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silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

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How to uninstall McAfee antivirus - starring John McAfee? (NSFW - adult viewer discretion advised)

Hmm... :tellme:

How to uninstall McAfee antivirus - starring John McAfee? (NSFW - adult viewer discretion advised)

Hmm... :tellme:
-40hz (December 19, 2013, 12:46 PM)
--- End quote ---
holy cow...I JUST did a search for this subject literally an hour ago.  What a coincidence!

A small selection of quickies...

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore …..
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

New Book
A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies,  "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

Poor Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated
Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.

Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week.
He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels.

Sick Bastard!!

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You'd better get your hearing checked - you're supposed to turn your clock back".

Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" 
"For f.... sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"

This is one that I've seen passed around via e-mail years ago, but just thought of it today and so I went seeking it out to remember it.

I found it here:

The Angel On The Tree

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Needless to say Santa wasn't in the best mood.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to the door expecting another problem.  He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree there just to cheer Santa up.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?  Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Dairy Queen Fabio: "Yeah, a baby!"


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