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Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!
kyrathaba:
In next upload,
We don’t have implants now.
will be corrected to
We don’t have implants now.”
as if any appliance’s power cell were removed...
will become
as if an appliance’s power cell were removed.
then Sethra admitted. “If they do either of those things
will become
then Sethra admitted, “If they do either of those things
4wd:
Urgh...I'm never going to reach the end of this book...haven't managed to get to chapter 6 yet....
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Why not just read the last two chapters each time I upload? Or is it a matter of complete thoroughness, making sure the entire book hangs together from page one?-kyrathaba (June 15, 2013, 09:37 PM)
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That was the main reason but now you've said you haven't made changes in earlier chapters since the last few Perry and I mentioned, I'll just read the last ones posted.
If and when you stop I'll start from scratch again, (then I can resume Who Goes There by John W. Campbell :) ).
A few more possibles:
Chapter 1:
Think about it: we’ve got bases on Io, Callisto, Mars, and Luna, as well as numerous layers of outwardly focused detectors in orbit of our planets, all the way out to Pluto and even Janus, constantly sending telemetry back to the home planet.
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Think about it: we’ve got bases on Io, Callisto, Mars, and Luna, as well as numerous layers of outwardly focused detectors orbiting our planets, all the way out to Pluto and even Janus, constantly sending telemetry back to the home planet.
Chapter 2:
“The bottom line,” said Eddie, is that even if we blow this entirely and get put in confinement for questioning, we’ve not lost much. Each of our bodies is going to die in the coming weeks, regardless, so what do we have to lose by chancing this? And if our experiment fails, we won’t know it: once we go under into immersion, either Sethra’s theory proves out, or else we just lose consciousness and never know when we die.”
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“The bottom line,” said Eddie, “is that even if we blow this entirely and get put in confinement for questioning, we’ve not lost much. Each of our bodies is going to die in the coming weeks, regardless, so what do we have to lose by chancing this? And if our experiment fails, we won’t know it: once we go under into immersion, either Sethra’s theory proves out, or else we just lose consciousness and never know when we die.”
Chapter 3:
The positioning of some of the commas seems strange to me but after inwardly digesting commas I've decided I'm not intelligent enough to comment on them :)
But to give you an idea:
The other android (they were always assigned in pairs) was unable to produce audio or video for the killing, either.
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The other android, (they were always assigned in pairs), was unable to produce audio or video for the killing either.
He wondered if Zuzana was experiencing something similar. Even the nausea hadn’t seemed as bad, today.
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He wondered if Zuzana was experiencing something similar. Even the nausea hadn’t seemed as bad today.
-----------
He set the TCPI to the left of the rack of vials, and added the power cells to the same plastic wrack that held the chemical vials.
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He set the TCPI to the left of the rack of vials, and added the power cells to the same plastic rack that held the chemical vials.
When the gun was taken apart fully, he produced eight special made tungsten components that he would need to properly modify the casing and triggering mechanism.
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When the gun was taken apart fully, he produced eight specially made tungsten components that he would need to properly modify the casing and triggering mechanism.
He took the now empty vials and the plastic wrack,...
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He took the now empty vials and the plastic rack,...
Chapter 4:
“Certainly. Beyond the base of the pole, it continues another eighty meters into the bedrock. It’s quite well-anchored. Trust me, this thing will be here for millennia after we’re gone.”
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“Certainly. Beyond the base of the shaft, it continues another eighty meters into the bedrock. It’s quite well-anchored. Trust me, this thing will be here for millennia after we’re gone.”
Sethra stepped down from a railing where he’d been diagnosing the cameras. These cameras are in perfect working order, which doesn’t surprise me.”
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Sethra stepped down from a railing where he’d been diagnosing the cameras. “These cameras are in perfect working order, which doesn’t surprise me.”
“The same robots that service these anti-radiation grills also perform diagnostics and maintenance on the cameras. There’s only one conclusion that we can draw, from both my observations of these grills and your testing of the cameras.”
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“The same robots that service these anti-radiation grills also perform diagnostics and maintenance on the cameras. There’s only one conclusion that we can draw from both my observations of these grills and your testing of the cameras.”
“They need to get finished and get back down here in the next fifteen minutes, so we can get out of here, and hosed down, and out of these itchy suits.”
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“They need to get finished and get back down here in the next fifteen minutes, so we can get out of here, hosed down, and out of these itchy suits.”
kyrathaba:
@4wd: you're phenomenal, bro! Made all the necessary corrections. Thank you!
I will upload my own Ch. 8 corrections, plus all these you've pointed out. The upload in the OP will be titled "KR_thanks_4wd.zip".
kyrathaba:
Hey, 4wd: if you want, I can hold off on uploading for a couple weeks, maybe get three or four more chapters written, giving you time to get back to and finish the book you were reading. Your call :D
kyrathaba:
Word-count Summary:
Prologue: 1,922 words
Chapter 1: 3,425 words
Chapter 2: 3,546 words
Chapter 3: 3,488 words
Chapter 4: 3,380 words
Chapter 5: 2,787 words
Chapter 6: 1,281 words
Chapter 7: 1,993 words
Chapter 8: 2,073 words
Total words (not counting front- or back-matter): 23,895 words
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