And the users exclaimed with a laugh and a taunt: "It's just what we asked for but not what we want." - Anonymous There are 10 kinds of people in this world....Those who understand binary and those who don't. - Anonymous For a sucessful technology, honesty must take precedence over public relations for nature cannot be fooled. - Richard Feynman Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable. - Ralph Johnson Software and cathedrals are much the same - first we build them, then we pray. - Anonymous Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind. - Donald Knuth If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. - Edsger W. Dijkstra Real Programmers don't need comments—the code is obvious. - Anonymous program, n.: A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. tr.v. To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward. - luc.aleaume.free.fr Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight. - Bill Gates A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t. In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows? Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway. An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?” Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas? \nA: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC. Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? \nA: None. It’s a hardware problem. Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?” \nThe first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu” \n“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.” “I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.” \n– Antone Roundy A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest. \n“Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor. “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I’ll be…” \nThe civil engineer breaks in: \n“But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me.” \nThe programmer thinks a bit and then says: \n“And who do you think created chaos?” A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby. \n– Is it a boy or a girl? \n– Yes. A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” \nHeisenberg responds, “NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am.” Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math. We’ve been chuckling here at the Pingdom office while putting this together, so we hope you enjoyed this post as much as we did. 00 vs. C++ \n"I invented the term 'Object-Oriented', and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind." \nAlan Kay (born May 17,1940); American computer scientist. He was elected a Fellow of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences, the National Academy of Engineering, and the Royal Society of Arts. He is best known for his pioneering work on object-oriented programming and windowing graphical user interface design. \nCredit: Wikipedia On teaching COBOL \n"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense." \nE.W. Dijkstra (11 May, 1930 - 6 August, 2002); Dutch computer scientist and mathematical scientist. \nAn early theoretical pioneer in many areas of computing science including algorithm design, programming methodology, and software architecture. He received the 1972 Turing Award for fundamental contributions to developing programming languages, and was the Schlumberger Centennial Chair of Computer Sciences at The University of Texas at Austin from 1984 until 2000. \nCredit: Wikipedia On Trying Code \n"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it." \nDonald Knuth (born January 10,1938); American computer scientist, mathematician, and professor emeritus at Stanford University. He contributed to the development of the rigorous analysis of the computational complexity of algorithms and systematized formal mathematical techniques for it. \nCredit: Wikipedia On systems analysis \n"Computer system analysis is like child-rearing; you can do grievous damage, but you cannot ensure success." \nTom DeMarco (born August 20,1940); American software engineer, author, and consultant on software engineering topics. He was an early developer of structured analysis in the 1970s. \nCredit: Wikipedia On the evil of PHP and Perl \n"PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals." \nJon Ribbens {born 28 December 1975); Programmer, programming team leader, entrepreneur currently Technical Director for Sitemorse. Real programmers \n"I'm not a real programmer. I throw together things until it works then I move on. The real programmers will say: "Yeah, it works but you're leaking memory everywhere. Perhaps we should fix that". I'll just restart Apache every 10 requests." \nRasmus Lerdqrf (bqrn 22 November 1968)1 Greenlandic programrper.with Canadian citizenship. He created the PHP scripting language, authoring the first two versions of the language and participated in the development of later versions [and] continues to contribute to the project. \nCredit: Wikipedia What kind of language is Perl? \n"When they first built the University of California at Irvine they just put the buildings in. They did not put any sidewalks, they just planted grass. The next year, they came back and put the sidewalks where the trails were in the grass. Perl is just that kind of language. It is not designed from first principles. Perl is those sidewalks in the grass." \nLarry Wall (born September 27,1954); American computer programmer and author, most widely known as the creator of the Perl programming language. \nCredit: Wikipedia Low level irrelevancy \n"A programming language is low level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant." \nAlan J. Perils (April 1,1922 - February 1,1990); American computer scientist known for his pioneering work in programming languages and the first recipient of the Turing Award. \nCredit: Wikipedia Ethical coding \n"It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a Desti oyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter." \nNathaniel S. Borenstein (born September 23,1957); American computer scientist. He is one of the original designers of the MIME protocol for formatting multimedia Internet electronic mail and sent the first e-mail attachment. \nCredit: Wikipedia C is a what? \n"C is not a high-level language." \nBrian Wilson Kernighan (born January 1,1942); Canadian computer scientist who worked at Bell Labs alongside Unix creators Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie and contributed to the development of Unix. \nHe is also coauthor of the AWK and AMPL programming languages. The "K" of K&R C and the "K" in AWK both stand for "Kernighan". Since 2000 Brian Kernighan has been a professorat the Computer Science Department of Princeton University, where he is also the Undergraduate Department Representative. \nCredit: Wikipedia Small furry animals \n"I will not be a lemming and follow the crowd over the cliff and into the C." \nJohn (Jack) Beidler; professor of Computing Sciences at University of Scranton. C is ... ? \n"C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success.' \nDennis MacAHstair Ritchie (September 9,1941 - c. October 12,2011); American computer scientist who created the C programming language and, with long-time colleague Ken Thompson, the Unix operating system. Ritchie and Thompson received the Turing Award from the ACM in 1983, the Hamming Medal from the IEEE in 1990, and the National Medal of Technology from President Clinton in 1999. Ritchie was the head of Lucent Technologies System Software Research Department when he retired in 2007. He was the "R" in K&R. \nCredit: Wikipedia C is like dancing but \n"A C program is like a fast dance on a newly waxed dance floor by people carrying razors." \nWaldì Ravens... widely quoted but no online trace. C++: As good as it gets? \n"Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++ ???" \nDr Richard A. O'Keefe. New Zealand computer scientist, currently working in Department of Computer Science at the University of Otago. He concentrates on languages for logic programming and functional programming (including Prolog, Haskell, and Erlang). \nCredit: University of Otago Linus, what do you think of C++? \n"C++ is a horrible language. It's made more horrible by the fact that a lot of substandard programmers use it, to the point where it's much much easier to generate total and utter crap with it. Quite frankly, even if the choice of C were to do *nothing* but keep the C++ programmers out, that in itself would be a huge reason to use C." \nLinus Benedict Torvalds {born December 28,1969); Finnish American software engineer was the principal force behind the development of the Linux kernel and later became the chief architect of the Linux kernel and now acts as the project's coordinator. He also created the distributed revision control system git. \nCredit: Wikipedia C++ is dangerous \n"In C++ it's harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg." \nBjarne Stroustrup (born 30 December 1950); Danish computer scientist, most notable for the creation and development of the widely used C++ programming language. He is a Distinguished Research Professorand holdsthe College of Engineering Chair in Computer Science at Texas A&M University,a visiting professor at Columbia University, and works at Morgan Stanley. \nCredit: Wikipedia POTUS knows code \n"Considering the current sad state of our computer programs, software development is clearly still a black art, and cannot yet be called an engineering discipline." \nWilliam Jefferson Clinton (born August 19,1946); American politician who served as the 42nd President of the United States from 1993 to 2001. He previously served as Governor of Arkansas from 1979 to 1981 and 1983 to 1992, and as the state's Attorney General from 1977 to 1979. \nCredit: Wikipedia Garbage in, what out? \n"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." \nCharles Babbage (26 December 1791 -18 October 1871); English mathematician, philosopher, inventor and mechanical engineer, Babbage is best remembered for originating the concept of a programmable computer. \nCredit: Wikipedia You don't really hate computers ... \n"That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers." \nLarry Niven (born April 30,1938); American science fiction writer. His best-known work is Ringworld (1970), which received Hugo, Locus, Ditmar, and Nebula awards. His work is primarily hard science fiction, using big science concepts and theoretical physics. \nCredit: Wikipedia Programming gets things done \n"I am rarely happier than when spending entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that it would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand." \nDouglas Noel Adams (11 March 1952 - 11 May 2001); English writer, humorist, and dramatist. Adams is best known as the author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which originated in 1978 as a BBC radio comedy. \nCredit: Wikipedia Literary computing \n"#define QUESTION {{bb),| !(bb))" \nWilliam Shakespeare (26 April 1564 (baptised) - 23 April 1616} was an English poet, playwright and actor, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world's pre-eminent dramatist. He is often called England's national poet, and the "Bard of Avon". His programming career is unclear. \nCredit: Wikipedia 44 Interesting Computer Quotes And Sayings Kzee | September 7, 2017 | Computer Quotes | No Comments Computers are making our lives a lot more easier than before their invention as far as we know computers are the future of everything in real world and virtual too. That is why people loves to read computer quotes and share some brilliant computer quotes with others to make the world aware of what technology is bringing to the world of humans. As computers are making every thing easier by their best working methods and techniques we are also doing all of this work to bring some computer quotes to you by computers and a network of computers which called the internet of today. For most people the computer machine is yet a machine and nothing else but for many of the educated people this the greatest invention of today tech and people loves it as this is making different in every field of the work to fun too. That is why we are sharing some really amazing and wonderful computer quotes which you can share with others and also tell them what is the computer and how you can do better with it. So what are you waiting for? let’s get started by reading out some of these computer quotes now. Computer Quotes “Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.” – Steve Wozniak “Two things you should know about me; The first is that I am deeply suspicious of people in general. It is my nature to expect the worst of them. And the second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers.” – Veronica Roth “A computer can be a useful and indispensable tool. But if we allow it to devour our time with vain, unproductive, and sometimes destructive pursuits, it becomes an entangling net.” – Joseph B. Wirthlin “I think computer viruses should count as life … I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image.” – Stephen Hawking “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Emo Philips “I know there’s a proverb which that says ‘To err is human,’ but a human error is nothing to what a computer can do if it tries.” – Agatha Christie “Computer science is one of the worst things that ever happened to either computers or to science.” – Neil Gershenfeld “Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.” – Joseph Campbell “Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.” – Edsger Dijkstra “Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.” – Robert A. Heinlein “To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.” – Dave Barry “Doing research on the Web is like using a library assembled piecemeal by pack rats and vandalized nightly. ” – Roger Ebert “The computer can’t tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what’s missing is the eyebrows.” – Frank Zappa “No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.” – E.A. Bucchianeri “Science is what we understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else we do.” – Donald Knuth “A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.” – Mitch Ratcliffe “To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.” – Paul R. Ehrlich “That’s the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers.” – Larry Niven “The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.” – Dave Barry “I really didn’t foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much of course–the computer industry didn’t even foresee that the century was going to end.” – Douglas Adams “I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.” – Carol Burnett “Man is a slow, sloppy, and brilliant thinker; computers are fast, accurate, and stupid.” – John Pfeiffer “No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it’s doing; but most of the time, we aren’t either.” – Marvin Minsky “Those who can imagine anything, can create the impossible.” – Alan Turing “A computer would deserve to be called intelligent if it could deceive a human into believing that it was human.” – Alan Turing “I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.” – Dave Barry “I couldn’t tell you in any detail how my computer works. I use it with a layer of automation.” – Conrad Wolfram “Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement.” – Frederick P. Brooks Jr. “No computer is ever going to ask a new, reasonable question. It takes trained people to do that.” – Grace Hopper “Asked about the fact that Apple’s iTunes software for Windows computers was extremely popular, Jobs joked, ‘It’s like giving a glass of ice water to somebody in hell.” – Walter Isaacson “Computing is kind of a mess. Your computer doesn’t know where you are. It doesn’t know what you’re doing. It doesn’t know what you know.” – Larry Page “Our first computers were born not out of greed or ego, but in the revolutionary spirit of helping common people rise above the most powerful institutions.” – Steve Wozniak “I think computer science, by and large, is still stuck in the Modern age.” – Larry Wall “The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.” – Wernher von Braun “I never took a computer science course in college, because then it was a thing you just learned on your own.” – Mitchel Resnick “In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.” – John Dvorak “Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to make dreams come true and the tendency to miss lunch.” – Tim Berners-Lee “I wonder who had the first computer dream, where, and when? I wonder if computers ever dream of humans.” – David Mitchell “You could get an entire computer science education for free right now.” – Sebastian Thrun “You didn’t happen to install Windows when you upgraded me, did you?” – Kelly McCullough “If you think about computer programming, it’s as antisocial as it gets.” – Shawn Fanning “Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.” – Dave Barry “Religion is like a personal computer. You let people in if you want to… We’re all gods.” – Jay-Z “It was one thing to use computers as a tool, quite another to let them do your thinking for you.” – Tom Clancy