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silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
KynloStephen66515:
April wins 3 internets. This thread will be locked now that we have found a winner. Thank you all for playing!
app103:
April wins 3 internets. This thread will be locked now that we have found a winner. Thank you all for playing!
-Stephen66515 (April 19, 2013, 02:39 PM)
--- End quote ---
btw, that dog was one of my contributions, too!
IainB:
I always liked these IT Lyrics to the Beatles' songs. (I can especially resonate with "Something".)
Yesterday
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
And I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday.
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
____________________________
Eleanor Rigby
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Guru MacKenzie
Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
Isn't it fun?
Look at him working,
Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
It takes a while...
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Eleanor Rigby
Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
Feels like a jerk.
Guru MacKenzie
Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
Nothing will load.
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
____________________________
Unix Man (Nowhere Man)
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX plans
For nobody.
Knows the blocksize from du(1)
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you
And me?
UNIX Man, please listen(2)
My lpd(8 ) is missin'
UNIX Man
The wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command.
He's as wise as he can be
Uses lex and yacc and C
UNIX Man, can you help me At all?
UNIX Man, don't worry
Test with time(1), don't hurry
UNIX Man
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned.
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX plans For nobody ...
Making all his UNIX plans For nobody.
____________________________
Write in C ("Let it Be")
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.
____________________________
Something
Something in the way it fails,
Defies the algorithm's logic!
Something in the way it coredumps...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this problem somehow
Somewhere in the memory I know,
A pointer's got to be corrupted.
Stepping in the debugger will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'm too close to leave it now
You're asking me can this code go?
I don't know, I don't know...
What sequence causes it to blow?
I don't know, I don't know...
Something in the initializing code?
And all I have to do is think of it!
Something in the listing will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this tonight I vow!
IainB:
Zen and contemporary wisdom.
* A closed mouth gathers no foot.
* Accountants aren't the only ones to employ a double-entry principle.
* Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
* Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
* Buddhist monks don't need Novocaine for a root canal as they can transcend dental medication.
* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the heck alone!
* Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
* Dreaded word in the operating theatre: "Oops.".
* Dreaded words in business "Hi. I'm from Head Office (or the Government) and I'm here to help you.".
* Dreaded words in the computer-room: "Ooh, I wonder what happens if you press this button...".
* Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
* Ego is to your thinking as Hitler was to Germany.
* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much whilst your lips are moving.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
* Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
* If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of loan repayments.
* It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
* It's not democracy if it stops when someone makes fun of your hat.
* Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time before going to bed.
* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
* Never use thinners when painting a church. You'll only have to repaint and thin no more.
* No one is listening until you f#rt.
* Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
* Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
* Some of the greatest mistakes made by man were preceded with the words "I think...".
* That's right, you're doing it wrong.
* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is via his stomach, and to his wallet is via the Inland Revenue.
* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
* Two legs good; four legs bad.
* We are not all equal; a lift smells different to a midget.
* What I am telling you is a lie, believe me, it's the truth.
* You are a jerk if you don't agree with me. I am a jerk if I don't agree with you. Therefore, when we argue, we may both be jerks.
* You know that thing about being descended from apes? It's more common than you'd think.
Arizona Hot:
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Android 5.0 Key Lime Pie Rumor Roundup
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