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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 1428892 times)

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3375 on: August 15, 2014, 11:19:57 AM »
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

Prov. People who are able to do something well can do that thing for a living, while people who are not able to do anything that well make a living by teaching. (Used to disparage teachers. From George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman.) Bob: I'm so discouraged. My writing teacher told me my novel is hopeless. Jane: Don't listen to her, Bob. Remember: those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
http://idioms.thefre...ho+can't,+teach

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach teachers. Those who can't teach teachers, administrate. Those who can't administrate, become guidance counselors. Those who can't teach, teach Gym. (From "School Is Hell," by Matt Groening.) Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, counsel. those who can't counsel, administrate. Those who can't administrate, enter data into the computer. Those who can't enter data into the computer, take dictation. Those who can't take dictation, alphabetize files. Those who can't alphabetize files, answer the phone. Those who can't answer the phone, fry hamburgers. Those who can't fry hamburgers, run the cash register. Those who can't run the cash register, wait on tables. Those who can't wait on tables, carry dirty dishes to the kitchen. Those who can't carry dirty dishes to the kitchen, wash the dirty dishes. Those who can't wash dirty dishes, peel potatoes. Those who can't peel potatoes, buff the floor. Those who can't buff the floor, haul out the garbage. Those who can't haul out the garbage, write poetry. Those who can't write poetry, write clever letters to the editor. Those who can't write clever letters to the editor, write angry letters to the editor. Those who can't write angry letters to the editor, spraypaint graffiti. Those who can't spraypaint graffiti, write screenplays. Those who can't write screenplays, write TV scripts. Those who can't write TV scripts, read scripts for the studios. Those who can't read scripts for the studios, act. Those who can't act, take acting classes. Those who can't take acting classes, sing. Those who can't sint, sing Rock'N'Roll. Those who can't sing Rock'N'Roll, sing it anyway. Those who can't sing it anyway, become depressed. Those who can't become depressed, get bitter. Those who can't get bitter, get confused. Those who can't get confused, stay confused. Those who stay confused, find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences. Those who find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences, _____________.

Old Teachers never die, they just lose their class.

UNDERGRADUATES SURVIVAL GUIDE....
  
  You know something isn't quite right when...
  
  You pull an all-nighter to write a paper due 8:00 the next morning only
  to have the class cancelled and the paper postponed until the
  following week.
  
  The class time for the course you have to take coincides with "General
  Hospital"
  
  You've got a 750-page book to read for English Lit... and there are no
  cliff notes available.
  
  You have an affair with your professor and you flunk anyway.
  
  The only way people can tell you're a jock is because you smell like one.
  
  You're sociology professor asks for your opinion on euthanasia and you tell
  him you've never been to China.
  
  Someone tells you that your blind date has a "great personality."
  
  Cafeteria food starts to taste good.
  
  You go home for spring vacation and your old bedroom has been converted into
  a den.
  
  Your hot new romance calls to say, "Last night was terrific," and ten minutes
  later you remember you spent the entire night alone in the library.
  
  You stick to a strict diet for two weeks and gain three pounds.
  
  You tell you counselor that all you want is a nice, good, wholesome, honest
  relationship and he starts humming, "The impossible dream."
  
  You walk into class and everyone has a blue book but you.
  
  You run into your mother at the drug store just as the pharmacist announces
  over the intercom that you birth control prescription is ready.
  
  The only 'A' you get is in a course you decided to take pass/fail.
  
  You discover that those who can't do, teach...and those who can't teach,
  teach gym.
  
  Someone sees your high school portrait and tells you it's a good picture.
  
  The girl you've been dating reminds you of someone and suddenly you
  realize it's your mother.
  
  Your new roommate's name is muffy and her favorite colors are pink and
  green.
  
  Your parents actually approve of the person you've been seeing.
  
  The cost of your books is more that your tuition.
  
  A friend cheats off your test paper and gets a better grade than you do.
  
  Your parents call you to borrow money.
  
  The one time you decide to raise your hand in class, a big, round, dark
  mark is clearly visible around the armpit.
  
  The only answer you  can think of to the "Why do you want to be a doctor"
  question on the med school application is, "I'd like to make a lot of money".
  
  Your new haircut makes you look like one of the women who work in the school
  cafeteria(and you're a guy).
  
  The surgeon general determines that dressing preppy can be hazardous to your
  health.
  
  You're in the bathroom outside the dean's office and you don't discover that
  there isn't any toilet paper until after the fact.
  
  You're pigging out at McDonalds and the numbers on the sign start to change.
  
  Your roommate writes a term paper the night before it's due and gets the  
  research assistant grant you worked your ass off for.
  
  Your mother starts to wonder why a single girl needs a double bed in her
  apartment.
  
  The doctor tells you that you're allergic to no-doz.
  
  You call to say you'll be late for the big fraternity party and realize
  nobody noticed you hadn't shown up.
  
  You stay up all night studying "Western Civilization: Volume Six", only to
  walk into class the next day and find out that the history exam is on volume
  Twenty Six!
  
  You're cute T.A. asks what you're doing Saturday Night and when you smile and
  say, "Nothing", he suggests that you stay home and study.
  
  The only thing that takes longer that reading "War and Peace" is the line at
  registration.
  
  The food in your refrigerator is older than you are.
  
  "Animal House" looks autobiographical.
  
  The bell curve works in you favor.
  
  You actually want to study.


Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.


Jokes
« Last Edit: August 15, 2014, 11:39:54 AM by Arizona Hot »

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3376 on: August 15, 2014, 08:07:50 PM »
BvDDsR3IAAA-JXZ[1].jpg

Stoic Joker

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3377 on: August 15, 2014, 09:02:44 PM »
Sadly, some people really do need to be told ^that^ kind of shit.

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3378 on: August 15, 2014, 10:51:17 PM »
Here is the result of playing about with modifying text with Project Naptha in Chrome(not exclusively).

Danger.jpg    Danger2.jpg   High voltage.jpg

Project Naptha.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Chrome Web Store - Project Naptha

« Last Edit: August 15, 2014, 11:07:58 PM by Arizona Hot »

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3379 on: August 16, 2014, 02:37:47 AM »
From a collection posted here:

http://imgur.com/gallery/hcchM

This one I found particularly funny. ;D



Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3380 on: August 16, 2014, 04:36:04 AM »
GERMAN HEALTH AND SAFETY CHIEFS BAN SANDCASTLES AT BEACHES

Pfft... cowards. Still all paranoid since D-day I suppose. :P
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3381 on: August 16, 2014, 06:03:56 AM »
What happens when non-techies discover web dev tools.

non-tech discovers web dev tools.png

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3382 on: August 16, 2014, 06:56:19 AM »
What happens when non-techies discover web dev tools.
 (see attachment in previous post)

HAHAHA! ;D

Forcing all the children! Child labour!~  :Thmbsup:
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3383 on: August 16, 2014, 06:57:35 AM »
Err... Yeah, I think this needs to be seen to be believed...



I'm not sure of the name of the band, but I think it might be "The Stockholm Singers". :P
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

mouser

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3384 on: August 16, 2014, 04:42:08 PM »
Quote
What happens when non-techies discover web dev tools.

ha!  ;D

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3385 on: August 16, 2014, 11:12:07 PM »
Donations you say?

part1.jpg
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3386 on: August 17, 2014, 08:20:17 PM »
http://www.zerohedge...ms-go-horribly-wrong

When Venn Diagrams Go Horribly Wrong



Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3387 on: August 18, 2014, 01:02:05 AM »
GERMAN HEALTH AND SAFETY CHIEFS BAN SANDCASTLES AT BEACHES
Pfft... cowards. Still all paranoid since D-day I suppose. :P
Ahahaha, very droll.

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3388 on: August 18, 2014, 01:05:41 AM »
Quote
What happens when non-techies discover web dev tools.
ha!  ;D
There could well be a lot of those comments happening now, ever since Firefox started to use the hotkey combo Ctrl+Shift+V to pop up that window...

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3389 on: August 18, 2014, 01:09:23 AM »
Quote
What happens when non-techies discover web dev tools.
ha!  ;D
There could well be a lot of those comments happening now, ever since Firefox started to use the hotkey combo Ctrl+Shift+V to pop up that window...

Ah, yeah. Anybody that fat-fingers a paste will have that happen now.  :D

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3390 on: August 18, 2014, 01:11:56 AM »
Lie-Clocks:
A man died and went to heaven.  As he stood in front of St.  Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.  He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St.  Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.  Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" (Pointing.)
"That's Mother Teresa's.  The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie in her lifetime."
"Incredible!" said the man.
St. Peter went on, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.  The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his lifetime."
The man asked "Where's [insert favourite US president's name]'s clock?"
St. Peter replied "His clock is in Jesus' office.  He's using it as a ceiling fan."

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3391 on: August 18, 2014, 01:14:33 AM »
Quote
What happens when non-techies discover web dev tools.
ha!  ;D
There could well be a lot of those comments happening now, ever since Firefox started to use the hotkey combo Ctrl+Shift+V to pop up that window...
Ah, yeah. Anybody that fat-fingers a paste will have that happen now.  :D
Yup. Eggsaggerly. Ergonomics.

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3392 on: August 18, 2014, 09:19:19 AM »
Lie-Clocks:
...
The man asked "Where's [insert favourite US president's name]'s clock?"
St. Peter replied "His clock is in Jesus' office.  He's using it as a ceiling fan."

BWAHAHAHA! That's excellent!
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Arizona Hot

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tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3394 on: August 19, 2014, 06:59:38 AM »
^nice find Arizona, some good one's there :up:

Not sure if the comment below this one was being ironic or not - either way it's brilliant:

tumblr_n9sact5xSU1qkt6yoo1_500.png
Tom

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3395 on: August 19, 2014, 11:56:46 AM »
Not sure if the comment below this one was being ironic or not - either way it's brilliant:
 (see attachment in previous post)

Reminds me of the old saying:

Celibacy is not hereditary.


Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3396 on: August 20, 2014, 08:44:28 PM »
More from the department of...



FOR THE CHILDRENZ! 8)

Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3397 on: August 20, 2014, 08:47:15 PM »


 :Thmbsup: Nice!
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Deozaan

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3398 on: August 20, 2014, 11:12:55 PM »

How does downloading something for free fund anything? :tellme: Please tell me that's photoshopped or somehow satirical.



 :Thmbsup: Nice!

Don't they know that many folks have allergies to peanuts! Shame on them! >:( :P


Stephen66515

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #3399 on: August 21, 2014, 08:28:29 PM »
More from the department of...



FOR THE CHILDRENZ! 8)



A> Dafuq?
B> Dafuq?
3> DAFUQ?