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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 1429300 times)

Tinman57

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1200 on: January 31, 2013, 09:17:57 PM »
  An educational broadcast about the "F" word.....
 (see attachment in previous post)

 That sounds scarily realistic ... but it can't be a legit broadcast can it?  :o

 No, not a real broadcast.  I can't remember where I got it, but it's a joke.  Pretty good one too.   :D



Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1201 on: February 01, 2013, 07:07:41 AM »
Here it is again on YouTube for anyone that can't play it:



Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1202 on: February 01, 2013, 08:34:51 AM »
Welcome to Tesco, where 8% more beef means 8% less horse! :P

Screenshot - 2_2_2013 , 1_32_21 AM.png

http://www.dailymail...t.html#ixzz2JbGCeq6F

It don't get funnier than real life~! ;D :P

Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Stoic Joker

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1203 on: February 01, 2013, 11:30:55 AM »
http://www.donationc....msg316624#msg316624]see attachment in previous post[/url])[/i]
http://www.dailymail...t.html#ixzz2JbGCeq6F

It don't get funnier than real life~!

Well what-da-ya-expect for a damn dollar ... Friggin lucky it didn't contain roadkill.

Giampy

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1204 on: February 01, 2013, 02:46:58 PM »
Men, wait a minute before to have full faith in women:

Spoiler
Microfono.jpg

"A refrigerator without beer is like a body without soul"

tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1205 on: February 01, 2013, 05:23:37 PM »
^no worries Tinman
I really enjoyed it :)
(watched Ren's video) hadnt heard it before
Tom

TaoPhoenix

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1206 on: February 01, 2013, 07:18:57 PM »
Welcome to Tesco, where 8% more beef means 8% less horse! :P
...
It don't get funnier than real life~! ;D :P

When I spent a year in Michigan, I once joked that they were using "Michigan Marketing". I saw a sign that proudly proclaimed: "One - 99 cents. Two for $2!!"

Wait for it ...  :P


4wd

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1207 on: February 01, 2013, 07:41:40 PM »
Well what-da-ya-expect for a damn dollar ... Friggin lucky it didn't contain roadkill.

I'd take it over pink slime anyday  :P

As for including roadkill....not a problem;D

tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1208 on: February 02, 2013, 04:41:24 AM »
:-\ I've tried three different players and cant get that to play (Trout/WMP/VLC). Tried downloading in a different browser too in case.
It's only 157kb, could that be correct? (Edit/ yes seems to be correct)


Heh were you saying a particular word after trying all that?  :Thmbsup:

like golly or gosh...
or maybe it was gee whiz ;) :D
Tom

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1209 on: February 02, 2013, 06:53:45 AM »
22.  Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

This one actually has a logical answer:

For the blind guy that took a taxi to the bank.  :D

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1210 on: February 02, 2013, 06:25:32 PM »
FAIL - Chat gone bad.jpg

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1211 on: February 02, 2013, 06:30:04 PM »
Chip Bok on US in Libya - "Leading from behind":
Chip Bok on US in Libya - Leading from behind.jpg

fenixproductions

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app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1213 on: February 02, 2013, 08:31:07 PM »
By the way, in case anyone is interested, the voice is Jack Wagner, an announcer famous for being the "Voice of Disneyland" and the recording is available in much better quality, here on archive.org

TaoPhoenix

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1214 on: February 02, 2013, 10:35:28 PM »
By the way, in case anyone is interested, the voice is Jack Wagner, an announcer famous for being the "Voice of Disneyland" and the recording is available in much better quality, here on archive.org

I actually was, the clip with George Carlin was annoying me because it pretty clearly wasn't George. I knew it had to be some kind of announcer - the cadences "just were announcer-y".

Edvard

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1215 on: February 02, 2013, 11:35:28 PM »
I've had this hanging around my hard drives for a while, thought I'd share.  It's been posted in various revisions elsewhere on the net, but here's my version that I've taken some liberties with:

Quote
RULES FOR THE BLUES

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town (2x). Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch: You stuck in a ditch, ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broke-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound Bus or a Southbound Train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anywhere that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg runnin' from the law cause you shot a man in Memphis is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
  • highway
  • jailhouse
  • empty bed
  • bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places:
  • cricket matches
  • gallery openings
  • Ivy League institutions
  • golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old black man, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
  • your first name is a southern State
  • you're blind
  • you shot a man in Memphis
  • your woman can't be satisfied
No, if:
  • you were once blind but now can see
  • you hold elected office
  • you have a retirement plan or trust fund
  • your woman CAN be satisfied

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people have permission to sing the blues.

14. If you ask for water and Baby gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
  • cheap wine
  • bad whiskey
  • muddy water
  • black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
  • mixed drinks
  • kosher wine
  • Snapple
  • SlimFast

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Roll your own Blues name (starter kit):
  • First name: name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
  • Middle name: none, or name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
  • Last name: last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example; Blind Lemon Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

17. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

My new Blues name is Clubfoot Banana Clinton.   :Thmbsup:

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1216 on: February 03, 2013, 12:22:05 AM »
^^ Those were good. I particularly liked this one:

Quote
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1217 on: February 03, 2013, 01:42:55 AM »
This is cute! :D

marijuana-paranoia.jpg

Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1218 on: February 03, 2013, 05:37:39 AM »
Don't know exactly why, but reading that post on the blues made me think of this:


Tinman57

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1219 on: February 03, 2013, 08:04:25 PM »
  A wife texted her husband on a cold February morning "Windows Froze".
  The husband texted back "Pour luke warm water over it".
  The wife texted back 5 minutes later "Computer completely messed up now".

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1220 on: February 03, 2013, 10:24:13 PM »
Such fond farewells...a rather droll comment from reason.com:
(Made me larf anyway.)
Farewell to Chu.pngsilly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content] (Click image to expand/minimise.)

40hz

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1221 on: February 04, 2013, 07:20:11 AM »
here's my version that I've taken some liberties with:


You left out:

When a rock musician starts going bald, it's the end of their career. When a blues musician starts going bald, it's an extra 50 bucks per gig.
 ;)

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1222 on: February 04, 2013, 07:40:18 AM »
When a rock musician starts going bald, it's the end of their career.

That all depends on if they are any good at raking the lawn. ;)
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1223 on: February 04, 2013, 11:11:02 AM »
Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Do the 'kindergarten blues' count as blues? How about the Billionaire Blues ? Can you sing the blues before an IRS audit?

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1224 on: February 04, 2013, 04:11:31 PM »
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

@IainB: Do you think Alan Turingw would have been a good LISP programmer?

Spoiler
Turing's homosexuality resulted in a criminal prosecution in 1952, when homosexual acts were still illegal in the United Kingdom. He accepted treatment with female hormones (chemical castration) as an alternative to prison. Turing died in 1954, just over two weeks before his 42nd birthday, from cyanide poisoning. An inquest determined that his death was suicide; his mother and some others believed his death was accidental. On 10 September 2009, following an Internet campaign, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown made an official public apology on behalf of the British government for "the appalling way he was treated". As of May 2012, a private member's bill was before the House of Lords which would grant Turing a statutory pardon if enacted.[6]

« Last Edit: February 04, 2013, 04:27:56 PM by Arizona Hot »