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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 1431391 times)

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4625 on: August 08, 2015, 05:52:01 PM »
Quote
Do's and Don'ts of Time Travel

So, you've finally done it. You've scraped together the millions of dollars, dozens of passports, countless vaccinations and hours and hours of anachronistic language classes. The day is at long last here, and you are ready to take that romantic little vacation – through time. Yes, time travel is everything you've been told. You will meet exotic people, doing exotic things in exotic eras. You will get to see the "Good Old Days" when they were better known as "These Wretched Times." But, before you hit the app button on your genius phone, there are a few things you should know:

Time Travel Don'ts
1.Don't shoot your grandfather. It's tempting isn't it? You've read about people who've done it on countless blogs and seen the very realistic, yet highly grainy videos, on YouTube. Shooting your biological grandfather isn't just against the law, both criminal and temporal, it is considered unacceptable behavior in just about all cultures. For now, let's put aside the thought of setting off a black hole, supernova, chain reaction, and think about this: What did your grandfather ever do to you? He produced your father or your mother, but other than that he's been a pretty decent guy. So put away the Derringer or Blunderbuss and buy the man a drink instead....

Time Travel Do's and Don'ts by Dane Bainbridge

MilesAhead

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4626 on: August 09, 2015, 07:44:01 AM »
Time Travel Do's and Don'ts by Dane Bainbridge

    Time Travel Don'ts

Don't Go Into The Past - You've done it all before

    Time Travel Dos

Go Into The Future - Stay away from the Tourist Traps(tm)


bit

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4627 on: August 09, 2015, 09:45:57 AM »
Then there was the cook who came to the doctor with an aching ear.
He looked in her ear, and identified a small piece of potato lodged painfully there.
"My dear," he said to her, "your ear is irritated."

MilesAhead

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4628 on: August 09, 2015, 10:56:50 AM »
Then there was the cook who came to the doctor with an aching ear.
He looked in her ear, and identified a small piece of potato lodged painfully there.
"My dear," he said to her, "your ear is irritated."

When she found out the doctor was a beer drinker, she said "Doc, this spud's for you!"

bit

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4629 on: August 09, 2015, 01:38:37 PM »
Then there was the cook who came to the doctor with an aching ear.
He looked in her ear, and identified a small piece of potato lodged painfully there.
"My dear," he said to her, "your ear is irritated."

When she found out the doctor was a beer drinker, she said "Doc, this spud's for you!"
Waa haha!  ;D  :up: :up: :up:

MerleOne

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4630 on: August 09, 2015, 01:50:39 PM »
Totally lost there ! Sorry...
.merle1.

tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4631 on: August 09, 2015, 02:12:23 PM »
Totally lost there ! Sorry...

I got Miles's joke** :up: but not the original...

**
- as opposed to: "this Bud's for you"

Tom

MerleOne

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4632 on: August 09, 2015, 02:25:24 PM »
Thanks !

Actually it's this one I don't get :
Then there was the cook who came to the doctor with an aching ear.
He looked in her ear, and identified a small piece of potato lodged painfully there.
"My dear," he said to her, "your ear is irritated."
.merle1.

MilesAhead

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4633 on: August 09, 2015, 04:17:28 PM »
Thanks !

Actually it's this one I don't get :
Then there was the cook who came to the doctor with an aching ear.
He looked in her ear, and identified a small piece of potato lodged painfully there.
"My dear," he said to her, "your ear is irritated."

I got the intention.  But it took a bit of digging.  ;)

bit

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4634 on: August 09, 2015, 04:33:23 PM »
^potato = 'tater'
irri-tated
ear-i-tated

MerleOne

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4635 on: August 09, 2015, 04:39:05 PM »
^potato = 'tater'
irri-tated
ear-i-tated
Thanks !!! I could have spent a century on this...
.merle1.

MilesAhead

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4636 on: August 09, 2015, 05:25:48 PM »
^potato = 'tater'
irri-tated
ear-i-tated

Ah, i didn't get the "ear" part.  Just the tated.  A better pun than I thought.   :up:

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4637 on: August 10, 2015, 02:41:26 AM »
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Deozaan

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4638 on: August 10, 2015, 11:57:09 AM »
Whoever filmed that was drunk. :P


bit

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4639 on: August 10, 2015, 04:26:29 PM »
Then there was the Mensa genius who refused to drink evaporated milk because it was condensed.

Spoiler
Mensa is a high IQ club (no I'm not a member). Densa is its symbolic opposite, and is a real club of people having fun mocking Mensa. The word 'condensed' contains 'dense' in what looks like a hypothetical 'active verb form' of 'densed', as in the nonsensical statement, "He was densed (made stupid) by Alzheimer's." So the touchy Mensa genius was irrationally reacting to the 'condensed' label because it made him feel stupid. :)

« Last Edit: August 11, 2015, 02:27:19 PM by bit »

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4640 on: August 10, 2015, 11:16:12 PM »
Then there was the Mensa genius who refused to drink evaporated milk because it was condensed.

One of the frustrating things that I've found with Mensa tests is that quite often the questions have multiple correct answers.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

barney

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4641 on: August 11, 2015, 12:43:10 AM »
One of the frustrating things that I've found with Mensa tests is that quite often the questions have multiple correct answers.
Hm-m-m ... checked out any IQ tests lately?  Like, the last two (2) decades?

MilesAhead

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4642 on: August 11, 2015, 07:02:18 AM »
One of the frustrating things that I've found with Mensa tests is that quite often the questions have multiple correct answers.
Hm-m-m ... checked out any IQ tests lately?  Like, the last two (2) decades?

Does this question have multiple correct answers also?  heh heh heh

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4643 on: August 11, 2015, 03:00:22 PM »
How not to mix technology with religion: Psalm Way to Spend Your Money
Quote
The Church of England have taken a break from pontificating about food banks to release an app that suggests a Psalm to read each morning and evening. It costs £8.99 to download…

“You cannot serve God and mammon”…
___________________________________

King James Bible: Luke 16:13 (Matthew 6:24)
Quote
No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Priceless.     :o

bit

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4644 on: August 11, 2015, 05:36:33 PM »
^I searched around for (religious) 'donation jokes' and found this:
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy," the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."
« Last Edit: August 12, 2015, 12:02:59 AM by bit »

bit

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4645 on: August 11, 2015, 11:10:27 PM »
^Never use money to measure wealth. :)
« Last Edit: August 12, 2015, 09:13:11 AM by bit »

bit

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4646 on: August 11, 2015, 11:12:18 PM »
^Some people are so poor, that all they have is money. :)
« Last Edit: August 12, 2015, 09:14:55 AM by bit »

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4647 on: August 11, 2015, 11:24:41 PM »
One of the frustrating things that I've found with Mensa tests is that quite often the questions have multiple correct answers.
Hm-m-m ... checked out any IQ tests lately?  Like, the last two (2) decades?

Well, I did probably around about 8 or 10 years ago. I found many questions simply had multiple answers.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4648 on: August 12, 2015, 04:32:28 PM »
You have 2 cows...

(Worth the click. They get continually better.)
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #4649 on: August 12, 2015, 06:57:20 PM »