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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 2022350 times)

dantheman

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5425 on: November 07, 2017, 07:36 AM »
Why do women have cleaner minds than men?
They change theirs more often.

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5426 on: November 12, 2017, 08:24 PM »
What was Cookie Monster like before he joined Cookies Anonymous?

What was Cookie Monster called before that?
Spoiler
Sid

« Last Edit: November 13, 2017, 09:43 AM by Arizona Hot »

Deozaan

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5427 on: November 13, 2017, 12:16 AM »
Why do women have cleaner minds than men?
They change theirs more often.

I liked this one and have shared it with a few people already. But I modified it slightly:

"Why do men have dirtier minds than women? Because women change theirs more often."

I feel this version of it makes it more evident that it's an equal opportunity offender of both genders and not just a dig at women. :P

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5428 on: November 13, 2017, 09:39 AM »
3048 best Science Humor images.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]     What Do Chemists Call A Benzene Ring With Iron Atoms Replacing The Carbon Atoms.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

3048 best Science Humor images

What Do Chemists Call A Benzene Ring With Iron Atoms Replacing The Carbon Atoms


« Last Edit: November 13, 2017, 11:05 AM by Arizona Hot »

dantheman

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5429 on: November 13, 2017, 02:17 PM »
A pastor was busy tidying up in his private room on the second floor of the rectory of small country parish one day...
The phone rang loudly in his office on the first floor (no cell phones or portable ones in those days).
Mrs. Ouimet, the native French speaking house cleaning lady quickly ran over to answer the phone.
"Allo!"
"May i have a word with Father Bob?" -asked the caller.
"Juste un instant, he's busy, he's up on top of me!" -she replied in her best English.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2017, 01:35 PM by dantheman »

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5430 on: November 17, 2017, 09:55 PM »
The perfect shirt for geeks. And well, all busy parents, everywhere.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

The perfect shirt for geeks. And well, all busy parents, everywhere

TaoPhoenix

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5431 on: November 19, 2017, 09:52 PM »
Anyone want a career as a serial killer's victim? It pays well and is a long-term job if you have the talent for it. You get your first month's pay beforehand.

Oh I know this one!
With intense training beforehand, you can survive one of Saw's traps! (Sometimes).

TaoPhoenix

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5432 on: November 19, 2017, 09:54 PM »
Maze Images.png:
I don't get it. Is it not just some QR Code?

I felt bad about my last response. I didn't want to explain the joke for fear of ruining it, but in hindsight, I suppose the joke can't be appreciated if it can't be found. So I updated my original post so that now the QR Code is a link which should be more helpful in explaining why I found it amusing to stumble across a QR code image named "Maze Images" seemingly randomly.

Shaka, when the walls fell!

panzer

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5433 on: November 20, 2017, 05:05 AM »

IainB

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Re: silly humor - Nomination for Darwin Award - Thomas Millward.
« Reply #5434 on: November 20, 2017, 06:34 PM »
Trigger Warning! - macabre/black humour follows, with some very real and potential risk of danger from falling irony and thinking twice.

Congratulations on earning a Darwin Award nomination, and R.I.P. (6th March 2016), Thomas Millward (19) - a 1st-year Cambridge engineering student.
Commiserations on a near miss to earning a simultaneous Darwin Award nomination, to his girlfriend Daniella Mieloszyk (21) - a Cambridge human, social and political sciences student.

Theirs is a happy little tale about two bright young Cambridge undergrads cheerfully risking wrecking their brains and lives because they thought it "would be such fun", or something. He was studying engineering, it seems, but presumably neither he nor she had any proper knowledge/understanding of science - chemistry or biology - and where the cardinal rule for scientific repeatability/success is: Never run an experiment with yourself as the lab test animal.

Depressingly moronic. Airheads both. Parents' worst nightmare and saddest realisation. He earns the nomination for the Darwin Award (for cretinously and self-destructively removing himself from the gene pool) and his attractive, but apparently equally idiotic girlfriend is left with a salutary lesson for herself - and for the rest of us too - and the grim reminder that she collaboratively assisted in the creation of his death-defying (NOT) act. Bet she's grateful she didn't go the same way. It's a bad trip that ends in a fall/dive to the death rather than swimming at a sunny beach in Spain. Oh dear, what a pity, never mind.

A contact at Cambridge informs that there is a rumour (unconfirmed) that Cambridge university are asking students for suggestions for re-naming the staircase/stairwell/landing involved in memory and recognition of Tom Millward's death/achievement, or something, and some of the enthusiastic contributions so far apparently include, for example: (They'll only make sense if you read the article from the UK Telegraph News, copied in part, below.)
  • "Millward's End",
  • "Millward's Trip",
  • "Millward's Dive",
  • "Millward's Flight",
  • "Millward's Leap",
  • "Millwards' Landing",
  • "No Man's Landing",
  • "Foresight End",
  • "Navigational Error",
  • "Pilot Error",
  • "Genes End",
  • "Engineer's Folly",
  • "Oops Stairs",
  • "Flight of Fancy",
  • "Gravity Rules",
  • "Gravity Well",
  • "Well, Well, Well",
  • "Newton's Apple",
  • "Tom's Apple",
  • "Not Adam's Apple",
  • "Where's me shirt?",
  • "Where's me undies?",
  • "Who Needs Clothes?",
  • "Bad Risers",
  • "Dead Man Risers",
  • "Mind The Step",
  • "Who needs steps?",
  • "Look! I can fl...",
  • "Far Out Man",
  • "Falling Man Stairs",
  • "Dead Man Flying",
  • "Dead Man's Stairs",
  • "Dead End Stairs",
  • "Daniella's Despair",
  • "The Mieloszyk Principle",
  • "Acidic Outcome",
  • "1P LSD",
  • "Gewürztraminer Is Better",
  • "Ow! That hurt!",
  • "Descent Into Idiocy",
  • "Wheeeeeeee Stairs",
  • "Parachute Stairs",
  • "Skydivers' Stairs",
  • "Periodic Stairs".

(Looks like typical, variously clever/obscure, gruesome and callous undergraduate humour.)

Informative post below from the UK Telegraph News. Very revealing towards the end.
(Copied below sans embedded hyperlinks/images.)
Cambridge student died after taking legal high two months before it was outlawed

 Harry Yorke
20 NOVEMBER 2017 • 7:10PM
ACambridge University student died after he and his girlfriend bought a legal high from the internet months before it was outlawed, an inquest heard on Monday.

Thomas Millward, a first-year engineer, suffered an “unsurvivable” head injury after falling down several flight of steps at Girton College, Cambridge, on 6 March last year.

Mr Millward, 19, had been intoxicated on the legal-high “1P LSD” , which is a copycat version of the psychedelic drug LSD or “acid”.

He was taken to Addenbrooke’s Hospital shortly after 9.30pm, where doctors declared him brain dead.

New psychoactive substances such as 1-Propionyl-lysergic acid diethylamide, nicknamed 1P LSD, have grown in popularity in recent years due to their price and availability on the dark web.

While it was outlawed in May 2016 along with thousands of new synthetic drugs under the Psychoactive Substances Act, dozens of outlets operating outside of the UK continue to sell it online.

Cambridge student Thomas Millward
Cambridge student Thomas Millward
Giving evidence at Huntingdon Law Courts yesterday, Mr Millward’s girlfriend Daniella Mieloszyk said the pair had been “overwhelmed” by the substance and had “naively” underestimated its effects.

The 21-year-old, a human, social and political sciences student at Cambridge, added:  "[We] didn't realise what it would be like and had expectations that it would be something that was a fun and positive experience which would be interesting to have. We knew it was kind of like of a legal equivalent to LSD.”

Ms Mieloszyk said the pair had taken two tabs of the then legal substance at 3pm that afternoon and had been attempting to fall asleep in Mr Millward’s bedroom.

She added that she had woken up and walked out to the landing to find him lying at the bottom of the stairwell, next to two vending machines.

"Everything just felt quite overwhelming. The next thing I remember was waking up... regaining a sense of awareness and in the room on my own," she said.

"As soon as I opened the door I saw another student called Hamish standing at the bottom of the stairs and then when I walked forward I saw that Tom was lying next to him.

"I thought it was like a dream and I just kept saying to him we thought it was a dream. I kept thinking to Tom would just walk down the stairs and be like 'oh here I am'."

The inquest also heard that Mr Millward, a keen rugby player, had suffered a concussion in a match three days before his death, and had experienced symptoms including “dizziness”.

A toxicology report found that Mr Millward had traces of the drug in his blood five hours after taking it.

Ms Mieloszyk claimed that she had been given the drugs by a friend who had purchased them online three weeks before his death.

Police officers called to the incident found the substance in a “metallic silvery bag” in a blue pouch under Mr Millward’s bed.

Detective Constable Alice Draper told the inquest that the it had been suggested “all along” that Mr Millward had taken LSD, adding that there was no suggestion of “anything sinister” in his death.

His father, Brian Millward, said: "We suspect.. only half an hour before the air ambulance (arrived) that he went to the top floor and removed his clothes on the F Block.

"Then ran back through the other corridor below back to his room and that's when he fell."

The inquest will resume on Tuesday.

Related Topics:
 - Students
 - Legal highs
 - Huntingdon Police
 - Internet

Copied from: Cambridge student died after taking legal high two months before it was outlawed  - <http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/11/20/cambridge-student-died-taking-legal-high-two-months-outlawed/>

"Some mothers do 'ave 'em." (After the title of the BBC TV comedy series of the same name.)
« Last Edit: November 20, 2017, 06:48 PM by IainB »

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5435 on: November 23, 2017, 12:02 AM »
I lifted this from @dantheman's post:
Fight back email scams with Rescam - DonationCoder.com - <http://www.donationcoder.com/forum/index.php?topic=44583.msg414564#msg414564>


Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5436 on: November 28, 2017, 03:26 PM »
The maker of Pringles-style 'Prongles' chips is finally revealed.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

The maker of Pringles-style 'Prongles' chips is finally revealed


x16wda

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5437 on: November 30, 2017, 06:36 PM »
You know those web sites where they hit you with a Flash animation or two on every page? There's a word for that:

Spoiler
Flashulence.

vi vi vi - editor of the beast

mouser

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5438 on: December 04, 2017, 11:45 AM »
Playing Star Wars in public:


tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5439 on: December 04, 2017, 01:55 PM »
^ classic :-*
Tom

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5440 on: December 05, 2017, 12:42 PM »
I photoshopped Hermione with Steve Buscemi’s eyes.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

I photoshopped Hermione with Steve Buscemi’s eyes

The Funniest Texts Ever Sent Between Parents And Their Children. Hilarious.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

The Funniest Texts Ever Sent Between Parents And Their Children. Hilarious


Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5441 on: December 05, 2017, 12:46 PM »
Meat & potatoes sundae.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Meat & potatoes sundae

Subway's SubZero ice cream.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Subway's SubZero ice cream

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5442 on: December 07, 2017, 02:38 PM »
If at first you don't succeed...jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

If at first you don't succeed..

This is so how it seems to me, math isn't my friend.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]    Pancakes hidden in $5 bill.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Top 28 Funny Quotes



Target

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5443 on: December 12, 2017, 09:45 PM »
Two scientists walk into a bar...

"I'll have H2O" says the first...

"I'll have H2O, too" says the second...

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context...

panzer

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5444 on: December 13, 2017, 04:56 AM »
+20° - Greeks put on sweaters (if they can find them).

+15° - Hawaiians turn on the heaters (if they have them).

+10° - Americans shake, Russians are planting cucumbers.

+5° - You can see your own breathing. Italian cars don't start. Norwegians take a bath. Russians drive with lowered windows.

0° - Water freezes in America, in Russia it thickens.

-5° - French cars don't start.

-10° - You're planning a vacation to Australia.

-15° - Your cat insists to sleep in your bed. Norwegians put on sweaters.

-18° - New York landlords turn on the heaters. Russians make their last seasonal picnic.

-20° - American cars don't start. People in Alaska start wearing long-sleeves.

-25° - German cars don't start. Hawaiians are dead.

-30° - Politicians start talking about homeless people. Your cat prefers to sleep in your pajamas.

-35° - Too cold to think. Japanese cars don't start.

-40° - You're planning a 2-week hot tub bath. Swedish cars don't start.

-42° - Transportation stops in Europe. Russians eat ice cream on the street.

-45° - All Greeks are dead. Politicians really start doing something for the homeless.

-50° - Your eyelids start sticking when you blink. In Alaska, people close the window in the bathroom.

-60° - White bears start moving south.

-70° - Hell freezes.

-73° - Finnish special services evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland. Russians wear earmuff hats.

-80° - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

-114° - Ethyl alcohol is freezing. Russians are unhappy.

-273° - Absolute zero, atomic movement stops. Russians wear boots.

Stoic Joker

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5445 on: December 13, 2017, 06:46 AM »
@panzer - Thank you, I really needed a laugh this morning. I'm about to be forced into a job change and haven't even smiled in over a week ... That actually made me laugh out loud.

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5446 on: December 17, 2017, 12:15 AM »
Receivers feeling festive! silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Receivers feeling festive! 🎄❄️🎅 😂


IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! Windows 10 Facial Recognition is a bust!
« Reply #5447 on: December 22, 2017, 05:14 PM »
Brilliant!...or should that be some other word...?
(Copied below sans embedded hyperlinks/images.)
Windows 10 Facial Recognition Feature Can Be Bypassed with a Photo
By Catalin Cimpanu
December 20, 2017 04:41 AM 1
Microsoft has released updates earlier this month to patch a vulnerability in the Windows 10 Hello facial recognition system that allows an attacker to bypass the facial scan with a printed photo.

Windows Hello is a Windows 10-only feature that uses near infrared (IR) imaging to authenticate and unlock Windows devices, such as desktops, laptops, and tablets that use compatible cameras equipped with a near IR sensor.

The feature is not that widespread since not many devices with the necessary hardware, yet when present, it is often used since it's quite useful at unlocking computers without having users type in long passwords.

You can bypass Windows Hello with a low-res printed photo
In a report published yesterday, German pen-testing company SySS GmbH says it discovered that Windows Hello is vulnerable to the simplest and most common attack against facial recognition biometrics software — the doomsday scenario of using a printed photo of the device's owner.

Researchers say that by using a laser color printout of a low-resolution (340x340 pixels) photo of the device owner's face, modified to the near IR spectrum, they were able to unlock several Windows devices where Windows Hello had been previously activated.

The attack worked even if the "enhanced anti-spoofing" feature had been enabled in the Windows Hello settings panel, albeit for these attacks SySS researchers said they needed a photo of a higher resolution of 480x480 pixels (which in reality is still a low-resolution photo).

Updates are available
According to SySS researchers, Microsoft delivered updates to patch this attack only for Windows 10 branches 1703 and 1709, but not earlier 16** releases.

"SySS recommends to update to the latest revision of Windows 10 version 1709, to enable the 'enhanced anti-spoofing' feature, and to reconfigure Windows Hello Face Authentication afterwards," researchers say.

The last step of reconfiguring Windows Hello is necessary because the attack would still work even after the update and also if the user was already using the "enhanced anti-spoofing" feature before the update, as per the third proof-of-concept video released by SySS and embedded below.

BIOMETRICS FACIAL RECOGNITION MICROSOFT WINDOWS 10
____________________________________
Copied from: Windows 10 Facial Recognition Feature Can Be Bypassed with a Photo - <https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/microsoft/windows-10-facial-recognition-feature-can-be-bypassed-with-a-photo/>

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! How a Fluorescent Lamp Turns On
« Reply #5448 on: December 23, 2017, 01:00 AM »
This LiveLeak video had me larfing. The guy is very good.
How a Fluorescent Lamp Turns On


barney

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5449 on: December 23, 2017, 03:36 AM »
 :tellme: :huh: :Prolly the best noninstructonal I've seen in a mort of years  :Thmbsup:.