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Author Topic: The Longest Rant Ever  (Read 2921 times)

Paul Keith

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The Longest Rant Ever
« on: March 24, 2009, 08:23:49 AM »
This is old but I just came upon this yesterday.

http://bs.brokensaints.com/bs/quotes.htm

(P.S. - Yeah, I read the whole thing.)


Quote
NEWSLETTER UNSUBSCRIBES
(here’s what we force you to send us if you don’t want BS e-mails)

“Take me off this list you posers!”

"I like movies where the guy shoots stuff, and then it blows up, and then
this other guy shoots him, and then the first guy drives through a Coke
sign, and it blows up, and the car flips over in slow motion, and then the
guy gets out and pops his arm back in place, and then they fight 'cause
they're out of bullets, and the guy says something like "This is Walmart,
boy...and you just got price-checked!"

"Wow...I really like that Bush fellow.  He seems like a stand-up guy, and down-to-earth too...why just the other day, it was obvious he had spent the morning baking.  He had flour all over his nose!”

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Emails from us gettin' bringin' ya' pain? Aren't down with the sweet BS action? Do you spell 'fatty' with a "ph"? Have us bookmarked, and don't need proddings to come and bask in the brilliance? Then simply buy a gun, lock your doors, turn on Friends, check your mail for spores, and click on the snazzy link below. HOLY SNAPPIN'...it's THAT easy, lardass!!!

Tired of receiving 2 mails a month from us? Strenuous clicking of DELETE getting you down? Literacy issues from a college sports scholarship? Well don't stress...simply close your eyes, knock on wood, throw some salt over your left shoulder, and say "Cluster bombs and civilians...a match made in Heaven!", and click on the link below. Ching-a-ling!!!

If you no longer wish to receive occasional updates, thoughtful missives, and insightful rhetoric from three young creators doing something from the goodness of their hearts and the lint-traps of their wallets, then turn on the lights, stare in the mirror, lick those chapped lips and pointy yellow teeth and saw "Why even try? You know you're never gonna rock MY world, baby..." Then click on the link below! (And thanks in advance for being a self-regulating, hormone-free alternative to birth control =) )

If you no longer wish to receive chapter notification, site updates, imbalanced and utterly biased ranting, or fab baking tips from the lads, then do us all a favour and send your mummy a letter saying, "Seriously, mum...that smallpox vaccination mark you have is just so totally fandango. I can't waits until the Biggest of the Brothers goes tribal scarification on my ass!" And then click on the link below. Fight or flight, baby.

If you no longer wish to receive emails from Broken Saints - because they're sure to eat into your valuable holiday shopping time where you must maximize every last second of the frenzied retail experience in order to give praise to the fat corporate soft-drink symbol in trademarked shades of red - then by all means, click on the link below and ring up some healthy personal debt...

If your primary concern is the actual size of your 'biggie' fries, or the brand of Miss America's lipstick, or the legal top speed on the highway, or the overall gun selection at Walmart, then please...we implore you...click on the link below, exit gracefully from the mailing list, and save us the bandwidth dough. We will love you forever...and you'll still smell April fresh!

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He covered up death squads in Central America in the 1980s. In 1975, he travelled with President Ford to Indonesia, where they met with the U.S.-backed and U.S.-armed dictator, who oversaw the killing of millions during his 35-year reign. The day after he left, after giving the dicatator the 'green light', Indonesian forces invaded the independent territory of East Timor where thousands more died. As Richard Nixon's national security adviser, he helped plan the "secret" bombing of Cambodia during the Vietnam War. Hundreds of thousands of civilians were killed in this unprovoked action against a neutral state, which also led to an even more brutal and ferocious US-backed regime. This Nobel Peace Prize winner now runs a consulting company that arranges mass arms and oil transfer deals around the globe, even as he thumbs his nose at the World Courts who are considering bringing him to trial for war crimes. Who is this man? Why who else...but Henry Kissinger. That's right - the very same man that Bush has assigned to lead the 'investigation' surrounding the events of 9-11. Of course, if double-dealing and conspiratorial slaps in the face like this have no effect on you - if the fact that your appointed 'leaders' are greasing up the behinds of the general populace and you happily smile and take it - then maybe you should click on the UNSUBSCRIBE link below...'cause hey, the last thing someone like you needs is a stinging dose of truth, right? It's Christmastime, and thoughts like that might hurt your credit rating!

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zridling

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Re: The Longest Rant Ever
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2009, 08:21:18 AM »
Well, I guess he got his '2 cents' in! Wow.

J-Mac

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Re: The Longest Rant Ever
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2009, 01:33:18 PM »
Not really sure why though...

Jim

Paul - was that you?!?!  :P

Paul Keith

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Re: The Longest Rant Ever
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2009, 10:53:37 PM »
Not really sure why though...

Jim

Paul - was that you?!?!   :P

Lol no. Even that was too repetitive for me. :p

I think it was just a joke message you have to type in to unsubcribe from a newsletter somewhere. (I didn't bother paying much attention to the link)

J-Mac

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Re: The Longest Rant Ever
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2009, 11:21:02 PM »
Sounded like it was for that site - Broken Saints? It was actually a whole lot of separate unsubscribe responses. Somebody there has a warped sense of humor. I like it!

Jim

Deozaan

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Re: The Longest Rant Ever
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2009, 11:49:15 PM »
I used to receive the Broken Saints newsletter. At the end of each one was just one of these. So not only was it an incredibly wordy rant, it was probably literally the longest (chronologically) rant ever, since it happened over the course of a couple years.

Check out my recommendation for Broken Saints here.