Home | Blog | Software | Reviews and Features | Forum | Help | Donate | About us
topbanner_forum
  *

avatar image

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
  • December 05, 2016, 10:37:52 AM
  • Proudly celebrating 10 years online.
  • Donate now to become a lifetime supporting member of the site and get a non-expiring license key for all of our programs.
  • donate

Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 1432324 times)

Giampy

  • Participant
  • Joined in 2009
  • *
  • Posts: 428
    • View Profile
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2125 on: September 09, 2013, 03:17:58 PM »
http://www.dailymail...d-Mediterranean.html

That's why in the last days seagulls in that zone are so euphoric...
"A refrigerator without beer is like a body without soul"
« Last Edit: September 09, 2013, 03:26:53 PM by Giampy »

IainB

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2008
  • **
  • Posts: 6,137
  • Slartibartfarst
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2126 on: September 09, 2013, 09:43:43 PM »
This is not a political joke...

Dihydrogen monoxide complaint.jpg

...it's a joke about solvent abuse...

IainB

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2008
  • **
  • Posts: 6,137
  • Slartibartfarst
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2127 on: September 09, 2013, 09:56:35 PM »
Lady-boy Priceless.jpg

Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 13,220
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2128 on: September 11, 2013, 01:48:47 AM »
First, there was Cock Puncher...

cock-punch.jpg

Then, there was Cock Muncher!

http://www.theguardi...anthony-watts-banned

Quote
Penis bite lands Anthony Watts eight-match ban, say reports
• Incident occurred during local rugby league final
• Latest in series of incidents for former NRL star

Ex-NRL player Anthony Watts has reportedly been handed an eight-match ban for biting an opponent's penis during a local rugby league final on the Gold Coast.

...

Video footage of the incident shows the Jets player reeling away in pain after clashing with Watts near the goal line.

He then quickly pulled down his shorts to show the damage to a referee who immediately placed Watts on report.

 :o Seriously?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA~! ;D

Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

jamiesheerin

  • Participant
  • Joined in 2013
  • *
  • Posts: 3
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2129 on: September 11, 2013, 02:47:08 AM »
 :-[ looking for some read 1024 stuff

kyrathaba

  • N.A.N.Y. Organizer
  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 3,120
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2130 on: September 11, 2013, 09:23:06 AM »
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

kyrathaba

  • N.A.N.Y. Organizer
  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 3,120
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2131 on: September 11, 2013, 09:23:52 AM »
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

kyrathaba

  • N.A.N.Y. Organizer
  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 3,120
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2132 on: September 11, 2013, 09:24:44 AM »
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 13,220
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2133 on: September 11, 2013, 09:34:04 AM »
^ Those were excellent!  :Thmbsup: ;D
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

kyrathaba

  • N.A.N.Y. Organizer
  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 3,120
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2134 on: September 11, 2013, 09:40:03 AM »
Gotta love engineers :)

Stoic Joker

  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2008
  • **
  • Posts: 6,294
    • View Profile
    • www.StoicJoker.com
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2135 on: September 11, 2013, 11:10:22 AM »
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

app103

  • That scary taskbar girl
  • Global Moderator
  • Joined in 2006
  • *****
  • Posts: 5,666
    • View Profile
    • App's Apps
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2136 on: September 11, 2013, 03:11:51 PM »
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

Stoic Joker

  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2008
  • **
  • Posts: 6,294
    • View Profile
    • www.StoicJoker.com
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2137 on: September 11, 2013, 03:59:43 PM »
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

Which asserts that the serving size is correct, and that the seemingly extra rim space is simply a requirement of/for safe yet rapid transport.

Hm... I like it! :Thmbsup:

app103

  • That scary taskbar girl
  • Global Moderator
  • Joined in 2006
  • *****
  • Posts: 5,666
    • View Profile
    • App's Apps
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2138 on: September 11, 2013, 05:06:02 PM »
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

Which asserts that the serving size is correct, and that the seemingly extra rim space is simply a requirement of/for safe yet rapid transport.

Hm... I like it! :Thmbsup:

It's just my recognition of the half a glass of air that everyone else ignores.  ;)

Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 13,220
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2139 on: September 11, 2013, 06:08:29 PM »
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

Which asserts that the serving size is correct, and that the seemingly extra rim space is simply a requirement of/for safe yet rapid transport.

Hm... I like it! :Thmbsup:

It's just my recognition of the half a glass of air that everyone else ignores.  ;)

Which can only mean that there's room for another bottle of wine!

GLAS-9784-2.jpg

Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

IainB

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2008
  • **
  • Posts: 6,137
  • Slartibartfarst
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2140 on: September 12, 2013, 12:30:53 AM »
Found this letter to the editor copied on tallbloke's blog. Brilliant.
(OCR'd using MS OneNote.)

Short guide to the Middle East (original).jpgA short guide to
the Middle East

From Mr KN A1-Sabah.
   Sir, Iran is backing Assad. Gulf
states are against Assad!
   Assad is against Muslim
Brotherhood. Muslim Brotherhood
and Obama are against General Sisi.
   But Gulf states are pro-Sisi! Which
means they are against Muslim
Brotherhood!
   Iran is pro-Hamas, but Hamas is
backing Muslim Brotherhood!
   Obama is backing Muslim
Brotherhood, yet Hamas is against
the US!
   Gulf states are pro-US. But Turkey
is with Gulf states against Assad; yet
Turkey is pro-Muslim Brotherhood
against General Sisi. And General
Sisi is being backed by the Gulf
states!
   Welcome to the Middle East and
have a nice day.
KN A1-Sabah,
London EC4, UK

Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 13,220
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2141 on: September 12, 2013, 03:42:54 AM »
^^ Heheehe! Say wut? Would be interesting to see that done as a kind of flow chart.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Stoic Joker

  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2008
  • **
  • Posts: 6,294
    • View Profile
    • www.StoicJoker.com
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2142 on: September 12, 2013, 06:58:13 AM »
Would be interesting to see that done as a kind of flow chart.

Just google circle jerk ... I'm pretty sure it's the same thing.


It's been said that the best way to avoid getting raped in prison is to sit down and keep your mouth shut. The US really should take that advice to heart me thinks.

kyrathaba

  • N.A.N.Y. Organizer
  • Honorary Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 3,120
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2143 on: September 12, 2013, 10:32:44 AM »
Quote
The US really should take that advice to heart me thinks.

+1

Shades

  • Member
  • Joined in 2006
  • **
  • Posts: 2,098
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2144 on: September 12, 2013, 09:36:55 PM »
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't
have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to
the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!

Arizona Hot

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2007
  • **
  • Posts: 1,792
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2145 on: September 12, 2013, 10:38:38 PM »
When NASA launched their LADEE probe to the moon they also launched a frog, but don't know where it went.

LADEE frog launch.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

LADEE frog launch

That's one small launch for NASA, one giant leap for a frog.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2013, 11:00:32 PM by Arizona Hot »

mouser

  • First Author
  • Administrator
  • Joined in 2005
  • *****
  • Posts: 36,406
    • View Profile
    • Mouser's Software Zone on DonationCoder.com
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2146 on: September 13, 2013, 01:11:23 AM »
Quote
they also launched a frog, but don't know where it went.

i think it's safe to assume he went to the great froggy heaven in the sky.

Renegade

  • Charter Member
  • Joined in 2005
  • ***
  • Posts: 13,220
  • Tell me something you don't know...
    • View Profile
    • Renegade Minds
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2147 on: September 13, 2013, 02:46:00 AM »
Quote
they also launched a frog, but don't know where it went.

i think it's safe to assume he went to the great froggy heaven in the sky.

That's a very nice way to say he croaked. :P
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

app103

  • That scary taskbar girl
  • Global Moderator
  • Joined in 2006
  • *****
  • Posts: 5,666
    • View Profile
    • App's Apps
    • Read more about this member.
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2148 on: September 13, 2013, 12:48:30 PM »
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.

"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".

"Then show me", replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".

"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".

"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.

"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Arizona Hot

  • Supporting Member
  • Joined in 2007
  • **
  • Posts: 1,792
    • View Profile
    • Donate to Member
Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2149 on: September 13, 2013, 05:23:10 PM »
Nobody has done a  Friday the 13th post yet, even though it's 2013, so I will.  Who knows, someone may get sucked into their monitor a la "Poltergeist" yet today.  
                                                  Friday the 13th.jpgsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

poltergeist.jpg

Friday the 13th