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Author Topic: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors  (Read 7522 times)

Darwin

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Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« on: February 29, 2008, 11:39:17 AM »
This is tacked to a cork board in my cubbyhole at work - no idea who put it there or what the source is, but I've been wanting to share it for a long time. Finally got around to photocopying, scanning, and extacting the text from it. There are some real gems in here!

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second, 5 in the third. They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity.

Here are 16 actual error messages from Japan:

  • The web site you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist.
  • Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
  • Program aborting: close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.
  • Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
  • Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. windows is like that.
  • Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
  • Stay the patient course. of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
  • A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.
  • Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
  • You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here.
  • Out of memory. we wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will.
  • Having been erased, The document you're seeking must now be retyped.
  • Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Isn't that better than: "your computer has performed an illegal operation"?
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin
« Last Edit: February 29, 2008, 11:41:25 AM by Darwin »

ljbirns

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #1 on: February 29, 2008, 11:45:44 AM »
Darwin

These are wonderful !!  May I pass them on ?
Lew

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #2 on: February 29, 2008, 12:21:03 PM »
Hi Lew - of course you can! I should make an effort, I suppose, to find out the source... the piece of paper posted at work is OLD and it looks like it came from a bulletin board posting somewhere... I'll google the title ( :-[ ok - that's how much of an effort I made before posting - none...) and post what I can come up with.
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #3 on: February 29, 2008, 12:28:46 PM »
heh, heh, searching on the title of the original source (which I simply replicated for the title of the thread) has one hit... this thread!

However, searching for "windows haiku" (without the quotes) yielded this: http://www.crisbrady.net/WinHaiku.html, which presents the original error message side-by-side with the Haiku replacement. Nice  :Thmbsup:

This is the only site I could find that seeks to make any sort of attribution: http://www.jzine.com/poetry/haiku.html It dates to 1998 and features a number more haiku than I have included above. It asks that the haiku not be reproduced without permission, so I'll direct you there!

EDIT: note, in the google search I've included above, there are NUMEROUS hits with variations on the this, but many of them are pretty much word for word what I posted. Good fun  :)
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin

tomos

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #4 on: February 29, 2008, 12:30:22 PM »
loads of gems there
You ask far too much ;D
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
but my favourite has to be
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Screen.... Mind....   ....blank
Tom

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #5 on: February 29, 2008, 12:32:21 PM »
They are rather fabulous, aren't they?

What stuns me is how they are both SPOT ON accurate and yet, just as haiku should be, so... peaceful.

Darwin sits back contentedly, having baited the trap, and waits for Ralf to take it!

EDIT: corrected spelling...
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin
« Last Edit: February 29, 2008, 12:36:30 PM by Darwin »

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #6 on: February 29, 2008, 12:34:11 PM »
Nice. I should have read further down the google results page... here's one of those urban legend busting type websites take on this:

http://www.snopes.co...r/internet/haiku.asp

It links here: http://archive.salon...1998/02/10chal2.html which lists 30+ haiku and the author's name for each. Funny, I don't find the two winners nearly as clever as many of the runners up!
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin
« Last Edit: February 29, 2008, 12:39:52 PM by Darwin »

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #7 on: February 29, 2008, 12:41:48 PM »
Ian Hughes wrote your favourite, Tom! It's the last on the list... The piece was dated Feb. 10, 1998.
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin

tomos

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #8 on: February 29, 2008, 12:42:32 PM »
thought they was too poetic for ms
...
doesnt stop them from being -
just as haiku should be, so... peaceful.
Tom

JennyB

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #9 on: February 29, 2008, 12:45:16 PM »
They seem to have been entries for a Salon challenge in February 1998. (I Googled "disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both")
If you don't see how it can fail -
you haven't understood it properly.

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #10 on: February 29, 2008, 12:50:06 PM »
Hmm... my note about the authorship of "Screen. Mind. Both are blank" got cut off - I had written that I wonder what became of Ian Hughes, ten years on? Perhaps he's even a member here?!
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin

tomos

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #11 on: February 29, 2008, 12:50:35 PM »
here's another couple varying styles :) from the Salon link

I'm sorry, there's -- um --
insufficient -- what's-it-called?
The term eludes me ...

-- Owen Mathews
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

-- Simon Firth
Hal, open the file
Hal, open the damn file, Hal
open the file, please Hal

-- Jennifer Jo Lane
edit/
corrected the last one - file was missing last line
Tom
« Last Edit: February 29, 2008, 01:49:22 PM by tomos »

tomos

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #12 on: February 29, 2008, 12:53:17 PM »
Hmm... my note about the authorship of "Screen. Mind. Both are blank" got cut off - I had written that I wonder what became of Ian Hughes, ten years on? Perhaps he's even a member here?!

 :huh: should we know this Ian ?
what do you mean it ... cut off :tellme:
how do I finish.... :-\
Tom

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #13 on: February 29, 2008, 12:58:33 PM »
I just realized as I cruised back here to read your post, Tom, that this couldn't have been more approrpriate - a computer glitch meant that my post got posted without the second half of my message, which was about the ten years on thing... Regarding Ian Hughes, I was just wondering if he's a member at DC... could happen, right? Anyway, he wrote your favourite haiku from the original post. It's right up there for me, too, and I can't believe it didn't win!
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin

tomos

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2008, 12:17:16 PM »
trying my hand with fixing my sounds problem
(which mainly involves contacting Brandon and asking him can he fix it)
this sort of evolved...

sounds and audio
says: No Audio Device
and all is grey [OK]
Tom

ljbirns

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #15 on: March 01, 2008, 12:34:51 PM »
My cousin is a  retired college professor. He is also very big on all things Japanese.  I e-mailed him , giving the website link that  Darwin provided ( http://www.crisbrady.net/WinHaiku.html ) .  He e-mailed back that one of his students did a paper on haiku and included most of them in the paper.  I asked for the year and the grade but have not heard back yet.
Lew

Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #16 on: March 01, 2008, 05:48:38 PM »
My cousin is a  retired college professor. He is also very big on all things Japanese.  I e-mailed him , giving the website link that  Darwin provided ( http://www.crisbrady.net/WinHaiku.html ) .  He e-mailed back that one of his students did a paper on haiku and included most of them in the paper.  I asked for the year and the grade but have not heard back yet.

 ;D

Plagiarism from web sources is now CHRONIC in university/college...
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin

app103

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #17 on: March 31, 2008, 01:00:43 AM »
Quote
Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

When I was working on my deskbar project, I think I saw that one...right after something I did wiped out all the shortcuts on both of my huge toolbars. (luckily I was smart enough to create a restore point before I started experimenting with things that could/would/did crash Explorer)
 ;D

Jimdoria

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #18 on: April 02, 2008, 03:20:59 PM »
These are fun! Here are some more for the current times:

Vista will digest
Hard disk space and RAM as well
But not these drivers

Such arcane commands
Understanding will not come
It must be Linux

The familiar
Sadly cannot long persist
Farewell to XP

Beloved domain
But I must have missed the bill
CLICK HERE TO BUY MEDS!!!
:D
- Jimdoria ~@>@

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don't.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2008, 03:27:56 PM by Jimdoria »

ian807

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2009, 02:58:18 PM »
Hmm... my note about the authorship of "Screen. Mind. Both are blank" got cut off - I had written that I wonder what became of Ian Hughes, ten years on? Perhaps he's even a member here?!

He's here. He's lurking. He's me.

10 years on, I have transformed from a human to an SDET (http://www.randyrant...what_is_an_sdet.html), but it didn't hurt as much as you might have imagined.


Darwin

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #20 on: February 20, 2009, 03:10:04 PM »
Hmm... my note about the authorship of "Screen. Mind. Both are blank" got cut off - I had written that I wonder what became of Ian Hughes, ten years on? Perhaps he's even a member here?!
He's here. He's lurking. He's me.

AWESOME  :Thmbsup: Welcome to DC and let me just say that I still get a kick out of your haiku 18 months after first having encountered it. Thanks, too, for the link describing what an SDET does (I'd have been googling for it otherwise).

Hope to see more of you on DC  :)
"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin

tomos

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Re: Haiku Poetry Messages for Microsoft Errors
« Reply #21 on: February 20, 2009, 03:27:07 PM »
Hi Ian
author of our favourite haiku :)
welcome to dc!
Tom