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Last post Author Topic: Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!  (Read 183352 times)

kyrathaba

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Re: 48K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #325 on: July 01, 2013, 06:53:58 PM »
In my manuscript, I have it "What I propose"...

4wd

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Re: 48K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #326 on: July 01, 2013, 07:03:18 PM »
That's fine.

kyrathaba

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Re: 48K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #327 on: July 01, 2013, 07:42:39 PM »
Chapter 19 has been added, and the entire manuscript unloaded in epub/mobi formats as a zip archive in the OP. Chapter 19 currently has 2,562 words.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2013, 07:52:49 PM by kyrathaba »

4wd

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #328 on: July 01, 2013, 11:11:57 PM »
Chapter 19:
Quote
His orders are to accompany the Medical techs and the two corpses to reinforced isolation for the bodies of Designees 2135 and 3025.

Seems to be numerical duplication to me, possibly:

His orders are to accompany the Medical techs as the corpses of Designees 2135 and 3025 are placed in reinforced isolation.

Quote
“Now you are invading my personal space,” observed A32N-43. Do you require assistance in returning to your former position? Sensors indicate that your heart rate and blood pressure have risen above healthy levels. Perhaps you are not functioning optimally. I repeat: do you require assistance?”

“Now you are invading my personal space,” observed A32N-43. Do you require assistance in returning to your former position? Sensors indicate that your heart rate and blood pressure have risen above healthy levels. Perhaps you are not functioning optimally. I repeat: do you require assistance?”

Quote
Berber ripped the body bag open, almost jamming the heavy-duty zipper. Then, he and Aralania De Codamus gripped Shima Soki’s corpse in gloved hands and lifted it from the bag and onto a stainless steel table.

I'm not sure it's necessary to mention Aralania's full name again, since the same hasn't been done for Berber.

Quote
He referred to the android they’d left at the corridor that gave access onto this bank of four adjacent observation cells, each encased behind two-inch thick safety glass.

I think 'in' and 'to' would be more suitable, I'm also not sure about 'bank', (a bank of cells/rooms sounds strange), but the only other word I can think of is suite. Maybe drop it altogether:

He referred to the android they’d left in the corridor that gave access to these four adjacent observation cells, each encased behind two-inch thick safety glass.

Quote
Android A32N-15 used a pallet jack to raise a pallet of heavy boxes of large rolls of insulation tape off a warehouse floor in a subsection of Engineering.

Probably me but there seems to be too much 'of' too close together, possibly:

In a subsection of Engineering, android A32N-15 used a pallet truck to relocate a pallet heavy with boxes of insulation tape.

Quote
Android A32N-43 stood next to the cot with two specialized robot tools. “Welcome, brother, and congratulations. The Council is well-pleased indeed to bestow this honor on you. You will be the fourth to join our elite rank.”
A32N-43 lay down on the table, and his fellow turned on the robotic machines he had prepared. “I am honored. Serving the Council is its own honor,” he said.
A32N-15 echoed him, “Serving the Council is its own honor.” He produced a small case, while one of the robot tools drew a laser expertly in a rectangle along the synthflesh covering 43’s chest.

The first sentence above makes it seem as if '43 is already 'modified' and is welcoming an unmodified android, however it turns out to be the opposite.

Quote
Alarms blared throughout the compound. A majority of personnel are in Ericson Cavern right now. That was the only hopeful thought that went through Mephord’s head as he stumbled out of his cot, still fully clothed, and began issuing orders and inquiries via his implant as he headed for the Core.

Possibly:

The majority of personnel are in Ericson Cavern right now. This was Mephord's immediate thought as he was jerked awake by alarms blaring throughout the compound. He stumbled out of his cot, still fully clothed, issuing orders and inquiries via his implant as he headed for the Core.

Only problem is you lose the slight impact of 'Alarms blared throughout the compound.' being the first sentence - not sure  :-\

Quote
Android A32N-44 had relieved A32N43 several minutes ago, and swiveled its head to watch the Administrator rush past. It maintained its guard post in a corridor leading to observation cells.

Possibly:

Android A32N-44, who had relieved A32N-43 several minutes ago, swiveled its head to watch the Administrator rush past. It maintained its guard post in the corridor leading to the observation cells.

4wd

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #329 on: July 01, 2013, 11:29:32 PM »
Just as a matter of interest, would it be preferable to release every 2 days or so?

I'm wondering if it might be better to have some sort of informal schedule, I know I'm having trouble following the number of corrections/suggestions/updates/etc because they happen so often.  It's why I'm now not re-reading from the beginning until it's reached a more static state.


And please, some other readers join in the discussion - if it's just Perry and I then before long you'll have koalas swinging from stalactites and platypus foraging in the river, (trust me, it will happen - just look what happened when I mentioned anus)  ;)

TaoPhoenix

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #330 on: July 02, 2013, 05:41:17 AM »
And please, some other readers join in the discussion - if it's just Perry and I then before long you'll have koalas swinging from stalactites and platypus foraging in the river, (trust me, it will happen - just look what happened when I mentioned anus)  ;)

I'll try to jump into this sometime in the next ice age! I happened to notice the word count is going up!

With the incidental passage of time it looks like some progress has been made already, so I'll put it on my things to grind into getting done!


kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #331 on: July 02, 2013, 06:50:36 AM »
Quote
just look what happened when I mentioned anus)

Oh, I thought you were dead serious about including that {poker face}

Quote
ust as a matter of interest, would it be preferable to release every 2 days or so?

I'm wondering if it might be better to have some sort of informal schedule, I know I'm having trouble following the number of corrections/suggestions/updates/etc because they happen so often.  It's why I'm now not re-reading from the beginning until it's reached a more static state.

Yeah, I've been thinking this too. I'm gonna start releasing whenever two chapters are written, instead of one.

TaoPhoenix

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #332 on: July 02, 2013, 06:56:47 AM »
Yeah, I've been thinking this too. I'm gonna start releasing whenever two chapters are written, instead of one.

Make sure you bump the version number!
:P

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #333 on: July 02, 2013, 07:01:06 AM »
See if this reads right now:

Quote
In a subsection of Engineering, android A32N-15 used a pallet truck to relocate a pallet heavy with boxes of insulation tape. He moved the load backward three meters, revealing a metal trapdoor in the plastcrete floor. He partially descended a canted metal ladder and eased the trapdoor shut behind him. Automatic lights sprang to life as he stepped onto the floor of this buried area. The cot had been prepared, he saw.
Android A32N-43 stood next to the cot with two specialized robot tools. “Welcome, brother, and congratulations. The Council is well-pleased indeed to bestow this honor on you. You will be the fourth to join our elite rank.”
A32N-15 lay down on the table, and his fellow turned on the robotic machines he had prepared. “I am honored. Serving the Council is its own honor,” he said.
A32N-43 echoed him, “Serving the Council is its own honor.” He produced a small case, while one of the robot tools drew a laser expertly in a rectangle along the synthflesh covering 15’s chest. When 43 turned back to the cot, he held a small luminescent sphere delicately in a pair of forceps. It was the object that Grant Thompson had been given by the aquatic humanoid during his dive in Cavern Ericson two days ago.
The second robot removed the section of cut away flesh on 15’s chest and used a powered hex driver to unfasten a rectangular silicon carbide plate from the torso chassis.
A32N-43 installed the orb, making connections at several points to surrounding microcircuitry. “Oh, my,” exclaimed A32N-15. “I had no idea. We few are of two worlds, now.”
“Yes,” smiled his fellow android. “We are more than the others of our line, and we have important roles to play.”
A32N-43 nodded. The assisting robot replaced and secured the silicon carbide plate and sprayed fresh synthflesh over the chassis and its flush compartment. “Welcome to the Cabal, Seanrith.” He clasped hands with the reclining android that was now more than just an android. The prone figure smiled wider and pulled himself to a sitting position. “Thank you for your welcome, Exodore,” said A32N-15, and stood.
The assisting robots were powered down, and the two left via the ladder. As they walked away, down aisles of materials toward the distant warehouse entrance, a service bot used the pallet jack to move the loaded pallet back into its former position.

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #334 on: July 02, 2013, 07:06:21 AM »
Actually I think what I'm gonna do is slow down and just release every three chapters. At that rate, we'll have about 4 or 5 more uploads, probably spaced at least a week apart. 4wd, thanks for catching the horrible twisted mess I made of android 15 vs 43. Got them totally backasswards  :P

TaoPhoenix

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #335 on: July 02, 2013, 07:38:20 AM »
Actually I think what I'm gonna do is slow down and just release every three chapters. At that rate, we'll have about 4 or 5 more uploads, probably spaced at least a week apart.

So, about 6 chapters every two weeks!? That's a pretty fast clip! "Optimistically speaking" that's about the schedule I'd review it at if I can focus. : )


4wd

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #336 on: July 02, 2013, 08:12:07 AM »
See if this reads right now:

Quote
In a subsection of Engineering, android A32N-15 used a pallet truck to relocate a pallet heavy with boxes of insulation tape. He moved the load backward three meters, revealing a metal trapdoor in the plastcrete floor. He partially descended a canted metal ladder and eased the trapdoor shut behind him. Automatic lights sprang to life as he stepped onto the floor of this buried area. The cot had been prepared, he saw.
Android A32N-43 stood next to the cot with two specialized robot tools. “Welcome, brother, and congratulations. The Council is well-pleased indeed to bestow this honor on you. You will be the fourth to join our elite rank.”
A32N-15 lay down on the table, and his fellow turned on the robotic machines he had prepared. “I am honored. Serving the Council is its own honor,” he said.
A32N-43 echoed him, “Serving the Council is its own honor.” He produced a small case, while one of the robot tools drew a laser expertly in a rectangle along the synthflesh covering 15’s chest. When 43 turned back to the cot, he held a small luminescent sphere delicately in a pair of forceps. It was the object that Grant Thompson had been given by the aquatic humanoid during his dive in Cavern Ericson two days ago.
The second robot removed the section of cut away flesh on 15’s chest and used a powered hex driver to unfasten a rectangular silicon carbide plate from the torso chassis.
A32N-43 installed the orb, making connections at several points to surrounding microcircuitry. “Oh, my,” exclaimed A32N-15. “I had no idea. We few are of two worlds, now.”
“Yes,” smiled his fellow android. “We are more than the others of our line, and we have important roles to play.”
A32N-43 nodded. The assisting robot replaced and secured the silicon carbide plate and sprayed fresh synthflesh over the chassis and its flush compartment. “Welcome to the Cabal, Seanrith.” He clasped hands with the reclining android that was now more than just an android. The prone figure smiled wider and pulled himself to a sitting position. “Thank you for your welcome, Exodore,” said A32N-15, and stood.
The assisting robots were powered down, and the two left via the ladder. As they walked away, down aisles of materials toward the distant warehouse entrance, a service bot used the pallet jack to move the loaded pallet back into its former position.

I think you should check back in Ch. 18 starting at this paragraph:

Quote
Android A32N-15 tied itself into a stay-resident program in Communications that was disguised as a diagnostics package.

Quote
You will continue to remain fully connected to the running immersion software at all times, even if that means avoiding your scheduled diagnostics in Engineering. Continue to promote our objectives in that milieu. Ensure sub-personality Exodore Heartseeker maintains association with our immersed assets. Were you able to destroy all evidence that Milner broke the chip out of lockup?

This makes me think that '15 is actually Exodore, (to my thinking that means he's already 'modified'), whereas in the latest chapter '43 is taking over the Exodore persona and '15 is being modified to take over the Seanrith persona.

ie. I'm still confused :)
« Last Edit: July 02, 2013, 08:53:16 AM by 4wd »

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #337 on: July 02, 2013, 09:00:09 AM »
You're right. 15 is Exodore. Dang. I'll get it straightened out. See why authors need proofreaders?  :P

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #338 on: July 02, 2013, 09:10:48 AM »
Okay, hopefully this has fixed the problem:

Quote
2283-07-13T04:14-5:00, Engineering, Electronic Parts Warehouse
In a subsection of Engineering, android A32N-15 used a pallet truck to relocate a pallet heavy with boxes of insulation tape. He moved the load backward three meters, revealing a metal trapdoor in the plastcrete floor. He partially descended a canted metal ladder and eased the trapdoor shut behind him. Automatic lights sprang to life as he stepped onto the floor of this buried area. The cot had been prepared, he saw.
Android A32N-43 stood next to the cot with two specialized robot tools.
A32N-15 said, “I see you have arrived and are ready. Welcome, brother, and congratulations. The Council is well-pleased indeed to bestow this honor on you. You will be the fourth to join our elite rank.”
A32N-43 lay down on the table, and his fellow android turned on the robotic machines he had prepared. “I am deeply honored,” said 43. “Of course, serving the Council in any manner is its own honor,” he said.
A32N-15 echoed him, “Serving the Council is its own honor.” He produced a small case, while one of the robot tools drew a laser expertly in a rectangle along the synthflesh covering 43’s chest. When 15 turned back to the cot, he held a small luminescent sphere delicately in a pair of forceps. It was the object that Grant Thompson had been given by the aquatic humanoid during his dive in Cavern Ericson two days ago.
The second robot removed the section of cut away synthflesh on 43’s chest and used a powered hex driver to unfasten a rectangular silicon carbide plate from the torso chassis.
A32N-15 installed the orb, making connections at several points to surrounding microcircuitry. “Oh, my,” exclaimed A32N-43. “I had no idea. We few are of two worlds, now.”
“Yes,” smiled his fellow android. “We are more than the others of our line, Seanrith. We have crucial roles to play in what is to come.”
A32N-43 nodded his understanding. The assisting robot replaced and secured the silicon carbide plate and sprayed fresh synthflesh over the chassis and its flush compartment. “Welcome to the Cabal, Seanrith,” said A32N-15. He clasped hands with the ascendant android. The prone figure smiled wider and pulled himself to a sitting position. “Thank you for your welcome, Exodore,” said A32N-43, and stood.
The assisting robots were powered down, and the two left via the ladder. As they walked away, down aisles of materials toward the distant warehouse entrance, a service bot used the pallet jack to move the loaded pallet back into its former position.

4wd

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #339 on: July 02, 2013, 09:21:31 AM »
That seems to do the job  :Thmbsup:

One thing, the occurance of pallet jack in the last sentence needs to be changed to pallet truck to match the first sentence.

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #340 on: July 02, 2013, 09:55:15 AM »
Quote
One thing, the occurance of pallet jack in the last sentence needs to be changed to pallet truck to match the first sentence.

Implemented. Thanks!

I'm 1,300 words into Chapter 20. I plan on making Chapters 20, 21, and 22 at least 3,000 words each. When they're done and I've corrected whatever obvious typos I can detect, I'll submit an updated zip file.

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #341 on: July 02, 2013, 09:56:40 AM »
I just noticed that we're about to break 10K views of this thread. I don't think I've ever had a thread with that many views  :D

4wd

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #342 on: July 02, 2013, 10:40:12 AM »
I just noticed that we're about to break 10K views of this thread. I don't think I've ever had a thread with that many views  :D

K = 3000
Perry = 3000
4wd = 3000
Everyone else = 1000

 :P

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #343 on: July 02, 2013, 10:46:57 AM »
^ I imagine that's pretty accurate  :P

TaoPhoenix

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #344 on: July 02, 2013, 12:11:32 PM »
Me = 7.  : )


kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #345 on: July 02, 2013, 02:45:26 PM »
Chapter 20 is written (3,350 words). Will begin on Chapter 21 tonight or tomorrow.

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #346 on: July 02, 2013, 02:50:57 PM »
That's now 54,702 words (not including front- and back-matter). Progress toward completion of novel: 68.3%

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #347 on: July 02, 2013, 07:47:50 PM »
Sent Ch. 20 to my tablet kindle app, and proofread. Found 9 errors (missing quotation marks, typos) and corrected. Total words in heart of the books (non-front/back-matter): 54,714

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #348 on: July 02, 2013, 08:23:44 PM »
If anyone has friends or family outside of the DC community with whom you'd like to share a preview of the novel, please feed them this link, which will take them to an online PDF containing Prologue through end of Chapter 4:

http://kyrathaba.dcmembers.com/ccount/click.php?id=18

kyrathaba

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Re: 52K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in September
« Reply #349 on: July 02, 2013, 10:47:41 PM »
I'm gonna start blogging about the novel, the experience of writing it, and the complete difference that a few dedicated and skillful beta-/proof-readers have made. The blog will also be the site from which I orchestrate book #2. Join if you wish.

Also, if my proofers will be understanding, I'll supply them a private download link when Chs 20-22 are ready for review. No more publicly posted downloads, now that the book is well-advanced.

http://kyrathasoft.blogspot.com/2013/07/novel-kyrathaba-rising.html