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Author Topic: Please Write Software Poems...  (Read 4852 times)

Renegade

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Please Write Software Poems...
« on: November 16, 2007, 07:32:24 PM »
Inspiration here
Please write us some software poems
Short software haiku



Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2007, 07:34:23 PM »
I write GDT
It helps musicians practice
And learn new music
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2007, 07:36:40 PM »
Gmail really sucks
I cannot send a ZIP file
Blame the EXE
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Ralf Maximus

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2007, 07:41:22 PM »
Software poetry!
Like coding very small apps
That never compile

Renegade

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2007, 07:44:05 PM »
My software on *nix?
I try monodevelop...
For cross-platform apps.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2007, 07:46:35 PM »
Software makes me cry
When it doesn't run quite right
Or I lose data. :(
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2007, 07:48:29 PM »
I need to stop this.
Software poems are addictive.
Worse than TD games!
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

app103

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2007, 07:55:55 PM »
It's not a haiku, but about a year ago I recieved this one in an email from a mailing list full of Paintshop Pro freaks:

What's this thing called PSP?
I pondered and I wondered...
I hit this key and that key..
Oh gosh how I blundered!

It scared me to death
The things what were in there,
The 'tools' were all taunting...
Click on me if you dare!

I clicked on the browser
And things went a'flyin...
Scared me to death
And left me a'cryin!

I hit the wrong key
And the toolbar went 'Poof!'
I thought "Oh my goodness,
Did I ever goof!

It said 'open an image' --
An image? What could that be?
This button, that button...
This thing's a'pickin on me!!

But the more I went in there
And the more things I tried,
I no longer feared it,
I no longer cried.

I learned it and learned it
And learned it some more,
Now the rest of my life
I just plain ignore!

So don't bother callin'
I won't answer the phone ....
I'm now a PSP junkie ....
Just leave me alone!!!

-- original poet unknown

I haven't seen that much poetry created out of love for a particular application like I have for Paintshop Pro. This thread should finally satisfy a request I made on my blog last year to see some.

app103

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2007, 07:56:40 PM »
Gmail really sucks
I cannot send a ZIP file
Blame the EXE

Gmail is OK
I can send an EXE
try in a RAR file
« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 07:59:27 PM by app103 »

Renegade

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2007, 08:13:43 PM »
Gmail really sucks
I cannot send a ZIP file
Blame the EXE

Gmail is OK
I can send an EXE
try in a RAR file

Emailed with my mail
Using my own mail server
Next time I'll use RAR :)
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

app103

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2007, 08:18:28 PM »
Gmail really sucks
I cannot send a ZIP file
Blame the EXE

Gmail is OK
I can send an EXE
try in a RAR file

Emailed with my mail
Using my own mail server
Next time I'll use RAR :)


Gmail's scanners fail
when seeing inside a rar
everything slips through  ;)

this is some old news
AOL discovery
they use mcafee
« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 08:21:56 PM by app103 »

Josh

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2007, 08:38:51 PM »
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket in a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer! down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

app103

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2007, 08:39:18 PM »
This is a known fact
McAfee can't scan a rar
It will always fail

On older pc's
It will cause it to freeze up
When a rar is found

Just a rar icon
Is enough to cause trouble
Just being on screen

Switched to AVG
Put an end to my problems
No more freezing up

AVG's now bad
Because they make the popups
Now need new AV

Ralf Maximus

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2007, 08:39:58 PM »
Kind of a rhyming Homeric epic, maybe as run through a Dr.Suess filter...

WHAT THE USERS WANTED

The Users all clamored
For more features they were enamored

The Marketing team listened well
And conjured up a design from hell

The Analysts cringed; their bile they swallowed
Where Marketing tread, the Suits, they followed

So it fell to Designers, weak yet proud
To stem the craptitude from the crowd

They toiled for days, or maybe an hour
The Suits & Marketing grew ever sour

But finally the work was done! A design but completed
Now on to Development, who knew they'd be defeated

By ridiculous plans in shortened time
Stepping over dollars to save a dime

Yet worked they did, their code flew true
And compiled fine, the first time too

And when the code was declared "Complete!"
The Marketers and Suits arose to their feet

And trod in to view the final build,
Born of their sweat and fever thrilled

Upon reviewing it the Marketeers rebelled!
They stood on chairs, waved fists, and yelled!

"We gave you designs most complete,
And yet you deliver this unsavory treat

"There's NOTHING here from marketing studies
Nor tools used from our partner-buddies!

"You've ignored our plans, despite our work...
Explain yourself, you stupid jerk!"

The lead developer, he stood alone
Lord of code, he had no throne

He stood and blinked, his throat he cleared
And what he said, the Coders cheered:

"My friends, my buds, my coworkers in hell
We heeded your words, we listened well

"But what we heard was left unsaid
The things within the users' head

"You asked for jewels on golden strings
But really, all THEY wanted were simple things

"A program that works, and does it reliably
Reports that report, without the calliope

"Simple screens that save real fast
A load-time so short you can't sense it pass

"These are the things to the game we bring,
Without the foorah, the claptrap, the razzle, the bling

"So if you don't like it, I can see by the clock
I'm out of time so you can suck my--

"Wait!" said a Suit.  "You discarded our reams?
You listened but intuited the users own dreams?

"You anticipated their needs, their wants?
I think you're a bunch of arrogant--

"Wait" said a user, who'd snuck in the back
"I think you're much too quick to attack

"Indeed they have sussed our wanton desires!
Your designs should be used to light funeral pyres

"You MUST release this thing, it is mostly profound
I daresay it'll be the best thing around."

Marketing & Suits, they were shocked silent.
Their urges sublimed, else they'd go violent.

The User was right, it pained them to see.
But there was one thing more right, importantly...

The user had money that the Suits wanted
If they would pay for features most stunted...

Who were they to rain on the parade?
When lemons are given, make lemonaide!

"Of course you are right," a Suit interjected
Internally counting the money soon collected

"We'll put this new version into production immediatly
That's the best and easiest route to make you happy

"As for these guys," to the Coders the Suit gestured
The Coders were thrilled, their shares might be vested!

"This is their last project here, you see
We're liquidating the group and going overseas!"

The news was a disaster!  The Coders deflated
Their plans all athwarted, their futures debated

But finally the lead Coder knew a thing he could say,
Some profound words of wisdom that would carry the day.

He stood high on his chair so that all could hear
The Coders applauded but stifled a cheer

He cleared his throat, and these words he did say:
"Fuck you."

tranglos

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2007, 10:39:13 PM »
Inspirational!
Thread about haikus breeds more
at link's other end

http://www.donationc...61.msg86058#msg86058

Renegade

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2007, 06:14:57 PM »
Base two inspired
Writing of technology
Brings fun to forums! :D
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Edvard

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Re: Please Write Software Poems...
« Reply #16 on: November 19, 2007, 11:55:07 AM »
from http://www.poppyfiel...filks/fullindex.html

Quote
Bill's Windows Swill
That Bill-I-Will! That Bill-I-Will! I do not like that Bill-I-Will!
"Do you like my Windows Swill?"

I do not like it Bill-I-Will. I do not like your Windows Swill.

"Would you like it here or there?"

I would not like it here or there. I would not like it anywhere. I do not like your Windows Swill. I do not like it Bill-I-Will.

"In the computer in your house? Would you select it with your mouse?"

I do not want it in my house, will not select it with my mouse. I do not like it here or there. I do not like it anywhere. I do not like your Windows Swill. I do not like it Bill-I-Will.

"Would you use it with a CISC? Would you use it in your RISC?"

Not with a CISC. Not with my RISC. Not in my house. Not with my mouse. I would not use it here or there. I would not use it anywhere. I would not use your Windows Swill. I do not like it Bill-I-Will.

"With a cable modem through a LAN? Use it ! Use it! Use more RAM! You may likeit . You will see. Try it in a new P III!"

Not with your modem or a LAN, DSL or more RAM! Not with a CISC, not with my RISC, not in my house, not with my mouse! No AMD or new P III, Bill-I-Will, YOU LET ME BE!!

"You do not like it, so you say. Try it! Try it! And you may! Try it and you may, I say!"

BILL!! If you will let me be, I will try it. You will see.

(Clickity-clickity-clic*...BOING! FREEZE! CRASH!!)

Say! HEY! I LOATHE that Windows Swill! I do! I loathe it Bill! I knew! I KNEW!
PLease remove it from my house, disconnect it from my mouse.
Keep it and your cheesy CISC, keep it and you leave my RISC.
Please pack up your new P III, return to your MONOPOLY.
Leave me with my stable Mac, close the door and don't come back.

Keep your modem and your LAN,
Your DSL, and more RAM.
Take your software and you SCRAM!!

I will not use code full of SPAM.
I'd sooner eat Green Eggs and Ham!

Note: no Linux was harmed in the creation of this parody.