Home | Blog | Software | Reviews and Features | Forum | Help | Donate | About us
topbanner_forum
  *

avatar image

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
  • December 08, 2016, 08:04:50 PM
  • Proudly celebrating 10 years online.
  • Donate now to become a lifetime supporting member of the site and get a non-expiring license key for all of our programs.
  • donate

Last post Author Topic: What's your favorite LOL joke?  (Read 13648 times)

momonan

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 227
    • View Profile
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #25 on: November 06, 2009, 06:58:53 AM »


I just LOVE the way these jokes are all similar.  And how most leave me cackling out loud.  Soo good.
When you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning - Catherine Aird

40hz

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2007
  • **
  • Posts: 11,768
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #26 on: November 06, 2009, 09:53:08 AM »
How many DC Members does it take to change a light bulb?

None - there's a FARR Plugin for that!

Love it!

CleverCat

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 1,158
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #27 on: November 07, 2009, 12:41:12 AM »
Thanks 40hz!  :-*

bobzero

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2008
  • **
  • Posts: 3
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #28 on: November 07, 2009, 12:41:07 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Funny, Thanks

1101doc

  • Participant
  • Joined in 2006
  • *
  • Posts: 8
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #29 on: November 07, 2009, 03:17:55 PM »
Have you heard that CUPID is releasing a new version of their famous processor information utility that is designed for training students who know almost nothing about computers?

It is to be called   C-PUtZ.

app103

  • That scary taskbar girl
  • Global Moderator
  • Joined in 2006
  • *****
  • Posts: 5,666
    • View Profile
    • App's Apps
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #30 on: November 11, 2009, 04:52:54 AM »
Seven Degrees of blonde

Disclaimer: I am both female and blonde, and I am not offended, so don't you be.

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it
up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person
looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says,
"You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes
out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her third year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her
US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew
what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington had to make
before he crossed the Delaware."


SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her
house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at
once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9
unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer
approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out
on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

Deozaan

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • ***
  • Points: 1
  • Posts: 7,720
    • View Profile
    • The Blog of Deozaan
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #31 on: November 11, 2009, 10:33:26 PM »
A man and a woman are both asleep in bed. A loud noise in the house wakes the woman, who sits bolt upright and shrieks "Oh crap! My husband is home!" The man bolts to the window, opens it, and in his rush to get out, trips and falls into the bush below. As he is laying there on his back, injured, he says out loud, "Wait a minute, I am the husband!"

Spoiler
Which one was the guilty one?



wanderer

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 14
  • I never knew what real happiness was until I got m
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #32 on: November 27, 2009, 04:05:59 PM »
 An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
 evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

 He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for
 his new girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and
 brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said,

'No, I'd like to see some thing more special.'

 At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought
 another ring over..
'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweller said.

 The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body
 trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said,

'We'll take it.'

 The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man
 stated,
 'by cheque if thats ok. I also know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll
 write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
 I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.


 Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the old man.

 'I've been worried about the ring sale Saturday and Sunday.
The bank tells me there's no money in that account.'

 'I know,I know ' said the old man,


 'But let me tell you about my weekend!'  :P

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,......... by then, it was too late.

wanderer

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 14
  • I never knew what real happiness was until I got m
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: What's your favorite LOL joke?
« Reply #33 on: November 27, 2009, 04:08:25 PM »
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one
day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years
old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such
great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the
Bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It
protects it from the rain.'

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house,
Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who
Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a
Huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the
stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the
situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the
table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and
her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom..

'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her
over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way
right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still,
Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to
rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his
pocket...

Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,......... by then, it was too late.