Home | Blog | Software | Reviews and Features | Forum | Help | Donate | About us
topbanner_forum
  *

avatar image

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
  • September 05, 2015, 02:50:44 AM
  • Proudly celebrating 10 years online.
  • Donate now to become a lifetime supporting member of the site and get a non-expiring license key for all of our programs.
  • donate

Last post Author Topic: Cute jokes' thread  (Read 66466 times)

tomos

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • ***
  • Posts: 9,524
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #50 on: February 21, 2011, 11:48:08 AM »
http://cynic.me/2011...d-lady-church-jokes/

Loved it - nothing offensive there though (in case anyone unsure whether to visit) .
Content uncopyable, but I presume that's intentional...
Tom

Curt

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 6,765
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
« Last Edit: February 21, 2011, 01:14:50 PM by Curt »


Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 12,787
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #53 on: February 21, 2011, 08:47:20 PM »
http://cynic.me/2011...d-lady-church-jokes/
:huh: Content seems to be unviewably (behind the "fence")


Ah... I see copying from Microsoft Office and pasting using the MS Word function in WordPress makes things unviewable in Internet Explorer. How poetic. Now I just need to know which ones are the godless heathens... :P


http://cynic.me/2011...d-lady-church-jokes/

Loved it - nothing offensive there though (in case anyone unsure whether to visit) .
Content uncopyable, but I presume that's intentional...


Nope. I didn't test in different browsers.

Fixed now. Viewable in IE, and copyable. :)
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Josh

  • Charter Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Points: -25
  • Posts: 3,368
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #54 on: February 21, 2011, 09:08:59 PM »
http://flamingzombie...ng+Zombie+Monkeys%29

Flaming Zombie Monkeys, if that isn't reason enough for you to click then...you have issues ;-)

Curt

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 6,765
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #55 on: February 24, 2011, 03:07:33 AM »
...' been there, done that ...


2011-02-17.gif


cranioscopical

  • Friend of the Site
  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 4,303
    • View Profile
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #56 on: March 08, 2011, 08:46:11 PM »
cs.jpg

Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 12,787
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #57 on: March 08, 2011, 08:49:56 PM »
(see attachment in previous post)

Bwahahahahahaha~!

I was just talking to my wife last night about Comic Sans. I MUST forward this to her!
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Deozaan

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • ***
  • Posts: 7,050
    • View Profile
    • Just for mouser.
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #58 on: April 23, 2011, 03:52:48 PM »
Typography humor:



JavaJones

  • Review 2.0 Designer
  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 2,651
    • View Profile
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #59 on: April 23, 2011, 03:54:11 PM »
Hah! That's brilliant Deo.

- Oshyan

mouser

  • First Author
  • Administrator
  • Joined in 2005
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,013
    • View Profile
    • Mouser's Software Zone on DonationCoder.com
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #60 on: April 23, 2011, 05:51:25 PM »
can someone explain why it's "typography" humour to me?

Josh

  • Charter Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Points: -25
  • Posts: 3,368
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #61 on: April 23, 2011, 05:53:03 PM »
can someone explain why it's "typography" humour to me?

+1

Edvard

  • Coding Snacks Author
  • Charter Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 2,772
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #62 on: April 23, 2011, 05:54:11 PM »
Go to your fonts folder (C:\WINDOWS\fonts) and double-click any Windows system font (Arial, ferinstance). ;)
« Last Edit: April 23, 2011, 05:55:45 PM by Edvard »

Josh

  • Charter Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Points: -25
  • Posts: 3,368
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #63 on: April 23, 2011, 06:21:29 PM »
hahahaha

Deozaan

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • ***
  • Posts: 7,050
    • View Profile
    • Just for mouser.
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #64 on: April 23, 2011, 06:28:52 PM »
Typography humor:



can someone explain why it's "typography" humour to me?

The slow black mouser doesn't get the subtle typography joke. 1234567890

« Last Edit: April 23, 2011, 06:34:47 PM by Deozaan »

mouser

  • First Author
  • Administrator
  • Joined in 2005
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,013
    • View Profile
    • Mouser's Software Zone on DonationCoder.com
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #65 on: April 23, 2011, 06:43:49 PM »
ha, now i get it  ;D

app103

  • That scary taskbar girl
  • Global Moderator
  • Joined in 2006
  • *****
  • Posts: 5,563
    • View Profile
    • App's Apps
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #66 on: April 23, 2011, 06:54:02 PM »
This would be the other typography joke.

jackdaws.jpg

Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 12,787
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #67 on: April 23, 2011, 11:03:51 PM »
A couple are getting on in their years, and are sitting out on the porch on a sunny afternoon.

The wife says to her husband, "I'm not happy. I'm getting old. My legs have varicose veins, my hair is gray, and I've got wrinkles everywhere. I started gaining weight a few years ago, and never lost any. I'm fat and my shoes even look a bit smaller now. I've not bought any nice clothes for a long time as they just don't make them in my size for older women."

The husband grunts, "Hm."

The wife says, "Well, say something nice to cheer me up!"

He responds, "Well, your eyesight is still good."
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Curt

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 6,765
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #68 on: June 15, 2011, 10:57:06 AM »
Quote from: Curt
Wondermark - Stop fighting.JPGCute jokes' thread


ever wondered what a chickenfight is about?:


chickenfight.jpg


Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 12,787
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #69 on: July 27, 2011, 06:55:36 AM »
I just got this from my mom:


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Ath

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 2,539
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #70 on: July 27, 2011, 07:30:04 AM »
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

LOL ;D ;D ;D

Does that include writing in English? :o

Curt

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 6,765
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #71 on: July 27, 2011, 07:32:24 AM »
 ;D  :D   :greenclp:  Thank you!

Fra nu af skriver jeg kun på dansk!

Curt

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 6,765
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #72 on: August 03, 2011, 02:58:45 AM »
The proper way to answer certain kind of questions:

Quote from: from Real Life

Quote from: Letter To Miriam's Advice Lines
Dear Miriam
The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual.
I hadn't gone a hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car juddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I found him in the bedroom. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for 12 years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed up in my lingerie because he couldn't find any of his own underwear.
But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he has been wearing my clothes for six months.
I told him it had to stop, or I would leave him.

He was made redundant from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasigly distant, and I don't feel I can get through to him any more. Please can you help
Mrs B., Essex

and the wonderful, proper answer:

Quote from: Answer from Miriam's Advice Lines
Dear Mrs. B.  
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults in the engine.
Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold.
If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
BitOfAdvice.jpgCute jokes' thread

NB!: Text by ABBYY Screenshot Reader.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2011, 10:12:32 AM by Curt, Reason: ABBYY »

CodeBoy

  • Participant
  • Joined in 2011
  • *
  • Posts: 8
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #73 on: August 04, 2011, 03:14:40 AM »
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of nice new shoes. 'How do they feel?' asks the sales clerk.

'Well they feel a bit tight,' replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. 'Try pulling the tongue out,' the clerk says.

'Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.

 ;D

wraith808

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 7,332
  • "In my dreams, I always do it right."
    • View Profile
    • wraith808
    • Donate to Member
Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #74 on: August 04, 2011, 01:51:56 PM »
Geek Humor!

A virus walks into a bar, and the bartender says we don't serve viruses in this bar.  The virus replaces the bartender, and says now we do.

An infectious disease walks into a bar, and the bartender says we don't serve infectious diseases in this bar.  The infectious disease replies, well, you're not a very good host.

Two bacteria walk into a bar, and the bartender says we don't serve bacteria in this bar.  The bacteria replies but we work here!  We're staph!

... getting geekier...

A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar.  The bartender replies we don't serve any superconductors in this bar.  The room temperature super conductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

... and geekier...

An infrared photon walks into a bar and asks, is it hot in here, or is it just me?

... deeper down the geek hole...

A neutrino walks into a bar, and the bartender says we don't serve neutrinos in this bar, and the neutrino replies, hey, I was just passing through...

... one last level of geek factor...

Schroedinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't!

And a bonus geek joke!

√-1 2^3 ∑ π

Spoiler
(I ate sum pie)