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Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 594828 times)
mrHappy
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« Reply #525 on: July 24, 2012, 11:52:08 AM »

Schadenfreude is the correct german word.
The Danes do have our own word that covers the same : skadefryd.
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nosh
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« Reply #526 on: July 24, 2012, 01:10:41 PM »

skadefryd.

Learnt something new.  Thmbsup
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tomos
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« Reply #527 on: July 25, 2012, 06:09:21 AM »

@ Stoic Joker:
Schadenfreude (likely incorrectly written, because my German is very "rusty") is the word you are looking for.

As I understand German is the only language (brave enough) to have a word for what you just described.

here's another nice German word without an English equivalent - for what I reckon is a fairly universal experience:

Futterneidish: literally Food-envious;
where you think the other person got a bigger or better portion of food than you did. (Or maybe you're not even hungry but feel like eating just because they are, and you get vaguely envious of that...)
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Tom
Arizona Hot
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« Reply #528 on: July 25, 2012, 11:19:51 AM »

How about these words: The 10 Coolest Foreign Words The English Language Need.
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Stoic Joker
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« Reply #529 on: July 25, 2012, 11:53:30 AM »


Actually I found #1 (Desenrascanco) rather interesting considering I'm half Portuguese ... and tend to function best in chaos. One of my favorite sayings is: The only thing you can plan on is that nothing will go according to plan.

 Thmbsup
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jgpaiva
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« Reply #530 on: July 25, 2012, 12:11:07 PM »

Actually I found #1 (Desenrascanco) rather interesting considering I'm half Portuguese ... and tend to function best in chaos. One of my favorite sayings is: The only thing you can plan on is that nothing will go according to plan.
I'm Portuguese and I can tell you 100%: improvisation is NOT one of the most valued skills here, especially when it's tied to lack of organization! Also, this lack of method and organization is probably one of the causes for our country to be in financial difficulties right now, in fact tongue

[edit] I'm taking this too seriously, though. Hoping for cracked to provide some real facts is idiotic [/edit]
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Stoic Joker
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« Reply #531 on: July 25, 2012, 12:21:46 PM »

[edit] I'm taking this too seriously, though

 Thmbsup Wink
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nosh
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« Reply #532 on: July 25, 2012, 02:14:09 PM »


Nice compilation. Bakku-shan is remarkably similar to butterface. cheesy

Esprit d'escalier is a term I recall from Palahniuk's Guts [very NSFW, definitely not reading for the faint-hearted.]

I'll go through the rest of that list once I catch a few winks.

Meanwhile...

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tomos
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« Reply #533 on: July 25, 2012, 04:44:25 PM »

Esprit d'escalier is [...]

hadn't heard that one before, reminds me of Curt's signature:

Quote
Remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!
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Tom
nosh
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« Reply #534 on: July 25, 2012, 09:14:11 PM »

Ha Ha! Yes!
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Target
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« Reply #535 on: July 25, 2012, 09:57:04 PM »

Quote
Remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!
hadn't heard that one before, reminds me of Curt's signature:

that's called a retortoolate
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TaoPhoenix
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« Reply #536 on: July 26, 2012, 03:38:46 AM »

Well okay this one is SafeForWork but it's scarily Insightful humor and not Silly, but I'll stick it here.

Cracked is becoming a national treasure, surpassing even the best old Mad Magazine stuff.

http://www.cracked.com/vi...mans-secret-identity.html

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Renegade
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« Reply #537 on: July 26, 2012, 10:25:50 AM »

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Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker
Stoic Joker
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« Reply #538 on: July 26, 2012, 11:10:47 AM »

OMG [FacePalm]
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Renegade
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« Reply #539 on: July 26, 2012, 07:31:25 PM »

http://www.indianexpress....rian-man-to-death/979270/

Quote
In an extraordinary case of jealousy, a Nigerian man - husband of six - was allegedly raped to death by his five spouses as he was paying too much attention to his sixth wife in east-central Benue state.

Uroko Onoja, a wealthy businessman, was having sex with his youngest wife when the other five women attacked him with knives and sticks, demanding that he have sex with all of them at once.

 huh
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Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker
Target
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« Reply #540 on: July 26, 2012, 07:48:47 PM »

Quote
five women attacked him with knives and sticks, demanding that he have sex with all of them at once.

I hate it when that happens...
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Renegade
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« Reply #541 on: July 26, 2012, 07:57:29 PM »

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Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker
app103
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« Reply #542 on: July 26, 2012, 10:12:54 PM »

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. You see I'm a gynecologist."

At that point, the proctologist fainted.
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nosh
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« Reply #543 on: July 26, 2012, 11:13:00 PM »

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
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Renegade
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« Reply #544 on: July 27, 2012, 04:16:54 AM »

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Reminds me of the old Dave Allen at Large TV show. That was great~! tongue Grin
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Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker
TaoPhoenix
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« Reply #545 on: July 27, 2012, 06:06:44 AM »

Reminds me of my old days with a penguin book of Englishman Irishman Scotsman jokes.
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Renegade
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« Reply #546 on: July 27, 2012, 02:11:59 PM »

Oh god... You CANNOT make this shit up~!

Get ready... to piss yourself. Oh, and that only applies to the ladies here -- not the guys. Seriously...

http://www.shewee.com/

Quote
Shewee is the award winning portable urinating device for women. Shewee allows women to urinate whilst standing and without removing clothes.

Shewee and its complimentary product range are ideal products for camping, travelling, festivals, long car journeys, and any kind of outdoor pursuit where the toilet facilities are absent or less than desirable.

Shewee is easy to use, discreet, reusable, lightweight and it fits in a pocket.

Shewee is available on NHS prescription for all types of medical purposes.

Shewee is NATO approved and supplied to armed forces worldwide.





Now while the guys here may piss themselves laughing, the girls can piss themselves standing up~!

But I think the real test of the Shewee is whether or not it lets your write your name in the snow. tongue

Grin
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Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker
IainB
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« Reply #547 on: July 27, 2012, 06:44:41 PM »

Quote
The writing's on the lawn.

A computer company arranged to hold its annual Christmas corporate function for staff at an old stately home in the hills of Scotland. The owner of the stately home was a Peer in the House of Lords, who had a much younger and very attractive wife.

Amongst the personnel of the computer company was a man called Alan, who was known for his womanising ways.

The computer company's corporate function went off extremely well, with much drinking, socialising and jollity.

The next year, the computer company CEO wrote to the Peer and asked if they could hold their next Christmas function there, since the first one had been such a success and they had all had such a great time. The Peer sent a letter back saying that he'd be very happy to oblige the request under the same terms as before, but asked that the company please refrain from sending any member of their staff who was called "Alan".

Intrigued, the CEO phoned up the Peer and asked, "What was the reason for your request not to send anyone called "Alan"? There is only one member of staff by that name."

The Peer replied, "Well, in the morning after your function, written in urine in the snow on the croquet lawn were the words, 'Piss off Bertie. Yours, Alan.' - and my name is Bertie, you see."

The CEO was acutely embarrassed, "Goodness me! I didn't realise that he had done that. What a rude thing to do! I do apologise. I shall speak with him about it."

The Peer replied, "Well, you don't need to tick him off about it - I didn't want him punished. It's just that I don't want him there, exposed to any further temptation. You see, I recognised it as being in my wife's handwriting!"
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Arizona Hot
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« Reply #548 on: July 28, 2012, 04:05:18 PM »

Have you heard the joke: "What did the dyslexic atheist do after being bitten by a dog?"
If so, where was it and what was the punchline?
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IainB
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« Reply #549 on: July 29, 2012, 04:35:08 AM »

@Arizona Hot: You might have it (the words) a bit wrong. It's probably one of the many jokes about dyslexics. Here, from my database of collected jokes:
_____________________________
Did you hear about the dyslexic, atheist insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a Dog.
_____________________________
Did you hear about the dyslexic Christian? A: He used to pray to his dog each night.
_____________________________
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? A: He walks around saying, "Yo".
_____________________________
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
_____________________________
Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic?
He choked on his own vimto.
_____________________________
Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros.
_____________________________
In New York today, two dyslexic bank robbers ran into a bank shouting, "Air in the hands motherstuckers, this is a fickup!"
_____________________________
Dyslexic signwriter.
A slightly dyslexic signwriter was putting up a sign for a new shop called BRAT'S, but the sign read "PRAT'S".  The signwriter had just finished when the owner came out to check the sign.

"You can't put that there!" said the owner, appalled at the mistake.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" said the dyslexic signwriter.

"You got it wrong, you've put P...R...A...T...'S  - it should be B...R...A...T...'S !" he spelt out.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed the dyslexic signwriter in great agitation.

"What's so awful?  You only have to correct the first letter!" said the owner.

"That's not the problem, I've just come from doing a new sign for the LONDON BRICK company!"
_____________________________
Dyslexics.  Try deliberately spelling words wrongly.  This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly.
_____________________________
Psychiatric hotline. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
_____________________________
Dyslexics have more fnu.
_____________________________
« Last Edit: July 29, 2012, 05:11:14 AM by IainB » Logged
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