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According To FBI, Internet Privacy Now Considered Suspicious
Renegade:
Ready for a laugh? We've got a black comedy for you:
http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/according-to-the-fbi-internet-privacy-is-now-considered-to-be-suspicious-activity
According to the FBI, Internet privacy is now considered to be suspicious activity. If you are out in public and you attempt to keep snoopers from peeking at your computer screen, then according to the FBI they should gather as much information about you as they can and they should report you to the authorities immediately. If this seems completely and totally ridiculous to you, then you are not alone. Millions of Americans have become deeply concerned about the constantly expanding definition of "suspicious activity" in the United States. Sadly, the federal government is now engaging in an all-out attempt to have us all spy on one another. All over America, the Department of Homeland Security is running ads promoting the "See Something, Say Something" campaign. They even had 8,000 stadium workers at the Super Bowl this year go through special training on how to spot potential terrorists. So the next time you see a hot dog vendor, keep in mind that he might also be part of a special anti-terrorism task force.
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It ONLY gets better...
FAIR WARNING - YOU WILL PISS YOUR PANTS LAUGHING - ADULT DIAPERS RECOMMENDED, OR MAKESHIFT WITH PLASTIC SHOPPING BAGS -- ALTERNATIVELY, READ THIS ON THE TOILET!
Ok, now that you're ready... let the hilarity begin! This is the short list of things that indicate that YOU could be a TERRORIST~!
"Are overly concerned about privacy, attempts to shield the screen from view of others"
"Always pay cash or use credit card(s) in different name(s)"
"Act nervous or suspicious behavior inconsistent with activities"
"Are observed switching SIM cards in cell phone or use of multiple cell phones"
"Travel illogical distance to use Internet Café"
"Evidence of a residential based internet provider (signs on to Comcast, AOL, etc.)"
"Use of anonymizers, portals, or other means to shield IP address"
"Suspicious or coded writings, use of code word sheets, cryptic ledgers, etc."
"Encryption or use of software to hide encrypted data in digital photos, etc."
"Suspicious communications using VOIP or communicating through a PC game"
"Identify license plates, vehicle description, names used, languages spoken, ethnicity, etc."
"Request specific room assignments or locations."
"Use cash for large transactions or a credit card in someone else’s name."
"Arrive with unusual amounts of luggage."
"Make unusual inquiries about local sites, including government, military, police, communications, and power facilities."
"Refuse cleaning service over an extended time."
"Use entrances and exits that avoid the lobby."
"Abandon a room and leave behind clothing and toiletry items."
"Do not leave their room."
"Change their appearance."
"Leave the property for several days and then return."
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If some of those don't sound insane to you, check the article. Many are easily dismissed by everyday activities like travel, etc.
KynloStephen66515:
They wanna go that far...wow...nice to know people with a residential internet provider are now terrorists...LOL
Lets all starting EVERYBODY for minor INFRACTION ON THIS LIST...I am pretty sure they would soon be that overwhelmed with information, they would need to ask people to stop, so they can actually get REAL...USEFUL information...like "Theres a guy with a bomb" lol
KynloStephen66515:
Also:
"Are overly concerned about privacy, attempts to shield the screen from view of others"
DO NOT READSTOP READING MY STUFF!
"Always pay cash or use credit card(s) in different name(s)"
...I often use my mrs's CC to pay for transactions...she generally has more money in her account
"Act nervous or suspicious behavior inconsistent with activities"
erm...dunno what to say...yeah...erm....im gonna go over there now!
"Are observed switching SIM cards in cell phone or use of multiple cell phones"
I have 2 cell phones, and often use other peoples o0
"Travel illogical distance to use Internet Café"
...How far is "illogical" and what if I happen to go there, because I prefer the service, or the coffee is better?
"Evidence of a residential based internet provider (signs on to Comcast, AOL, etc.)"
w00p, I have several internet connections...does this mean imma blow stuff up?
"Use of anonymizers, portals, or other means to shield IP address"
So loggins on to my VPS from a public PC so I can browse without limits or firewall restrictions makes me a terrorist?
"Suspicious or coded writings, use of code word sheets, cryptic ledgers, etc."
NNJ CD8 NE( JDM £N& NWEIN NN00023 x 2
"Encryption or use of software to hide encrypted data in digital photos, etc."
So everything must be open source, by order of the FBI!
"Suspicious communications using VOIP or communicating through a PC game"
Wow...I tell people I am going to kill them about 8 times a day in games...pretty sure im talking about GAME killing, not actual murder...but who knows *evil laugh*
"Identify license plates, vehicle description, names used, languages spoken, ethnicity, etc."
^^ lol whut?
"Request specific room assignments or locations."
I need a kingsize bed, on the top floor, with a sea view...OMG I WANNA SHOOT PEOPLEZ
"Use cash for large transactions or a credit card in someone else’s name."
Didn't I answer this already?
"Arrive with unusual amounts of luggage."
...I have a wife...what is unusual?
"Make unusual inquiries about local sites, including government, military, police, communications, and power facilities."
What is considered to be unusual? ... Can I no longer say things like "Is that big white building, the White House?"
"Refuse cleaning service over an extended time."
I will not be woken up at 7am by ANYBODY
"Use entrances and exits that avoid the lobby."
What if I dont want to use the lobby!
"Abandon a room and leave behind clothing and toiletry items."
Unlikely...what is more likely is "Leave no toiletry items cause you stole all the towels"
"Do not leave their room."
So...someones wife kicks them out...they go to hotel and spend 5 days crying, only to find the FBI kicking down the door? - Sounds like a fun week :-\
"Change their appearance."
So I can no longer change my hairstyle, clothing, or shave...or get any more tattoo's, or piercings...
"Leave the property for several days and then return."
No longer allowed to go on holiday?...Damn!
IainB:
That list is redolent of Hitler's Brownshirts, or Mao's Little Red Book. The children were even encouraged to turn in or report on their own parents.
40hz:
Do Your Part to Help Keep America Free. Obey the Law!
So...anybody else got some smartass comments they'd care to share?
:P
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