How about a blog about shoplifting?
Here's one post:
*disclaimer* this MAY sound crazy, but believe me, it works.
Step 1: obtain an animal that scurries fast. Go to petco and purchase either 10 rats/10 white mice/3 ferrets OR obtain a farm pot bellies pig/hen/or boar. My aunt higgith once obtained a keckle of geese that she personally lifted from a nearby town farm.
Step 2: store animals in an inconspicuous container. Make sure it has air holes for breathing so your animals don’t die.
Step 3: drive to a store you’d like to shoplift from
Step 4: enter the store carrying your hidden animals of choice
Step 5: when no one is around, release your furry friends into the isle and watch them scurry and scamper everywhere
Step 6: immediately run to the nearest SA and tell them you saw a rodent/animal
Step 7: the SA will typically call in a special code in their walkie talkie or will have to alert their supervisors that a live animal is on the loose. Remember: the more animals scurrying free the better!
Step 8: steal all the shit you want! At this point the entire store will be trying to locate the pest and will probably not be paying attention to any cameras. Innocent shoppers may get frantic and scared of a wild boar making its way through the store and soon chaos may take over the store, inciting frenzied crowd syndrome
Step 9: while the store is chaotic, steal steal steal! Shove shit down your pants, eat a bag of chips while you’re at it, and empty the registers! Take a shit right inside the toy isle! LP won’t be paying attention
Step 10: leave! Run! Remember to only attempt this crazy tip once every five years or so. My aunt Higgith once released a bucket of rats and 3 guinea pigs into Target and she was able to get away with $4k worth of shit while the entire store was under terror
It gets crazier...
Many years ago, while I was working at a large discount store in a high crime area, we had an incompetent clerk that worked the pet department that on more than one occasion, let all the parakeets loose. They were flying all over the store, dive bombing customers, while she chased after the birds with a net.
While this was going on, one time, someone got the bright idea of shoplifting some stuff from the electronics department (my department). Little did they know that there was a guy whose sole job was to watch that department on camera, and no matter what was going on elsewhere in the store, that was still his only job.
They made it out of the electronics department with whatever they were trying to steal (I received a phone call from the camera watcher to not say anything and just let him go), only to be stopped at one of the exits by a couple of rather large off duty police officers (that were hired to work security for us) standing in his way. As soon as the guy watching the cameras saw the dude stuff merchandise down his pants, he made the radio call to our security guys, with a full description of what he looked like, then tracking him through the store on camera, while talking to the officers. The officers knew just which door he was headed for and met him there.
The moral of the story is this: Animal control is not the job of security people. Never assume that it is.