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silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
Renegade:
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
SpoilerNone, it's a hardware problem.
How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
SpoilerTwo. One to screw in the bulb and another to hold the penis I mean ladder.
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
SpoilerTwo. But who knows how they got in there.
How did the hipster burn his hand?
SpoilerHe changed the lightbulb before it was cool.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
SpoilerSuch number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “The Firm.”
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
SpoilerYou can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
How many divorced women does it take to change a lightbulb?
Spoiler4. 1 to change the bastard and 3 to set up a Support group
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?
SpoilerWe don't know. They are not allowed in the house.
More here. (Many NFSW ones there.)
app103:
This is not from the Onion.
Construction mishap leads to squiggly dividers on Virginia highway
Renegade:
This is not from the Onion.
Construction mishap leads to squiggly dividers on Virginia highway
(see attachment in previous post)
-app103 (August 26, 2014, 11:30 AM)
--- End quote ---
This is obvious lolbertardian sabotage! :P They hate roads!
app103:
This is not from the Onion.
Construction mishap leads to squiggly dividers on Virginia highway
(see attachment in previous post)
-app103 (August 26, 2014, 11:30 AM)
--- End quote ---
This is obvious lolbertardian sabotage! :P They hate roads!
-Renegade (August 26, 2014, 12:08 PM)
--- End quote ---
Or tape terrorists. :D
Giampy:
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