Main Area and Open Discussion > Living Room
Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!
kyrathaba:
Chapter 14
Page 23.3 "Unless they grew so long that they broke off and fell into the pool." Do you think he would have seen evidence
on the ceiling of the cave of the remains of broken stalactites?
--- End quote ---
Eventually they would have found such evidence, but remember the modal height of the cavern roof is 40 meters, too far to
see clearly without powerfully spotlighting it. There were survey bots that crawled all over the cavern, but it would take
time for their data to be aggregated, and even then Grant Thompson probably wouldn't have had immediate access to such
reports (though Dr. Jaimie Ericson would).
Page 23.8 "Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted “No loose stone or other detritus." Does that need punctuation?
'Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted, “No loose stone or other detritus.'
--- End quote ---
Yes, it does. Thanks!
Chapter 15
Page 24.3 "The training that King Molech had mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast of some
sort of hot creamed wheat flavored by diced up pieces of peaches." What do you think of 'The training that King Molech had
mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast, which consisted of some sort of hot creamed wheat
flavored by diced up pieces of peaches.'... I kept stumbling over the sentence when reading it out, so it may just be me?
--- End quote ---
That does flow better, yes.
Page 24.5 "The noise of clashing practice swords drifted up to them from the courtyard below" Would they have known
what practice swords sounded like?
--- End quote ---
That's a bit of narration for the reader's benefit.
Page 24.12 "Please, continue educating us about the Ashwood and the orcs." Everywhere else 'The Ashwood'
--- End quote ---
Good catch, Perry. Fixed.
Page 24.19 "She turned in about in her fingers" should be 'it'
--- End quote ---
I hate it when I make those most basic of typos. Yet they're so common. Like "is" instead of "it". Thanks!
--- End quote ---
kyrathaba:
... and with that we're stuck at the end with nothing more to read!!!
--- End quote ---
Soon, Grasshopper, soon.
kyrathaba:
I've finished editing Prologue through end of Chapter 4. Mostly found little things, like missing question marks, or a misplaced quotation mark. Our church begins five evenings of children's Vacation Bible School tonight, so I'll try to edit Chapter 5 and maybe Chapter 6 this later this evening. Should be back to writing new chapters soon.
kyrathaba:
Chapter 5 done. Will work on Chapter 6 when I get home in about 2.5 hours.
Exodore:
Hey Kyra,
I joined the forum just to tell you how much I've been enjoying the book. I was going to offer to do a little proof reading, but it appears that you have some expert help in that area.
-Exe
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version