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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 1927800 times)

panzer

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5325 on: June 13, 2017, 02:15 PM »


Number 7: Steve Irwin
Steve Irwin was a famous wild life presenter. He died in 2006 while filming his documentary “The Crocodile Hunter: Ocean’s Deadliest”. He died when a Stingray fish bit him.

[ Invalid Attachment ]

A comment from some other site:

"Steve Irwin ... died when a Stingray fish bit him." ... "Stingrays don't bite people, but they can kill them with a bony barb they happen to have in their tails though."

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5326 on: June 15, 2017, 03:17 AM »
^^ Yers. Very droll, no? (or maybe sad).
That's not the only thing that was wrong/ignorant/silly about the article. I think I emphasised the main bits as an attempt to save people the trouble of figuring it out.
I find it hard to believe that people actually set out, in all seriousness, to write that sort of nonsense. It's unwittingly a depressing comment about the prevailing standard of education. Maybe it's just an ignorant mistake and whoever made the post associated Steve Irwin with crocodiles and thought that "sting ray" was another name for a crocodile - hence the photo of him with the the croc? Who knows? And maybe that's a lake in the background to the photo because the stingray is a freshwater creature, and the croc's mouth is being held open by the Invisible Man. Stranger things have happened at sea. Oh, wait...

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5327 on: June 17, 2017, 01:45 AM »
Viral Sign Inside Deli Asks Customers To Refrain From Discussing Mathematics.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Viral Sign Inside Deli Asks Customers To Refrain From Discussing Mathematics

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! - IT'S ALIVE!
« Reply #5328 on: June 17, 2017, 02:29 AM »
It's alive!
(Copied below sans embedded hyperlinks/images.)
Extracts from: Trump orders government to stop work on Y2K bug, 17 years later
The Trump administration announced Thursday that it would eliminate dozens of paperwork requirements for federal agencies, including an obscure rule that requires them to continue providing updates on their preparedness for a bug that many feared would afflict computers at the turn of the century.

The Pentagon will also be freed from a requirement that it file a report every time a small business vendor is paid, a task that consumed about 1,200 man-hours every year.

“We’re looking for stuff everyone agrees is a complete waste of time,” Office of Management and Budget Director Mick Mulvaney told reporters at the White House. He likened the move to the government “cleaning out our closets.”

Deregulation is a major ambition of President Trump’s agenda; he has signed more laws rolling back his predecessor’s regulations than the combined total of the three previous presidents since the process was established by the 1999 Congressional Review Act.

Seven of the more than 50 paperwork requirements the White House eliminated on Thursday dealt with the Y2K bug, according to a memo OMB released. Officials at the agency estimate the changes could save tens of thousands of man-hours across the federal government.

The agency didn’t provide an estimate of how much time is currently spent on Y2K paperwork, but Linda Springer, an OMB senior adviser, acknowledged that it isn’t a lot because those requirements are already often ignored in practice.

Mulvaney said he hopes that by publicly eliminating the rules, departments and agencies will be inspired to review their own policies and procedures to reduce inefficiencies.

“Many agencies have forgotten how to deregulate,” he said. “It’s been so long since somebody asked them to look backward.”
____________________________

Recalling what historically (and from experience) appeared to be a barely-concealed and huge money-making Y2K hoax that IT consultants pulled on the world at large in the late '90s, I found the above news report (which I at first took to be "fake news" and a joke in the style of The Onion) both mind-boggling and amusing. It's also the closest I have seen anyone in govmint coming to publicly pointing to the lack of "the Emperor's new clothes" (re Y2K), without actually saying so in words. Yet, apparently here it is, identified and discovered, a zombie process buried in some continuing obscure US government business processes.
I've encountered some pretty awful revelations of mindless ritualised time-and-money-wasting bureaucratic behaviour and mumbo-jumbo, in different organisations/countries over the years, but this one is probably up there with the the worst of them. This zombie process has apparently been left undisturbed/intact for at least 17 years too. Pretty impressive! Well done chaps!   :Thmbsup:

Probably the tip of the iceberg... (mutter, mutter)

IainB

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IB note: The song copied below is exactly as saved by me, as an external file to my Lotus Agenda database on 1998-06-24 20:36hrs, approx. 3 months before I was assigned to work as a consultant to manage the Change Mangement component of a huge Y2K project for PLDT (Philippines Long Distance Telephones) - this was the major telco and (copper wire) telecomms network operator in the Philippines.
I didn't ask for the job, but was assigned to it and could not be picky or refuse it, as I had put my hand up for work in SE Asia (good experience to put on my CV). The consultancy was getting paid approx. US$1,000/day for each of the several (including myself) senior overseas consultants who had been assigned to the project. The client (PLDT) had put out a tender for the work, as they assumed they needed the work done as an urgent risk discovery and mitigation exercise.

We duly assiduously slogged away on the project, holding action meetings to identify the Y2K and other cross-project risks and develop plans for mitigation of same, and where necessary, padding out technical reports to hundreds of pages when 20 would probably have sufficed in many cases. It was like being paid by the word.
"Our clients are paying us a great deal of good money for this work and they expect long technical reports as deliverables and as evidence that we have thoroughly covered the ground and done the work they tendered.", as our lead consultant put it, after I had politely suggested that we could consider planning for an early completion, shortening the duration of the project and the length of the reports.
Our consultancy had bid for and won the tender for this lucrative project (probably after paying the usual bribe agency marketing fee) and thus we were cynically hardly likely to be motivated to attempt to disabuse the clients of their largely false assumptions. (Who knows? They might have been right! Ha-ha.)
I promised myself that I would never allow myself to work on such a pointless, greedy and cynical exercise again.

The song below is actually quite good. It sounded quite rousing too, if a group of blokes with half-decent voices sang it together after lubricating their voiceboxes with half a dozen cans of San Miguel or Asahi Super-Dry beers. Or maybe the beer made it sound good. I forget. It was adopted as the unofficial "project song".
=================================

Works best if you sing it out loud!!!
--------------------------------------------------------
 
 Two Digits for a Date
 (to the tune of "Gilligan's Island," more or less)
            - Author Unknown
 
 Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
 Of the doom that is our fate.
 That started when programmers used
 Two digits for a date.
 Two digits for a date.
 
 Main memory was smaller then;
 Hard disks were smaller, too.
 "Four digits are extravagant,
 So let's get by with two.
 So let's get by with two."
 
 "This works through 1999,"
 The programmers did say.
 "Unless we rewrite by then
 It all will go away.
 It all will go away."
 
 But Management had not a clue:
 "It works fine now, you bet!
 A rewrite is a straight expense;
 We won't do it just yet.
 We won't do it just yet."
 
 Now when 2000 rolls around
 It all goes straight to hell,
 For zero's less than ninety-nine,
 As anyone can tell.
 As anyone can tell.
 
 The mail won't bring your pension check
 It won't be sent to you
 When you're no longer sixty-eight,
 But minus thirty-two.
 But minus thirty-two.
 
 The problems we're about to face
 Are frightening, for sure.
 And reading every line of code's
 The only certain cure.
 The only certain cure.
 
        [key change, big finish]
 There's not much time,
 There's too much code.
 (And Cobol-coders, few)
 When the century is finished with,
 We may be finished, too.
 We may be finished, too.
 

 Eight thousand years from now I hope
 That things weren't left too late,
 And people aren't then lamenting
 Four digits for a date.
 Four digits for a date.
__________________________

The Y2K bug:
Y2K bug anim.gif
« Last Edit: June 17, 2017, 06:55 AM by IainB »

Arizona Hot

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Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5331 on: June 20, 2017, 11:32 AM »
Why don't websites use chocolate-chip cookies?

Deozaan

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5332 on: June 20, 2017, 02:51 PM »
I saw this one today and it reminded me of you, Arizona Hot:

Arizona Hot.jpg

holt

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5333 on: June 20, 2017, 06:27 PM »


Mouse Trap
^^Love it.  :-*

^ha ha haa!  ;D  :Amazing! Who could have guessed?  :D

In a Bering Sea battle of killer whales vs. fishermen, the whales are winning
https://www.adn.com/alaska-news/2017/06/18/in-a-bering-sea-battle-of-killer-whales-vs-fishermen-the-orcas-are-winning/
But they're just clever animals! Why could they possibly be doing this?
Maybe it's just for the halibut.


"This is the best bad idea we have, sir. By far." (cf. 'Argo'.)
« Last Edit: June 20, 2017, 06:36 PM by holt »

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5334 on: June 21, 2017, 08:37 PM »
Smartphone.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]   Human voice on phone.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]   Funny cartoon How fights start.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Smartphone

Human voice on phone

Funny cartoon How fights start






Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5335 on: June 30, 2017, 02:06 PM »
Yes, that was an alien the police in Georgia pulled over 2.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]    Yes, that was an alien the police in Georgia pulled over.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Life-size alien doll found buckled in passenger seat of speeding car

Not quite warp speed: Speeding man had alien doll passenger

Police pull over ridiculously over-packed van.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Police pull over ridiculously over-packed van

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5336 on: July 01, 2017, 02:02 PM »
From e-mail, so no link. You probably can find it somewhere else online.

Clipboard01.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Snotty Receptionist And a male patient

I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course, I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.The waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that she was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name, and in a very loud voice, she said,
YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But I recovered  quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied:
NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.
The room erupted in applause.
DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS

holt

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5337 on: July 01, 2017, 09:42 PM »
My wife and I like to leave each other 'love notes' on the kitchen table, usually once a day, on 3x5 inch index cards, with x's, o's, hearts, and music note symbols. Here's one I wrote to her recently;
Sweetheart--,
Your land, my land, beautiful days in smile-land, Thinking of you, is all I can do, so long as I'm here in sigh-land.
...and dream of you...
Love--

We never throw them away, unless one gets accidentally spoiled by food, and so we end up with little piles of them that eventually get stacked up and sealed away in sandwich size ziplock baggies. :)
"This is the best bad idea we have, sir. By far." (cf. 'Argo'.)

mouser

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5338 on: July 02, 2017, 03:56 AM »
That is very sweet.  :-*

Arizona Hot

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Shades

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5340 on: July 05, 2017, 11:02 PM »

[ Invalid Attachment ]

Can You Spot The Hilarious Problem With This Wedding RSVP Card?

Come on, everyone knows that after the first 12 years the meat goes bad... :P

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5341 on: July 06, 2017, 03:27 PM »
20 stunning dresses made of chocolate.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

20 stunning dresses made of chocolate

Who would want a dress you have to keep in the refrigerator and can only wear for a limited amount of time? Plus, you have to worry about the other people there eating you naked. A chocolate dress is an disaster looking for a place to happen. Lady Gaga might buy one, but who else?


4wd

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5342 on: July 09, 2017, 05:37 AM »
Whilst travelling:

IMG_20170616_173506.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

The other side reads:
"Our beer is colder than your ex-girlfriends heart."

IMG_20170615_151504.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5343 on: July 13, 2017, 02:10 PM »
Imaginary (Complex) Number i Poster.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Imaginary (Complex) Number i

A giant hoax, foolish media, college football and sex (or lack thereof): the Manti Te'o story has all the elements for late night comedy gold. And Thursday night, various hosts were happy to start mining.

All across the TV dial, comedians were cracking jokes at the incredible story of the Notre Dame star with the fake girlfriend.

"In his defense, Brent Musberger said that she was really hot," Letterman cracked, referencing the ogling the college football announcer did of the Alabama quarterback's girlfriend during the National Championship game. "I feel bad for the kid, because when I was in college, stuff like that would happen. I would meet a lot of women, and they would give me imaginary phone numbers. And then one time, it was really sad, a beautiful woman actually faked her death to get out of going to the prom with me."

http://www.hollywood...terman-fallon-413605

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5344 on: July 13, 2017, 08:53 PM »
Kellyanne Conway uses flash cards, Twitter then can't help itself.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Kellyanne Conway uses flash cards, Twitter then can't help itself


IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5345 on: July 14, 2017, 12:03 AM »
I had a real LOL moment today - a real guffaw - and would like to share it in the silly humour thread, but I should first give a background to the joke, otherwise a lot of people could miss the joke itself.

Students of the history of Great Britain would be aware of the importance of the battle of the Spanish Armada:
The Spanish Armada
The spectacular but unsuccessful attempt by King Philip II of Spain to invade Elizabethan England in 1588. The Armada is for the English the classic foreign threat to their country and a powerful icon of national identity.
...
Source: http://www.britishbattles.com/the-spanish-war/the-spanish-armada/

...and of the importance of the British Overseas Territory of Gibralter: (my emphasis)
...An Anglo-Dutch force captured Gibraltar from Spain in 1704 during the War of the Spanish Succession on behalf of the Habsburg claim to the Spanish throne. The territory was subsequently ceded to Great Britain "in perpetuity" under the Treaty of Utrecht in 1713. During World War II it was an important base for the Royal Navy as it controlled the entrance and exit to the Mediterranean Sea, which is only eight miles (13 km) wide at this naval "choke point" and remains strategically important to this day with half the world's seaborne trade passing through the strait.[10][11][12] Today Gibraltar's economy is based largely on tourism, online gambling, financial services, and cargo ship refuelling services.[13][14]
The sovereignty of Gibraltar is a major point of contention in Anglo-Spanish relations as Spain asserts a claim to the territory.[14] Gibraltarians overwhelmingly rejected proposals for Spanish sovereignty in a 1967 referendum and again in 2002. Under the Gibraltar constitution of 2006, Gibraltar governs its own affairs, though some powers, such as defence and foreign relations, remain the responsibility of the British government.
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gibraltar

Students of the troubled history of Spain would be aware that the unlucky Spanish people are only relative newcomers to democracy - a hard-won prize that the Western world sometimes seems to take for granted - following an extended period under the totalitarian regime of a military dictator (Francisco Franco) who was supported by the Nazis and the Italian facista, and who wasn't averse to bombing his own civilians to oblivion if they objected to his rule:
...The bombing of Guernica (26 April 1937) was an aerial bombing of the Basque town of Guernica during the Spanish Civil War. It was carried out at the behest of Francisco Franco's nationalist government by its allies, the Nazi German Luftwaffe's Condor Legion and the Fascist Italian Aviazione Legionaria, under the code name Operation Rügen.
...
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombing_of_Guernica

This could no doubt have been in the back of the minds of the Gibraltarians when they rejected Spanish sovereignty in two referendums, electing to remain as an independent self-governing constitutional democracy and a British protectorate (rather like the Falklands).

Now the joke, from Guido Fawkes
Gibraltar Flag Flies as King of Spain Visits
tags: Guido Fawkes, Gibraltar, WAR!
WikiGuido
14_650x435_AF6B7078.png

The Gibraltar flag flies proudly on Parliament Square this morning, ahead of the King of Spain’s visit later today. He’ll be driven right under it…

¡Oh Dios mío!

(The joke is in the likely major motivation for this visit by the King of Spain - they apparently want to "forget" the Treaty of Utrecht, or maybe belatedly obtain some kind of financial restitution. He's also probably well-aware of what happened to Argentina over the Falklands crisis...)

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5346 on: July 15, 2017, 08:45 AM »
16_578x521_79F7CAB1.png

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5347 on: July 15, 2017, 11:08 AM »
Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" is popular in Arab countries also. They call it the "Ode to Oil".
Vegetarian version is "Ode to Soy".
Santa Claus' version is  "Ode to Toys".
North Vietnamese sing "Ode to Hanoi".
« Last Edit: July 16, 2017, 11:09 PM by Arizona Hot »

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #5348 on: July 16, 2017, 11:05 PM »
Mersea 08-Hallucinations.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Mersea 08-Hallucinations

George A. Romero, 'Night of the Living Dead' creator, dies at 77.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

George A. Romero, 'Night of the Living Dead' creator, dies at 77

But will he stay dead?


Arizona Hot

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