ATTENTION: You are viewing a page formatted for mobile devices; to view the full web page, click HERE.

Main Area and Open Discussion > Living Room

silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

<< < (1034/1232) > >>

Arizona Hot:
   

Candle Smells Like New Macbook and Sells out Immediately

Bruce Springsteen signs school excuse note because he is 'The Boss'

Arizona Hot:
Email humor from our robot overlords.

Can you cry under water?
 

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
 

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?  Where's that extra penny going to?
 

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
 

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
 

What disease did cured ham actually have?
 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
 

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
 

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
 

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway..
 

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
 

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
 

 
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
 

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
 

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
 

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
 

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
 
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
 
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
 
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
 
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
 
If people evolved from apes,
Why are there still apes?
 
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
 
Is there ever a day that mattresses
Are not on sale?
 

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
 
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
 
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
 

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
 
 

Arizona Hot:
Rattlesnake ice cream has a bite.
Puffer fish ice cream is blown out of proportion.
Solipsists talk to  themselves.
I would like to get a second opinion before becoming a solipsist.
If you were dying, would you accept a brain transplant into a zombie body?
Can I turn you into a solipsist?
Would you like a solipsist's kiss?
Would you like to contribute to a solipsist's wiki?

holt:
true story - I never use that lame word 'belated' on a greeting card; instead, I just add the following byline; This card isn't late, it's super early for next year. :)

Okay, here's a film-noir joke; Why did the gentleman name his daughter 'Ginger'? Answer; Because he had an evil sister named 'Nausea', and Ginger stops Nausea.  8)

Arizona Hot:


BAD HOMBRES, ''NASTY WOMEN'' (ft. Weird Al Yankovic)

I have a YouTube parody of "I've got you, babe" featuring Cher(really), but I'm putting it in the Basement. Look there and you will find out why.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version