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I have a very hard announcement to make

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app103:
This is probably one of the hardest and most heart breaking decisions I have ever had to make, and it is not one made in haste. I have been struggling with this for a long time.

I started coding in 2003 with the intention of teaching myself a skill that would lead to a steady income large enough to live off of. Seven years have passed and I still have not accomplished this. I do not have the skills necessary to earn a living coding for someone else (aka a "real" job) nor the skills necessary to run my own software company producing shareware that people would actually be willing to buy. I am not anywhere near close to it.

It has been a difficult road for me, full of obstacles I wouldn't have had if I had started out when I was much younger, had the money for a proper education, etc. etc. etc. But I persisted, because I felt it was a dream worth pursuing, one that represented a whole lot more than I care to explain here in public.

Now, looking at where I am and how long it took to get here, I can tell you that I still won't be where I wanted to be today, in another seven years time. This has become futile and I need to stop wasting my time and start focusing my energies on something more likely to give tangible results...an income I can live on without moving to a 3rd world country. And my time is running out. My deadline is May, my daughter's 25th birthday, to have an income that will allow her to leave home and have a life of her own, without fear that her parents are going to end up homeless if she does. I need to set her free.

I don't know if or when I will be able to finish and release my NANY project, and it is likely to be the last thing I release, if I do. If by some miracle I do complete it, I will most likely release it as open source, with the intention of walking away from it.

Yes, I will be walking away from the rest of my projects, as well. As of today, they are officially abandonware.

My life has been more tears than smile lately, and I need to change that. I do not want to be burdened with supporting old poorly written software while I am trying to figure out what to do with my life.

Coding used to be fun but it's not any more. The last year or so I have found it very hard to work on anything. I am sorry, but when the sight of my IDE makes me cry, it's time to stop.

Thank you to all of you that have supported me along the way, with donations, encouraging words, help when I got stuck, etc. It was very much appreciated. You helped make a lot of great things possible for me...you changed my life in ways I can't even begin to count.

Maybe some day, once I have figured out what to do with myself I can come back to it strictly as a hobby. Then I won't be putting so much pressure on myself to accomplish so much...and maybe then I can enjoy it again.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go cry myself to sleep.

mouser:
App, I think the first thing to say is that all of us here support you in whatever you decide to do, and whatever you want to focus on.

When something you used to love is causing you so much stress and frustration, it definitely seems like the right thing to do is put it down and spend time on other things.  It's so hard for anyone to make a living this way that it can cause extreme stress to try to make it work, especially when you don't have the cut throat shark personality so often needed to make something work as a business.

Forget about your NANY project and put the IDE aside for now and focus on taking care of the other things in life that are demanding to be taken care of.. we are still going to be here for you.  You may find that your love of programming will re-kindle when it's not also wrapped up in so much other stress.  Until then focus on simplifying the distractions and stresses and concentrate on what you need to do.

And most of all thank you for making DC a better and funner place to be and bringing your warmth to the site.  I hope you can lean on us a little while you plot a new path forward.

Darwin:
I'm sorry to hear this, app, but I hope that you will find something that allows you to realize your goals and that you find fullfilling. Leaving a dream behind is difficult, and, as mouser said, I know that you can lean on the DC community and I hope that you do.

Good luck!

lanux128:
i'm sorry to hear this as well.. hopefully, the experience gained during those 7 years will prove to be valuable in your future ventures.

barney:
Dear heart, it's always painful to give up a dream.  

But, if you'll pardon a mushy paraphrase, when you let something you love go, it will come back to you ten fold.  

('Course, that sentiment ignores time frame, but it's pretty much true <chuckle />.)  

That said, please don't let a temporary hiatus in focus remove the pleasure of your company from the rest of us.

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