Bush and Cheney in the restaurant.
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
An attractive waitress was on duty and she asked Cheney what he would like, and he replied, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.".
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?", asked the waitress.
George W. Looked up from his menu, gave her his trademark wink and slight grin and replied, "How about a quickie this morning?"
The waitress was shocked.
"Why, Mr. President!" she exclaimed, "How rude! You're acting like President Clinton!", and she stormed off.
George W. looked puzzled at this, and then Cheney leaned across the table and said in a quiet voice, "It's pronounced 'quiche' ".
Those missing votes.
When Obama was moving into the White House, he discovered a screwed-up piece of paper in one of his desk drawers. He carefully uncrumpled it and read it:
To: Al Gore
From: George Bush
Al, we've found more votes. You won.
When can you start?
George The Would-be King Bush.
When George Bush met The Queen, he said in a conspiratorial tone of voice, "You know, as I'm now the President of the United States, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."
The Queen replied "I'm sorry Mr Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge, and you're not a King."
Bush thought a while and then said "How about a Principality then?"
To which the Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and You're not a Prince, Mr Bush."
Bush thought long and hard and came up with "Well, how about an Empire then?"
The Queen, getting a little annoyed by now, replied "Sorry again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."
Before George Bush could utter another word, the Queen said tartly "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."
Bush and the Israeli Mossad.
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama bin Laden is still alive.", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting - to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H.
Bush was baffled, so he emailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides hadn't got a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6.
Eventually they emailed it to the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help, and within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with the reply: "Tell the President he's holding the note upside down."
In the barber's shop.
George Bush and Clinton somehow ended up at the same barber's shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their haircuts, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave, but Clinton was quick to stop him, saying " No thanks. Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you, Sir?"
Bush replied "Go ahead. Laura doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like anyway."