It all started when our (former porn) star, Cody, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling abundantly stunned, Cody groped a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he realized that his beloved Gold Coins was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Mouser. Cody had known Mouser for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Mouser was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... stupid. Cody called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mouser picked up to a very sad Cody. Mouser calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually earnestly sneeze *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Cody. Why was Mouser trying to distract Cody? Because he had snuck out from Cody's with the Gold Coins only nine days prior. It was a curious little Gold Coins... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Cody got back to the subject at hand: his Gold Coins. Mouser cringed. Relunctantly, Mouser invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Gold Coins. Cody grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mouser realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Gold Coins and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Cody took the deliciously practical 4-door, he had take at least four minutes before Cody would get there. But if he took the Nest? Then Mouser would be really screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mouser was interrupted by five insensitive Penguins that were lured by his Gold Coins. Mouser yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he randomly reached for his carrot and thoughtfully attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Nest rolling up. It was Cody.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Cody was out of the Nest and went explosively jaunting toward Mouser's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mouser was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Gold Coins into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Mouser was worried but at least the Gold Coins was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mouser wildly purred. With a mighty push, Cody opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless coke fiend in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mouser assured him. Cody took a seat wonderfully far from where Mouser had hidden the Gold Coins. Mouser cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Cody was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Mouser noticed a annoying look on Cody's face. Cody slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mouser felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Cody asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Gold Coins right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Cody's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Cody nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mouser could react, Cody aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Gold Coins was plainly in view.
Cody stared at Mouser for what what must've been three microseconds. A few freaknasty minutes later, Mouser groped exotically in Cody's direction, clearly desperate. Cody grabbed the Gold Coins and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mouser let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Cody,' he rebuked. Mouser always had been a little stupid, so Cody knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mouser did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his Gold Coins tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mouser looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Cody. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Cody. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mouser walked over to the window and looked down. Cody was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Cody was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Mouser's place. Cody had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Penguins suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Gold Coins. One by one they latched on to Cody. Already weakened from his injury, Cody yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Penguins running off with his Gold Coins.
But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Cody's Gold Coins. Feeling relieved, God smote the Penguins for their injustice. Then He got in His gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV and sputtered away with the fortitude of half a million disease-carrying chipmunks running from a enormous pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Cody tripped with joy when he saw this. His Gold Coins was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show, The Office, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When 3-legged wallabies meet weapon of mass destruction'). Cody was jubilant. And so, everyone except Mouser and a few gun-toting long-haired sea monkeys lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Logged
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