ test." — (At the time of Win95/98/ME)
"On the Internet you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"Reading, Pa., county controller Judith Kraines complained at a commissioners' meeting in January about having to type letters and do other business on a typewriter because her computer was old and no one had been able to get it to work for two years. 'If we had a computer', she said, 'letters would go out faster'. Three days later, she announced that the computer she was complaining about in fact had not been plugged in to any electrical outlet and that when the plug was inserted and the computer was turned on, it worked fine." — Elected luser of the year.
"Los Angeles County officials have asked that manufacturers, suppliers and contractors stop using the terms 'master' and 'slave' regarding computer hard drives, saying such terms are unacceptable and offensive. Additionally, the term 'e-mail' will now be called 'e-person letter', 'dumb terminals' will now be 'CPU-challenged monitors' and 'Unix' will be referred to as 'sexually dysfunctional operating system'. Obviously, 'fingering' is now banned entirely." — Kevin Fizz.
"Artificial intelligence ? No thank you, I don't need crutches." — Szylowicz (my former assembler teacher).
"Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity."
"If computers had invented humans as part of a BI program (biological intelligence), humans would have been tossed aside as barely having achieved perfect game play at Tic-Tac-Toe." — Epine.
"If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one." — Arno Penzias.
"1f y0u c4n r34d 7h15, y0u r34||y n33d 70 637 |41d."
"This manual says what our product actually does, no matter what the salesman may have told you it does." — In a californian graphic board manual, 1985.
"I sit looking at this damn computer screen all day long, day in and day out, week after week, and think: Man, if I could just find the 'on' switch..." — Zachary Good.
"Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface."
"They say one of a baby's first non-verbal forms communication is pointing. Clicking must be somewhere just after that."
"Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools." — Gene Brown.
"Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it."
"Remember, the problem is not that people are stupid; the problem is that modems are cheap." — Vince Sabio.
"Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users ?"
"If you're not failing 90% of the time, then you're probably not working on sufficiently challenging problems." — Alan Kay.
"I said that 30 years ago! Why does no one ever listen to me ?." — Alan Kay.
"Because we do not understand the brain very well we are constantly tempted to use the latest technology as a model for trying to understand it. In my childhood we were always assured that the brain was a telephone switchboard. ('What else could it be?') I was amused to see that Sherrington, the great British neuroscientist, thought that the brain worked like a telegraph system. Freud often compared the brain to hydraulic and electro-magnetic systems. Leibniz compared it to a mill, and I am told some of the ancient Greeks thought the brain functions like a catapult. At present, obviously, the metaphor is the digital computer." — John R Searls.
"There is unexpected beauty hidden everywhere in this world — one just has to be open to seeing it. Remember that the next time you sneeze on your monitor." — Nathan Walton.
Login: yes    \nPassword: i dont have one    \npassword is incorrect
Login: yes      \nPassword: incorrect
"On the negative side, I've been getting charged for a ton of stuff I didn't order lately. On the positive side, I did win that 'Who's Got the Best Password' contest on AOL last week." — Spike Donner.
"Making fun of AOL users is like making fun of the kid in the wheel chair."
"I can only imagine the deprivation and loneliness you will feel from a lack of human companionship when your 1000 free AOL hours run out." — Nate B.
"The only business that is ever threatened by improved technologies are those that need to be left behind."
"It's like being a doctor, but without getting my paws all gooky." — Dogbert the Network Administrator.
"OK, so the computer has understood, but what about me ?" — Eugene Wigner about numerical simulations.
"Morons. These people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless. They must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network. Unfortunately, the connection works both ways. Long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer." — Mootar from bash.org.
"MMORPG players are freaks. If I ever have kids, and I catch them doing anything with a computer except for normal stuff like porn and hacking into school to change their grades, I will beat their asses like a red headed step child." — CF.
"I've always wondered if there was a Hezbollah version of minesweeper where you get points for blowing up on your first move." — James Lileks.
"I went to a gentleman's cybercafe — and they offered me a 'laptop dance'."
"I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of 'Uninstall Shield'."
Helpdesk: Double click on "My Computer"     \nUser: I can't see your computer.  \nHelpdesk: No, double click on "My Computer" on your computer.    \nUser: Huh? \nHelpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labeled "My Computer". Double click on it.   \nUser: What's your computer doing on mine?
"It took me many years but I have gained access to the root account and have removed the user God." — Saros (Jeff Batten).
"Prolonged contact with the computer turns mathematicians into clerks and vice versa." — Buy at Amazon.comAlan J. Perlis.
"Dude, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you've been hacked — the FTP server at 127.0.0.1 has all your personal files. See for yourself; just log in with your normal id...." — Classic joke on new Unix users.
"Note to self: www.manpages.com is NOT an online resource to get *nix man pages'" — Techdeck.
"I went to the gf's work last week, they had no antivirus. 279 viruses. The best part was they showed me their backup strategy: they use custom software and they backed up the application by dragging the desktop icon (a shortcut) to their cdrw. They had 2 years worth of shortcuts." — gweebz0r.
"It can be shown that for any nutty theory, beyond-the-fringe political view or strange religion there exists a proponent on the Net. The proof is left as an exercise for your kill-file." — Bertil Jonell.
"Gentlemen, I would rather believe that two Yankee professors would lie than believe that stones fall from heaven." — Buy at Amazon.comThomas Jefferson.
"Crap... Someone knocked over my recycle bin... There's icons all over my desktop..." — billiam.
"Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS !"
"Qrpelcgvat ebg13 ivbyngrf gur QZPN! Cercner gb or fhrq!!"
"Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G ?" — Bumper Sticker.
"If it's there and you can see it — it's real.   \nIf it's not there and you can see it — it's virtual.    \nIf it's there and you can't see it — it's transparent.         \nIf it's not there and you can't see it — you erased it !"
"Back up my hard disk ? I can't find the reverse switch !"
"I have NOT lost my mind — I have it backed up on tape somewhere."
"What do you mean by 'RAM DISK is not an installation procedure' ?"
"'INSERT DISK THREE' ? But I can only get two in the drive !"
"Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk ?"
"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean ?"
"See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now."
"Worth noting: running 'reboot -h' does NOT produce a helpful usage message."
"If you can't beat your computer at chess, do what I did — try kick-boxing." — Buy at Amazon.comMatt Larson.
"rm -rf /bin/laden"
"No printing is permitted of this book.   \nThis book cannot be given to someone else.    \nThis book cannot be read aloud." — License terms for Adobe ebooks.
"Ban cryptography ! Yes. Let's also ban pencils, pens and paper, since criminals can use them to draw plans of the joint they are casing or even, god forbid, create one time pads to pass uncrackable codes to each other. Ban open spaces since criminals could use them to converse with each other out of earshot of the police. Let's ban flags since they could be used to pass secret messages in semaphore. In fact let's just ban all forms of verbal and non-verbal communication — let's see those criminals make plans now !"
"Cryptanalysis is the study of turning other peoples' harmless mistakes into catastrophic errors."
"Cracking the Italian codes was something you did at the pub over a beer. It was both relaxing and enjoyable..." — Peter Hilton, WW2 British codebreaker.
"No new cypher is worth looking at unless it comes from someone who has broken a very hard one." — Friedman.
"Why is it 'marketing' when a company helps itself to my information against my will and 'piracy' or 'industrial espionage' if I helped myself to THEIR information against their will ?" — Causality.
"Phase 1: Uncritical acceptance.    \nPhase 2: Wild enthusiasm.      \nPhase 3: Dejected disillusionment.   \nPhase 4: Total confusion.    \nPhase 5: Search for the guilty.        \nPhase 6: Punishment of the innocent.     \nPhase 7: Promotion of nonparticipants." — Harsh Reality of IT Project Life Cycle.
"Q: What is the difference between a computer and a woman ?      \nA: A woman won't accept a 3 and 1/2-inch floppy !"
"I don't care if you ARE getting a PhD in it ! Get away from that damn computer and go find a woman !" — Paul Tyma's dad.
"If some unemployed punk in New Jersey can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95 this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka !" — Dennis Miller.
"When I was a teenager, Mom said I'd go blind if I didn't quit doing *that*. Maybe she was right — since the invention of internet porn, computer monitors keep getting bigger and bigger. !" — Bill Ervin.
"Hey ! It compiles ! Ship it !"
"Internet Explorer Tip: when it says 'turn off images', it only refers to inline images. Which is why it's safe to go to Goatse but not Tubgirl. I think it's obvious how I figured this out." — Bivens.
"Broadband sucks in the sense that goatse loads before i can close the window..." — Ich.
"Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector."
"Those who can't write programs, write help files."
"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..."
"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..."
"The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS !"
"Jesus saves... So why the fuck didn't I ?"
"Yeah, Jesus tried to save me, but there was no space left on his memory card." — arucardegungrave.
"Yo moma is such a whore, if she was a chmod she'd be 777 because everyone has access..."
"Yo moma is like HTML: Tiny head, huge body."
"HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide." — Robert Harvey.
"I tried setting my hotmail password to penis. It said my password wasn't long enough. :(" — Raven.
"Technology is always first developed for one of four things:
The Military   \nSexual Urges     \nEasy Money    \nSecurity (making sure the above services are properly paid for).
If we can't have sex with it, blow it up, or make loads of cash off of it, we're just not interested." — tcd004.
"You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary." — Juuso Heimonen.
"I rigged my cellular to send a message to my PDA, which is online with my PC, to get it to activate the voicemail, which sends the message to the inbox of my email, which routes it to the PDA, which beams it back to the cellular. Then I realized my gadgets have a better social life than I do !" — Tom Ostad.
"Kids today have so many advantages I never had. There's no telling what I could've accomplished with a home computer and a handgun." — LeMel Hebert-Williams.
"We will never become a truly paper-less society until the Palm Pilot folks come out with WipeMe 1.0." — Andy Pierson.
"I don't understand why cheerleaders won't talk to me. Maybe I don't throw five touchdowns against Newport High, but let's see one of those football morons program in assembly language. !" — Chris Lipe.
"She said she was hot for me, so i gave her a spare heatsink. She didn't seem happy. I just don't understand women." — MrRoboto1024.
"Procter & Gamble, for example, uses an SGI system to study the aerodynamics of Pringle's potato chips. !" — From a ZDnet article.
"Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more user-friendly... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover." — Buy at Amazon.comBill Gates.
"Remember when...? A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show. A window was something you hated to clean and RAM was the cousin of a goat... Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was your middle finger upright. Now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy you hoped that nobody found out. Compress was something you did to the garbage not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for awhile. Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home and a virus was the flu. I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead !"
"The ultimate metric that I would like to propose for user friendliness is quite simple: if this system was a person, how long would it take before you punched it in the nose ?" — Tom Carey.
"All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value." — Carl Sagan.
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication." — Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." — Buy at Amazon.comLord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." — Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"I see no progress in this industry. These clocks are no faster than the ones they made a hundred years ago." — Buy at Amazon.comHenry Ford, while visiting a museum.
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." — Buy at Amazon.comThomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.
"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18 000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers of the future may have only 1 000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1½ tons." — Popular Mechanics, March 1949.
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." — The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.
"But what... is it good for ?" — An engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, commenting on the microchip in 1968.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." — Ken Olson, president/founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.
"The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a 'mouse.' There is no evidence that people want to use these things. What businessman knows about point sizes on typefaces or the value of variable point sizes ? Who out there in the general marketplace even knows what a 'font' is ?     \nThe whole concept and attitude towards icons and hieroglyphs is actually counterrevolutionary — it's a language that is hardly 'user friendly'. This type of machine was developed by hardware hackers working out of Xerox's Palo Alto Research Center. It has yet to find popular success. There seems to be some mysterious user resistance to this type of machine." — Buy at Amazon.comJohn C. Dvorak on why the Macintosh would fail, San Francisco Examiner, 1984/02/19.
"The Mac finder really puts the 'stupid' in 'Keep It Simple, Stupid'."
"Macintosh computer are easy to use. It's also easy to stick your hand in a wood chipper."
"Saying to buy a Mac because your anti-virus expired is like saying you're out of condoms so you're just going to fuck dudes."
"Steve Jobs may have the apple, but Bill Gates has the entire orchard !"
"I just realized that PC is what got Steve Jobs in the end."
"Steve Jobs is praised for the elegant styling of the jails he designed." — RMS.
"A Mac vs. PC commercial you'll never see: 'Whatcha doin, PC?' 'I'm playing this new game'. 'Oh really, which one?' 'Any'. 'Oh'. (silence) (fade)." — ez76.
"I want to see the Korean girl who works at the iPhone factory v. the Zune tattoo guy." — MdHatter about Apple commercials.
"I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone." — Jack Valenti, MPAA president, testimony to the House of Representatives, 1982.
"Wanted: Expert Java programmers, 5+ years experience." — Posted in 1998.
"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." — Page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health Safety Handbook for Employees".
"Maintenance Contractors always dress up nice, with a tie and everything because they believe that a customer will trust a nicely dressed guy with their million dollar equipment just because he's got a nice tie..." — Buy at Amazon.comSimon Travaglia (the B.O.F.H.).
"What were once minuscule workplace annoyances are now major priority issues. Like noisy fans and power supplies ! ANYONE who complains about a noisy fan or power supply needs to spend a week or two in the presence of a PUNCH CARD machine. Three weeks later, when they recover their sanity, give them their old computer back. See if they complain. I THINK NOT !" — Buy at Amazon.comSimon Travaglia (the B.O.F.H.).
"There's no problem so large it can't be solved by killing the user off, deleting their files, closing their account and reporting their REAL earnings to the IRS." — The Buy at Amazon.comB.O.F.H..
"In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him." — Buy at Amazon.comScott Adams (author of Dilbert).
"I will write on a huge cement block 'BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING.' And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer and run like hell." — DmncAtrny.
"Whenever my Boss pisses me off, I secretly change the password to his e-mail account.    \nWhen he can't log on, he'll piss and moan for 5 minutes, cursing the computer. Then he'll come groveling to me for my help. Once he's groveled enough, I re-enter the right password from my office, go to his and watch him look like a dummy while I log-on easily.     \nI just love it. Heh, heh, heh."
Men think that computers should be referred to as female, just like ships, because:
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.    \nThe language in which they communicate among themselves is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message "Bad command or File Name" is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, I'm certainly not going to tell you !"     \nYour smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you spend half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Miss a period and they go wild.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
Women think computers are male because:   \n\nThey have lots of data, but are still clueless.     \nThey are supposed to solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.        \nAs soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had only waited a bit longer, you could have had a better model.     \nTo get their attention, you have to "turn them on".   \nA big "power-surge" will knock them out for the rest of the night !    \nIt is always necessary to have a backup.             \nThey'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.    \nSize does matter.
"Network: Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections." — Buy at Amazon.comSamuel Johnson, Dictionary of the English Language (1755).
"The Internet ? Is that thing still around ?" — Buy at Amazon.comHomer Simpson.
"Twitter is stupid. And Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read."
"ASCII and ye shall receive."
"Will the information superhighway have any rest stops ?"
"I get mail, therefore I am." — Scott Adams.
"In fact, you can throw away the last three syllables of 'superhighway'. It's a soup. Call it Information Soup and we're getting somewhere." — Charles S. Murray.
"E-mail — When it absolutely, positively has to get lost at the speed of light." — Jerry Vuoso.
"Plonk /excl./: The sound a newbie makes as he falls to the bottom of a kill file." — From the Jargon File.
"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."
"Usenet is a Mobius strand of spaghetti." — Buy at Amazon.comJames "Kibo" Parry.
"The Internet is the end of civilizations, cultures, interests and ethics." — Official Iraqi government statement.
"I had to google 'jfgi' to see what it meant. The irony is overwhelming." — classyhorse23.
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is nothing like Shakespeare." — Blair Houghton.
"The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it." — John Gilmore.
"I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it." — ambivalist.  \n"I prefer IP jokes; it's all in the delivery." — ianschenck.   \n"I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I'd have to keep repeating it until you got it." — Razakel.
"What's a net Nazi ? That's what's left after you deduct the wholesale price and overhead from a gross Nazi." — Rich Tietjens.
"Of course, the best way to get accurate information on Usenet is to post something wrong and wait for corrections." — Matthew Austern.
"I was having trouble getting screen dumps in unix so I went into #unix and said 'Does anyone know how to do a screen dump in unix?' 5 minutes and no reply, so I modify it a bit 'Two hot girls are stripping on webcam for me, how do i take a picture to show you guys ?' 13 offers of assistance within 2 minutes. Brilliant." — Numi.
"If you're having trouble sounding condescendent, get a Unix user to show you how." — Scott Adams.
"In headlines today, the dreaded killfile virus spread across the country adding 'aol.com' to people's Usenet kill files everywhere. The programmer of the virus still remains anonymous, but has been nominated several times for a Nobel peace prize." — Mark Atkinson.
"IRC is just multiplayer notepad."
"If the Internet is a superhighway, then AOL must be a fleet of farm equipment that straddles five lanes and pays no heed to 'Keep Right Except to Pass' signs." — Marko Peric.
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea; massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it." — Eugene Spafford.
"IRC is like one giant round of intellectual bukake." — Hatamoto.
"I see ads saying that I can 'GET PAID to Surf the Web !'. Let's see... I'm at work checking out my favorite porn sites right now. Hey, I'm already getting paid to surf the web !" — Bill Ervin Tigard
"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."
"Once you've googled every single guy whose last name you remember that you slept with, the internet sorta becomes a useless tool." — From Craig's list.
"Looking at the 2001 Google Zeitgeist, I see disturbing trends:   \nTop women searches: Britney Spears, Pamela Anderson, Jennifer Lopez, Madonna & Aaliyah. \nAnd top men searches: Nostradamus, Bin Laden, Eminem, Michael Jackson & Howard Stern." — jonr.
"The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit." — Nytwind.
"Sell a man a phish he can scam for a day, but teach him how to phish and he can scam for himself for a lifetime."
"Imagine a school with children that can read or write, but with teachers who cannot, and you have a metaphor of the Information Age in which we live." — Peter Cochrane.
"To ruin the net to save Disney is the equivalent of burning down the library of Alexandria to save monastic scribes."
"The smiley is an attack on writers and readers alike. If it is funny, it doesn't need a smiley. If is not funny, a smiley won't help it. The smiley teaches writers that anything they write will pass as humor as long as it is punctuated properly. It teaches readers that they must ignore their better judgment, and look only at punctuation to determine intent." — Jim Showalter.
"I correct autocorrect more often than autocorrect corrects me..."
"Computer security." — Oxymoron
"Security: If you do it right, everyone thinks you have wasted your time. If you do it wrong, it is all your fault." — SmallFurryCreature.
"Given a choice between dancing pigs and security, users will pick dancing pigs every time." — Edward Felten and Gary McGraw.
"Those willing to give up a little security by using a little obscurity deserve neither security nor root privileges." — B. F.
"Every operating system out there is about equal... We all suck." — Microsoft senior vice president Brian Valentine describing the state of the art in OS security, 2003.
"The only truly secure computer is one buried in concrete, with the power turned off and the network cable cut."
It's not clear whether 'big data' means more needles, or just a bigger haystack." — Joe Touch.
"NO, You cannot dial 911, I'm downloading my mail !!!"
"Never underestimate the bandwidth of a pickup full of magnetic tapes."
"hURL /n/ a link to a web site that makes you want to puke." — Cathie Walker.
"2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push !"
"My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier."
"Old lie — The check is in the mail.    \nNew lie — I didn't check the e-mail." — Brian Fine.
"CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh.."
"First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure." — Buy at Amazon.comDouglas Adams (1952—2001)
Take a look at the information superhighway humor page.
[Wouldyou.jpg] Would you invest in that company ?   \nMicrosoft/Intel Bashing
"Vista is a fatass riced-out American SUV with flat tires and the brakes stuck halfway on. Dump that POS and try again." — GameboyRMH.
"Vista is the the George W Bush of the technology industry."
"Microsoft is now talking about the digital nervous system... I guess I would be nervous if my system was built on their technology too." — Scott McNealy.
"Putting Windows [3.11] on top of DOS is like putting whipped cream on a road apple [horse poop]." — Scott McNealy.
"Saying your OS is the best in the world 'cause more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world."
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." — Bill Gates, 1981.
"[A]bort, [R]etry, [I]gnore, [F]ail ?" — Does Bill Gates know the answer ?
"Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? Yep/Nope"
"Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN !"
"Win95 not found, [P]arty, [C]elebrate, [D]rink ?"
"Windows 95 /n./ 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
"I wonder what Jesus would do if He had to reload Windows 95 for the eighth time today ?" — Mirabour Gilbride.
"They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, 'cause if you play it forwards, it installs Windows." — Alluvium.
"Microsoft went into orbit because it had a booster rocket attached to it called IBM." — Bill Gates.
""English, the Microsoft of languages..."
"Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now ? [OK]"
"WinNT: All the headaches of Unix, but in a pretty, windowed environment."
"WinNT: supports Plug'n Play devices, just not Plug 'n Play..."
"DOS never says 'EXCELLENT command or filename'."
"MS-DOS isn't dead, it just smells that way." — Henry Spencer.
"MS-DOS, an OS originally designed for a microprocessor that modern kitchen appliances would sneer at." — Dave Trowbridge, Computer Technology Review, Aug 90.
"It's been said that Bill Gates named his company after his dick..."
"DOS: No serial number required.    \n95/98/SE: To cut down on casual piracy, enter this serial number.  \nWin2K: Since that didn't work, it might phone home unless you ask nicely that it not phone home.     \nXP: Since that didn't work, it won't activate until you let it phone home. Don't worry, we won't nuke existing installations.     \nVista: Since that didn't work, we'll nuke any box that stops phoning."
"Ever notice how fast Windows runs ?  \n— Neither did I."
"Letting XP run for more than a month is like re-using a condom 50 or 60 times. Theoretically it can work, but is sick and ill advised."
"I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse."
"Restart, Reboot, Reinstall." — The three Rs to windows tech support.
"If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft."
"There's no set architecture in Linux. All roads lead to madness." — Microsoft executive Martin Taylor.
"Microsoft: Where do you want to go today ?     \nLinux: Where do you want to go tomorrow ?         \nBSD/OS-X: Are you guys coming or what ?!?"
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated." — Bumper sticker.