Some humour and some truth...
Things we may learn as we mature. (consolidated Dec. 2007)
99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Computing: 665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast.
Computing: A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.
Computing: A printer consists of three main parts: The case, the jammed paper tray, and the blinking red light.
Computing: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Computing: All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Computing: As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Computing: At the source of every error that is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
Computing: Beta - is Latin for "still doesn't work."
Computing: Beta - software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released.
Computing: Computer analyst to programmer: You start coding. I'll go find out what they want.
Computing: Computer Science: Solving today's problems tomorrow.
Computing: Do not unpack unit before reading instructions. They're inside the sealed box.
Computing: Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Computing: Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Computing: Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says: "Click," wait for the rest of the sentence.
Computing: Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS.
Computing: Hit any user to continue.
Computing: I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Computing: If your computer says: Printer out of Paper, this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
Computing: Intel: We put the "um" in Pentium.
Computing: Life's unfair - but root password helps!
Computing: Microsoft Windows: Computing While U Wait.
Computing: My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Computing: Of course my password is the same as my pet's name. My macaw's name was Q47pY!3, but I change it every 90 days.
Computing: Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Computing: Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computing: Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Computing: Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
Computing: Standards are industry's way of codifying obsolescence.
Computing: The programmer's national anthem is "AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!"
Computing: There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Either you control your attitude or it controls you.
Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
Ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences (ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances).
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
It is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must forgive yourself.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
It's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
It's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings, and standing up for what you believe in.
It's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
It's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
It's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best of times.
No matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes/jackasses.
No matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
No matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
No matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
No matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get further in life.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
Sometimes you are sad, and no-one sees your tears; sometimes you are happy, and no-one sees your smile, but if you fart just ONE time...
The people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, whilst all the less important ones just never go away and the real pains in the ass are permanent.
There are many ways of falling and staying in love.
There is a fine line between genius and insanity.
To not to sweat the petty things, and not to pet the sweaty things.
To say "F#ck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
You can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big d#ck or huge b##bs/t#ts.
You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
You can keep going long after you can't.
You can keep puking/vomiting long after you think you're finished.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
You should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
You should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed you.
You shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more f#cked/screwed up than you realise.
You shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
Your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.