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Author Topic: Here come the airport rectal exams! (NSFW)  (Read 3379 times)
zridling
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« on: September 28, 2009, 09:29:48 AM »

Why I don't fly:
http://www.boingboing.net...here-come-the-airpor.html



Uh-oh. Now that a terrorist has tried unsuccessfully to blow up a Saudi prince with a bomb shoved up his ass, the TSA is obliged to perform rectal exams on every flier for the rest of time. After all, once a jihadi failed to blow up a plane with his shoe, we all needed to start taking our shoes off. Then some knuckleheads believed they could blow up a plane with energy beverages and hair gel, so now we have to limit ourselves to 100ml of all liquids and gels, unless they're for babies or are prescription (because no mass-murderer would be so evil as to forge a doctor's note, which, as every junkie knows, cannot possibly be forged).

Now we found someone who was made to believe he could kill people with an asshole bomb, and so it follows that the TSA will have to ban -- or at least inspect -- our assholes. They're like opinions, you know, everybody's got one. Except, of course, most of us got to keep our assholes to ourselves.

Not anymore.


..........................
Oy vey.
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- zaine (on Google+)
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« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2009, 12:50:43 PM »

Quote
Lewis Page, an "improvised-device disposal operator tasked in support of the UK mainland police from 2001-2004," pointed out that this isn't much of a threat for three reasons: 1) you can't stuff a lot of explosives into a body cavity, 2) detonation is, um, problematic, and 3) the human body can stifle an explosion pretty effectively (think of someone throwing himself on a grenade to save his friends).
ROFL


but seriously, when you're dealing with someone that has no specific target & no use for an exit stratigy, I don't think there really is a right way to defend against that kind of attack. Frankly I wonder why the high population choke point that is Airport Security isn't a more likely target.
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40hz
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« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2009, 02:48:24 PM »

This might be a blessing in disguise if we think outside the box.

Consider how going to the airport could save men over 50 the cost of an annual physical provided we could get the TSA to toss in an eye test and some blood work to go along with that rectal exam...

In an era of rapidly rising health costs it's always prudent to seek out synergies and encourage government agencies to provide more for less!

 Grin

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app103
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« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2009, 03:48:10 PM »

So this is phase 1 of the government's universal healthcare plan?  huh
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f0dder
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« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2009, 04:17:09 PM »

So this is phase 1 of the government's universal healthcare plan?  huh
tongue tongue tongue tongue tongue
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- carpe noctem
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« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2009, 04:59:11 PM »

Seems like we could use a guard at the entrance to Congress with a vernier. I've heard the biggest A**holes in the country end up there.
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cranioscopical
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« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2009, 05:54:04 PM »

Bummer!  Sad
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Chris
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« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2009, 06:22:18 PM »

This might be a blessing in disguise if we think outside the box.

Consider how going to the airport could save men over 50 the cost of an annual physical provided we could get the TSA to toss in an eye test and some blood work to go along with that rectal exam...

In an era of rapidly rising health costs it's always prudent to seek out synergies and encourage government agencies to provide more for less!

 Grin


Hm... Compare (4 hour) Dr. office lobby wait with (2 hour) trip through airport security...

 - Plane Ticket is about the same price... -

My god man, you've done it! - Alert the President that we've found the answer.
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Ehtyar
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« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2009, 07:01:20 PM »

Oh god...the puns...too much...love it...

Ehtyar.
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MilesAhead
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« Reply #9 on: September 29, 2009, 07:38:06 PM »

Bummer!  Sad

Oh well, that's the end of my ldr assignations!! Way too much of a pita!!   naughty
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zridling
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« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2009, 06:04:13 AM »

This might be a blessing in disguise if we think outside the box. Consider how going to the airport could save men over 50 the cost of an annual physical provided we could get the TSA to toss in an eye test and some blood work to go along with that rectal exam....

 Grin That's what I did all day yesterday, is laugh at how many ways this could be funny. Lines from the TSA line:

— See anything?
— Damnit, I forgot my lube!
— [To TSA agent]: Wow, you're good. Got a cigarette?
— NOOOOoooo! DON'T PULL HIS FINGER!!
— That's not a bomb, that's from last night's office party.
— [To a rough TSA agent]: Hey man, you don't have to be an asshole about it!


Finally, there's only so many reactions you can have while watching them skewer Grandpa:

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- zaine (on Google+)
40hz
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« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2009, 01:07:00 PM »


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« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2009, 02:28:33 PM »

Now if they just find a few packets of cocaine they're so happy you weren't trying to blow them up that they give you your stuff back, and move you up to First Class. smiley
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