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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 1431398 times)

jgpaiva

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1275 on: February 20, 2013, 01:25:09 PM »
Really funny, fenix!

I love the switch..case construct in british english:

what_about (£variable) {
    perhaps £possibility:
        //Code here
        splendid;
    perhaps £other_possibility:
        //Code here
        splendid;
    on_the_off_chance:
        //Code here
        splendid;
}

I don't know why, but the "splendid" clause got me laughing out loud at the workplace!

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1276 on: February 21, 2013, 04:38:20 AM »
I was reading this report on a blog about taking photos aboard airplanes (FCC regs. forbid it now, it seems), and someone in the comments had posted an amusing pic from a Delta flight:
(Thrown Off a United Airlines Flight for Taking Pictures!)

Airflight - Delta airlines - internet switch must be on.jpg

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1277 on: February 21, 2013, 05:25:35 AM »
I was reading this report on a blog about taking photos aboard airplanes (FCC regs. forbid it now, it seems), and someone in the comments had posted an amusing pic from a Delta flight:
(Thrown Off a United Airlines Flight for Taking Pictures!)
 (see attachment in previous post)

I want that sticker!  ;D

TaoPhoenix

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1278 on: February 21, 2013, 09:13:25 AM »
I was reading this report on a blog about taking photos aboard airplanes (FCC regs. forbid it now, it seems)...

(Thrown Off a United Airlines Flight for Taking Pictures!)

Though on a grim note, that blog post is pretty ugly because if they couldn't even notice that it was a million miler they were doing that to, then you can be sure they are doing it elsewhere too.

Edit:
Further down in the comments of that blog is quite a mix. A quarter of them are saying "these are the sad times we are in now, just take it", and are remarking that "hot words" are enough to freak out the staff.

I like this comment:
"Do we really think a terrorist would be dumb enough these days to say, "I'm a terrorist", or, "I'm not a terrorist"? Seems like if someone was plotting something they wouldn't want to draw more attention to themselves."
« Last Edit: February 21, 2013, 09:28:37 AM by TaoPhoenix »

4wd

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1279 on: February 21, 2013, 10:03:27 AM »
***** Ignore, I stupid  :-[
« Last Edit: February 22, 2013, 04:27:56 PM by 4wd »

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1280 on: February 23, 2013, 04:11:58 AM »
Amazingly similar newsbytes: You Don't Need Us to Tell You that Gas Prices Are On the Rise - but we're gonna' tell you anyway!




Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1281 on: February 23, 2013, 05:03:40 AM »
Amazingly similar newsbytes: You Don't Need Us to Tell You that Gas Prices Are On the Rise - but we're gonna' tell you anyway!



That was funny! :) And, a perfect topic for the basement~! ;D
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1282 on: February 23, 2013, 09:55:13 AM »
For those of my friends and family across the pond who have been caught up in the horse meat scandal..

 (These were generated in Britain after DNA tests indicated that “beef” products in the Tesco supermarkets contained a lot of horse meat.)

 “I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse....." I guess Tesco just listened.

 Anyone want a burger from Tesco? yay or neigh?

 Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.

 Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had a
 £5 each way

 Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night....I still have a
 bit between my teeth.

 A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers
 from Tesco; her condition is said to be stable.

 Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.

 "I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer...AND THEY'RE OFF".

 Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers
 confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.

 Said to the missus these Tesco burgers given me terrible trots.

 To beef or not to beef. That is equestrian.

 A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?' Cow says
 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!'

 I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.

 These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a
 dead.. agggghhh NO! NO NO NO!
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1283 on: February 23, 2013, 11:11:46 AM »
 ;D very good Ren lol
Tom

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1284 on: February 23, 2013, 11:31:02 AM »
Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.

Am I the only one that immediately thought of this;D

Tinman57

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1285 on: February 23, 2013, 06:15:28 PM »
  Got this little tidbit out of the local paper about the STAAR exams of Texas;

Quote
Several bills so far seek to at least scrap a requirement that high students scores on STAAR count toward 15% of thir final grades in core classes.

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1286 on: February 23, 2013, 07:14:47 PM »
@Renegade: Great set of horsemeat jokes. Good English humour. (I never did understand the British public's apparent aversion to eating horsemeat. The French have been eating it for ever, and it always tasted fine to me.)

@app103: I liked the Unicorn link. Thanks. Have passed it on to some known unicorn lovers.

@Tinman57: Sorry to be so ignorant, but could you explain that joke to me about the STAAR exams? Or is it the grammatical mistake of "high students"?

IainB

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IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1288 on: February 23, 2013, 07:23:24 PM »
I see the new Pope has been chosen:

Pope Berlusconi I.JPG

Tinman57

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1289 on: February 23, 2013, 07:46:58 PM »
@Tinman57: Sorry to be so ignorant, but could you explain that joke to me about the STAAR exams? Or is it the grammatical mistake of "high students"?

  Yep, that's why I highlighted it.....

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1290 on: February 23, 2013, 07:51:15 PM »
Quebec’s language watchdog "fails" a restaurant for having some wall art containing English words: (not a made-up "The Onion" joke, apparently)
Quote
Following ‘pastagate’, famous Montreal restaurant goes public about its own language police run-in
from National Post - Top Stories by Canadian Press

MONTREAL — One of Canada’s most famous restaurants has come forward with its own tale of troubles with Quebec’s language watchdog, days after a flap over the word pasta made international headlines.

Montreal’s Joe Beef, which has been featured on international cooking shows and has a best-selling book, is the latest restaurant to complain about the Office quebecois de la langue francaise.

This time it apparently came down to some wall art containing English words.

Owner David McMillan said inspectors took issue with a memento from a Prince Edward Island beach that says “exit” and an antique sign above the staff bathroom that says “please leave this gate closed.”

They thought another item, an old sign from a Tennessee butcher, was part of the restaurant’s menu, he said.

McMillan said he was shocked by the lack of understanding of the inspectors, who were young and seemed like “deer in headlights.”

He said the visit left a sour taste, but added he has no plans to move his celebrated restaurant elsewhere any time soon.

“I love Quebec… but it’s not getting any easier,” McMillan, who is completely bilingual, said in an interview Saturday.

“My wife is French, my business partner is French, my children go to French school, but I just get so sad and depressed and wonder, what’s wrong with these people?”
_____________________
Further down on the same page:
Quote
Under the Parti Quebecois government, the OQLF has received a 6% budget increase this year, to $24.7 million, in an effort to protect the French language.

Looks like Fascistic bureaucracy. Rather like single-species farming - all the others must be expunged and sod the need for PC ethnic diversity.

C'est idiot.

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1291 on: February 23, 2013, 08:21:41 PM »
Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.

Am I the only one that immediately thought of this;D
You know that if a guy eats too much unicorn, it gives him a sex change. Just a friendly warning. If you want, I'll try to find some pictures of people this has happened to.

TaoPhoenix

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1292 on: February 23, 2013, 10:54:38 PM »
Am I the only one that immediately thought of this?  ;D

Minus one point to them for calling it 14 ounces in the ad copy and 5.5 ounces on the can.

Fred Nerd

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1293 on: February 24, 2013, 03:35:38 AM »
A Salute to Rodney Dangerfield

A 21-joke salute to comedian Rodney (who died in 2004 at age 82) -- his best one-liners.

---

1. I was so poor growing up! If I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

5. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breastfed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly, my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly, my mother had morning sickness after I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly, I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -- three of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy -- for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1294 on: February 24, 2013, 03:14:01 PM »
@Fred Nerd: I had a very interesting (to me) reaction to some of those jokes you listed by Rodney Dangerfield. I like lots of jokes, but I find some of those that you quoted to be strangely disquieting/distasteful. I don't like them nor do I find them funny, though I think I can see why they might seem funny to others. Some of them are quite clever too.

When I tried to analyse this dislike, I saw that it's the ones where he makes fun of his own (suggested or real) ugliness, or of his family's dislike/hatred of him. It seems to be a negative focus on "affliction" and on "family", and I don't enjoy negative jokes about people's afflictions or their families - where the butt of the joke is the afflicted/unloved one.

For example, there was a rather clever joke in similar vein by Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise. It went something like this:
Quote
Eric:   I got home early yesterday and found a blind man upstairs in bed with my wife making love to her.
Ernie: Goodness! What did you do?
Eric:   I killed his dog and broke his stick.

I didn't find that at all funny (the butt of his joke being his wife, you see), yet I loved most of their humour - for example:
Quote
Eric and Ernie were sitting in deckchairs, chatting about the weather.
Eric: I woke up this morning and thought it looked nice out...[pause]...so I left it out.

Edvard

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1295 on: February 24, 2013, 03:33:27 PM »
Yes, his humor was disquieting because it was so self-deprecating, but that was his whole schtick; summed up in his famous tagline "I don't get no respect".  It's funny because we all have some degree of insecurity, and in some smaller or larger way can then sympathize; thus it becomes cathartic to laugh at those small insecurities brought larger than reality via the guise of absurd theater.

... or something like that.   :-[

Tinman57

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1296 on: February 24, 2013, 04:49:52 PM »
Yes, his humor was disquieting because it was so self-deprecating, but that was his whole schtick; summed up in his famous tagline "I don't get no respect".  It's funny because we all have some degree of insecurity, and in some smaller or larger way can then sympathize; thus it becomes cathartic to laugh at those small insecurities brought larger than reality via the guise of absurd theater.

... or something like that.   :-[

  That's pretty much it, that was "his thang".  He was also jewish and made quite a few jewish jokes in his career.  Growing up, Rodney was one of my favorite comedians, never missed a comedy special he starred in.  In Caddyshack, he was hilarious while playing the same self-depreciating part, he was a genius at it.  He was a truly great comedian and actor and will be sorely missed by many.  Rest in peace Rodney.

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1297 on: February 25, 2013, 09:01:23 AM »
Yes, his humor was disquieting because it was so self-deprecating, but that was his whole schtick; summed up in his famous tagline "I don't get no respect".  It's funny because we all have some degree of insecurity, and in some smaller or larger way can then sympathize; thus it becomes cathartic to laugh at those small insecurities brought larger than reality via the guise of absurd theater.

... or something like that.   :-[

Can't forget his adventure in rap music...


tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1298 on: February 25, 2013, 10:06:53 AM »
Yes, his humor was disquieting because it was so self-deprecating, but that was his whole schtick; summed up in his famous tagline "I don't get no respect".  It's funny because we all have some degree of insecurity, and in some smaller or larger way can then sympathize; thus it becomes cathartic to laugh at those small insecurities brought larger than reality via the guise of absurd theater.

... or something like that.   :-[

Can't forget his adventure in rap music...

http://www.youtube.c.../watch?v=FLGxWPtgodo

"I got a kidney shaped pool with a stone in it"  lol ;D
Tom

Tinman57

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1299 on: February 25, 2013, 06:53:42 PM »
Can't forget his adventure in rap music...

  Wow, I had forgot all about that!  I must have seen it 50 times. lol