A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. ~Mitch Ratcliffe
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. ~Author Unknown
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. ~Andy Rooney
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. ~Michael Sinz
There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We do not believe this to be a coincidence. ~Jeremy S. Anderson
The Internet is so big, so powerful and so pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life. ~Andrew Brown
Who needs nuclear weapons when you have the power of the internet ~ Leah Wakefield
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. ~Farmer's Almanac, 1978
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. ~One of Murphy's Laws of Technology
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a 'fix' of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. ~Rob Stampfli
My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. ~Penn Jillett
I predict that the future world market for computers will be 5 ~ Thomas Waton Jr. (Head of IBM in the 1950s)
If the car industry had progressed as fast as the computer industry then every rolls-royce would cost 1 cent each, fit on the head of a pin and go a million miles to the gallon.
So true. You can get quantum computers, but you won't get quantum cars for a long time. - PositronWildhawk
Without computer man is nothing
The computer is moron. ~ Peter Drucker
It is indeed a surprising and fortunate fact that nature can be expressed by relatively low-order mathematical functions. \nRudolf Carnap
When I am working on a problem, I never thing about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. Quotations on the Intellectual Aspects \nBuckminster Fuller
In my mind, the creative aspects of science and art involve many of the same 'how, why, and what' questions. Both disciplines deal with theories, set up problems, experiment with possibilities and help us understand the world we live in. Quotations on the Intellectual Aspects \nKaren Guzak
In conceptual art the idea or concept is the most important aspect of the work . . . all planning and decisions are made beforehand and the execution is a perfunctory affair. The idea becomes the machine that makes the art. Quotations on the Intellectual Aspects \nNote: in the above quote, substitute computer for conceptual. \nSol LeWitt
Art is, now, mainly a form of thinking. \nQuotations on the Intellectual Aspects \nSusan Sontag
My works are based in a field of computational science called cellular automata or CAs. These are simple systems that can propagate themselves over time and belong to the discipline known as artificial life or A-Life... Rather than being constructed or designed, these works 'evolve.' I look forward to a future where computational processes like the ones that I build will themselves make artworks without the need for human intervention. \nPaul Brown in Art of the Digital Age \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
Within the digital creative matrix is a human consciousness that must utilize the traditional processes of understanding line, color theory and subject matter - its linear function is the same by definition as traditional processes and must be judged and valued accordingly. \nSteve Danzig \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
Generative art refers to any art practice where the artist creates a process, such as a set of natural language rules, a computer program, a machine, or other procedural invention, which is then set into motion with some degree of autonomy contributing to or resulting in a completed work of art. \nPhilip Galanter \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
The principle behind my work has always been pretty simple, It consists of putting together a process that creates instructions for a tool. It's all computer-driven motion of a tool on a surface. \nJean-Pierre Hébert \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
The process of preparing programs for a digital computer is especially attractive, not only because it can be economically and scientifically rewarding, but also because it can be an aesthetic experience much like composing poetry or music. \nDonald E. Knuth \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
My work in computer art is a form of oscillography, the results of which I have called 'Oscillons' or 'Electronic Abstractions.' These are composed of combinations of basic electronic wave forms as displayed on a cathode ray oscilloscope and photographed. Color compositions are achieved by means of special filter arrangements... The relationship of the oscillons to computer art is that the basic waveforms are analogue curves, of the type used in analogue computer systems. The oscillons have been recognized as being the first major development in this field as abstract art creations, and the first to be widely exhibited and published in America and abroad. \nBen Laposky, 1975
I write computer algorithms, i.e. rules that calculate and then generate a work that could not be realized in any other way. It is not necessarily the system or the logic I want to present in my work, but the visual invention that results from it. My artistic goal is reached when a finished work can visually dissociate itself from its logical content and convincingly stand as an independent abstract entity. \nManfred Mohr in Art of the Digital Age \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
Artists never really leave anything alone. If you give them a tool its going to get used, and that tool has to be on a certain level before it's really acceptable... So technology recently has given us the possibility to do things at the sort of speed at which the artist can think. \nBill Goldston, Roundtable at the Brooklyn Museum of Art \nQuotations on the Impact and Place of Computer Art \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
We are entering the Age of Integration! ...The digital artist is the vehicle to that kind of cultural change. We are the first generation of this new breed and we will most surely be remembered...for we bring a quake of expression and technique that makes the art world very uncomfortable and that is as it should be. \nGene Hirsch \nQuotations on the Impact and Place of Computer Art \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
Digital is not here to put an end to anything. Rather it is here to expand all things, to combine and to make more things attainable. For the artist, it is the edgiest work of all; the biggest, most exciting challenge in a long history of the synthesis between technology and hand and mind and heart. \nJ.D. Jarvis \nQuotations on the Impact and Place of Computer Art \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
Since the technology of electronics has become such an important part of modern life, it is inevitable that it be employed in the creation of art. \nBen Laposky, 1969 \nQuotations on the Impact and Place of Computer Art \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
He was always jumping on the newest things and new media. He would be creating art on computers now. That's where he'd go. \nYoko Ono on John Lennon \nQuotations on the Impact and Place of Computer Art \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
Today, the main option people have for expressing themselves powerfully is through machines. \nMark Pauline, Survival Research Laboratories (1987) \nQuotations on the Impact and Place of Computer Art \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
Machines have the power to become the ultimate interactive art-making tool. Computers are becoming postmodern blenders bringing together images, sound, and interactive, nonlinear space. \nDavid Stout \nQuotations on the Impact and Place of Computer Art \nQuotations on the Theoretical Aspects
The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that's not saying much. Let's face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end \nDouglas Adams fun funny computer jokes silly crazy
The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all his customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who by peddling second-hand, second-rate technology, led them all into it in the first place. \nDouglas Adams
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. \nIsaac Asimov
HELP: The feature that assists in generating more questions. \nWhen the Help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens. \nThey end up where they started from without learning a damn thing.
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. \nDick Brandon
I invented it, Bill made it famous. \nDavid Bradley (wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete on the IBM PC)
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. \nBradley's Bromide
Never ask what sort of computer a guy drives. \nIf he's a Mac user, he'll tell you. \nIf not, why embarrass him? \nTom Clancy
When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... \nNow even my cat has its own page. \nBill Clinton
I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image. \nStephen Hawking
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software. \nArthur C. Clarke (Clarke's 69th Law, The Odyssey File, 1984)
I think computer viruses should count as life. \nI think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. \nWe've created life in our own image. \nStephen Hawking
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa."Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
A student asked, "What gender is computer?" \nInstead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. \nEach group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. \n\nThe men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because: \n\n 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. \n 2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. \n 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval. \n 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it. \n\nThe women''s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because: \n\n 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on. \n 2. They have a lot of data but still can''t think for themselves. \n 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. \n 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited little longer, you could have gotten a better model. \n 5. If you try to make them do too many things at the same time they crash. \n 6. Repairing them is usually more difficult than getting a new one. \n\nThe women won.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. \nRich Cook
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. \nRobert X. Cringely
The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window. \nRobert Paul
Although the Buddhists will tell you that desire is the root of suffering, my personal experience leads me to point the finger at system administration. \nPhilip Greenspun
So we went to Atari and said, `Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, `No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, `Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.' \nSteve Jobs, founder of Apple Computer Inc. on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his personal computer.
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. \nThe round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. \nAnd they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. \nThey imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. \nThey inspire. \nThey push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? \nOr gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?We make tools for these kinds of people. \nWhile some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. \nApple Computer Advertisement
I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn't need an interpreter. Nicholas Petreley
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. \nThomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943
I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year. \nPrentice Hall, editor in charge of business books, 1957
But what ... is it good for? \nAnonymous engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image. \nStephen Hawking
What about a well-educated vegetarian cat? photo with a computer mouse in his mouth...
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft.... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. \nWernher von Braun
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it. \nBrian W. Kernighan
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. \nEmo Philips
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. \nPablo Picasso
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons. \nunknown, Popular Mechanics, March 1949
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. \nAnon
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. \nKen Olson , President, Chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
640Kb ought to be enough for anybody. \nBill Gates, 1981
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. \nThis happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. \nJef Raskin
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. \nAndy Rooney
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. \nAndy Rooney
I don't care what it is, when it has an LCD screen, it makes it better. \nKevin Rose
With all the talk about viruses, worms, giant networks, cyber-terrorism and robot-spiders, don't you ever feel your office is a bad science fiction movie? \nRudyh
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. \nMichael Sinz
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it. \n?
Software is like sex: It's better when it's free. \nLinus Torvalds
The good news: Computers allow us to work 100% faster. \nThe bad news: They generate 300% more work.
Inter-what? Some real-life questions to help-desks. \n"I'd like to buy the Internet. Do you know how much it is?" \n"Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?" \n"I would like an Internet please." \n"I just got your Internet in the mail today..." \n"I just downloaded the Internet. How do I use it?" \n"I don't have a computer at home. Is the Internet available in book form?" \n"Will the Internet be open on Memorial Day tomorrow?" \n"We're getting an Internet from you. Are you guys having any problems sending out your Internets?" \n"The Internet is running too slow. Could you reboot it please?" \n"We're going on holiday for three months, can you suspend the Internet for us please?" \n"I have a problem with my Internet. Anyone know how to get the screens smaller?" \n"I lost my Internet. I switched it off last night and turned on this morning, and it's gone. I just paid $19.95 a month, and I have lost it already. Can you send me another one?" \n"The Internet site is giving me a busy signal!" \n"Every time I call you I get disconnected from the Internet!"
There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't. \n?
If builders built houses the way programmers built programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization. \nGerald Weinberg
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. \nRobert Wilensky
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs. \nMaurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.” \n\nTech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?” \n\nCustomer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?” \n\nTech Support: “Yes.” \n\nCustomer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! He was there for almost a half hour! How much does AOL charge for long distance?” \n\nTech Support: “It does not work that way. You can surf anywhere without long distance charges.” \n\nCustomer: “No, I am sure AOL charges extra. It doesn’t make any sense that they wouldn’t. England is a long way away, they would lose millions not to.” \n\nAfter trying to explain how the web worked, the customer refused to take my word and said she was going to call AOL. A while later she called back. \n\nCustomer: “Well, AOL said you were correct; no long distance charge for overseas web sites. I do have another question I thought of after I hung up with AOL.” \n\nTech Support: “Yes?” \n\nCustomer: “Do you think they charge extra for long distance email?” \n\nTech Support: “Trust me — they don’t.” \n\nCustomer: “Wonderful! My oldest son works in Sweden. He sends us email, but I was always afraid to reply because I didn’t know how much it would cost, so I just called him on the phone. This will save us lots of money! Still if AOL was smart they would charge for this service.”
Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood. \nF1! = Help!
Two geeks are talking over lunch. \n\nThe first guy says, “You wouldn’t believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said ‘Take whatever you want!’ … So I took the bike” \n\nThe second guy says, “Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. \n\nWanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’ \n\nWithout blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response: \n\nPASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. \n\nShe tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.” \n\nThe surprised salesman replies, “But, madam, computers do not have curtains.” \n\nAnd the blonde said, “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”
Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.” \nTech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?” \nCustomer: “Netscape.” \nTech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?” \nCustomer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?” \nTech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.” \nCustomer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!"
Caller: Hey, can you help me? My computer has locked up, and no matter how many times I type eleven, it won’t unfreeze. \n\nAgent: What do you mean, “type eleven?” \n\nCaller: The message on my screen says, “Error Type 11!” \n\nCaller: Oh, no, it’s just the stupid, stupid design of this computer. Every time I want to click something, I have to unplug the keyboard to plug in the mouse. And then every time I want to use the keyboard again, I have to unplug the mouse. Because there’s only one jack. \n\nAgent: Ma’am, you do realize that there’s a jack on the keyboard itself? You’re supposed to plug the mouse into the keyboard, and the keyboard into the computer. \n\nCaller: Are you kidding me!? Oh, wait a minute—yes, I see it now! Oh, holy cow. That’s going to be so much easier! \n\nAgent: Just out of curiosity, how long have you been using your computer that way? \n\nCaller: Six weeks!
I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here. --- Computer jokes...
To double your drive space, delete Windows. --- Computer jokes...
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave. --- Computer jokes...
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0. --- Computer jokes...
No matter hw much u keep hitting escape but u still available…that’s a nice one! Lol --- Computer jokes...
Press any key to continue, or any other key to exit. --- Computer jokes...
How do you know when a convict has been on your computer? \n\n It's gone --- Computer jokes...
This guy was learning english. He learned the top 10 words: lol, yea, totaly, driving, swag, dead, women, hate, exited, jk.   \n\nThere was a murder at a museum. He went to check it out. The cops asked who was this. The man said lol. The cop said was it you? The man said yea.      \nThe cop said do you want to go to jail? He responded with totaly!   \nCop: How did you kill him?   \nMan: Driving.     \nCop: How did you do it?   \nMan: Swag.  \nCop: So what do you think is a fair punishment?   \nMan: Dead.    \nCop: What do you love most in your life?    \nMan: Women.    \nCop: So you love your wife.     \nMan: Hate.   \nCop: What do you think about jail?    \nMan: Exited.    \nCop: Really?    \nMan: Jk.     --- Computer jokes...
A few messages :–    \n\n1. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!   \n2. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.  \n3. Press any key . . . no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!      \n4. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)   \n5. Hit any user to continue.    \n6. Disk Full — Press F1 to belch.  \n7. Backup not found: Abort / Retry / Panic.       \n8. *Text Unreadable* — Abort / Retry / Get a Coke.       --- Computer jokes...