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Author Topic: Here is my problem  (Read 7128 times)
app103
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« on: November 03, 2007, 01:48:19 PM »

I had thought that I would pass on the whole GOE idea this year, after the disaster it was for me last year.

Getting organized isn't my problem. I am quite organized naturally. Other people's cookie cutter systems aren't going to help with the problem I have. It's possible other people's cookie cutter systems contributed to the problem I have and made it much worse than it was before.

For most people, the things they need to get done have deadlines, consequences if they don't get done. Their real procrastination is putting everything off till the last moment and then going nuts and stressing themselves out trying to make the deadline. Then they need to have it all organized in order to not forget what it is they have to do because of all the stress they have caused themselves.

My problem is that all the things on my todo list that aren't getting done are personal projects that are a labor of love and I have to love it while I am doing it or I just can't.

There is no real deadlines....no real consequences if it never gets done. At the worst, I just disappoint people or let them down. And I don't really care what people think. Other people's opinions about me don't hold any water. I am used to letting people down and disappointing them my whole life. I don't live to live up to other people's expectations of me. I never did. My father even called me the biggest waste of potential he ever met...and he doesn't understand why I never did all the things with my life that I could have, the things he thought that should have mattered.

My personal projects...I really do want to work on them, but at the same time I really don't. And I care, but I don't care.

It's like going out and buying all the ingredients to make a dinner, in cans, and putting everything away all organized in the cabinet and closing it. Then never making the dinner because there is no real need to hurry up and cook it before the ingredients spoil, and you really don't feel like cooking today, and even if you did you don't feel like having that for dinner.

I have tried setting artificial deadlines, but they don't work because I know they are artificial and I just keep pushing it to tomorrow. I can't fool myself. Same thing with setting a personal project with an artificially higher priority, pretending it is more important than it really is. I know it isn't so it won't work.

I have to love it while I am doing it or I just can't do it and I don't know how to do that any more. There is no real reward if I do it, at least none that really matters enough to me to be a motivating incentive to get me moving. And nothing bad will happen if I don't, so it all just sits and collects dust.

I have a lot of creative energy. I always did. I used to have a need to take what was in my head and make it real. This is where the art came from, the applications, the websites, the jewelery, clothing designs, everything & anything that popped into my mind's eye that I could find a way to make it.

The energy is still there, I am still creating things in my head, but I seem to be content to let it all stay as a vision in my head now. I don't feel the need to make it all real, that I once had.

I am lacking a reason that matters. Where or how do I get one?
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Carol Haynes
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« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2007, 02:28:45 PM »

Sounds like me too ... lots of good ideas but no umph to get them done!
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Darwin
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« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2007, 04:48:26 PM »

Yes, this rings true for me, too. Unfortunately, the only thing I have much enthusiasm for these days (that's not paid work!) is noodling. I probably SHOULD take part in the GOE 2007 Experiment but last year was a complete failure from my end and I completely agree with app that some of my lack of accomplishment may in fact be attributed to trying to use other people's cookie cutters!

I'll cut my own cookies, thanks. Actually, I just need to get bloodyminded and get on with whatever I need to be getting on with.
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"Some people have a way with words, other people,... oh... have not way" - Steve Martin
app103
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« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2007, 05:20:39 PM »

After making this post, I went & checked my email. I found a google alert for another blog mentioning one of my applications and decided to check it out.

It was serendipity.

All the thoughts & feelings I am having that are holding me back are all over his blog...over & over...and some possible answers as to why I am feeling like this and what to do about it.

My suggestion is that if my original post sounds at all familiar to you in any way shape or form, start with this guy's first post and take it slow and really try to absorb what he is saying, as you move forward to his more recent posts.

http://odinkirk.com/2007/...post-system-requirements/

Last year's GOE may have been a complete failure for me for a lot of reasons, among them being my inner self didn't meet the 'minimum system requirements'.  Wink
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Darwin
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« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2007, 05:31:19 PM »

Cool - thanks app (I think - his blog is proving a nice diversion from what I really need to get done, but for which I lack enthusiasm. Oh well. This will arm me for the future - the present is just collateral damage in the war on apathy!).
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vaidab
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« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2007, 03:42:45 AM »

I use the following trick for my personal projects:

I set a personal project for each day of week:
Monday - learning italian
Tuesday - programming ajax
Wednesday - programming ajax
Thursday - reading book x
Friday - writing poem/book

Then I try to book each day about an hour for my personal projects (by putting them on my calendar) and then just do it. If there are days I'm skipping my projects due to a lot of work it's ok, they are there for the next week. I find this trick useful for projects that have continuity and no deadline.
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app103
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« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2007, 04:20:18 AM »

The problem is I have done that, even set alarms to go off that say "work on this project now" and at first I just pushed it to ring again later, and then dismissing it till next time it's scheduled to ring, and then eventually just removed the alarms totally from most of them.

If I just don't feel like it I just can't bring myself to do it.

I can't even schedule a tiny part of a project to get it done.

My ebook site is a perfect example...tried to make myself add 5 posts a day...worked for first day...didn't do anything more for weeks.

Tried changing that to one post a day...it has taken at least a month to get 3 posts done.

In 3 months I have managed to make 18 posts. At this rate it will take me about 5.5 years to catch up with the content that belongs on the site...and then there is the new content too.

When I think about it I want to cry, but I just can't seem to make myself want to do it.

The rest of my personal projects are in the same sad state or worse, in terms of desire to work on them.

And things have been like this for over a year.

I seemed to have lost touch with my purpose. And that doesn't leave me with a very good feeling inside.
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nudone
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« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2007, 05:18:51 AM »

i think you have some difficult questions to ask yourself - with answers that are probably just as difficult.

i'm speaking as an expert because i have exactly the same kind of thoughts that you describe (as you well know already).

i have a list of projects that i 'think' i want to do. the fact that i won't live to be 1003 means i won't be able to do the majority of these projects. also, i haven't the energy to do most of these projects. and a harder truth is that i probably just shouldn't be even thinking about such projects for one reason or another.

i think you need to meditate on 'why' you think these projects are worth doing. are they worth doing? are they worth the time and energy. i may say i want to do several projects - i may promise people that i'll do them - but they won't happen. so why go through this process time and time again - thinking of a project, getting excited about it, and then just becoming annoyed by not actually finishing it (or even starting it), AND then after that, beating myself up every time i remember that i've let yet another project fall into the pit of despair.

i'll not stop thinking of new projects and nor will you. the exciting part is thinking of something new, planning it out in your head, seeing the completed article in your mind, feeling the admiration you'll receive from you imaginary audience. that's all done in an instance and it feels really nice. drudging through the actual process of working on the project may seem like an enjoyable experience whilst you still haven't released the project on the world - you can still imagine what a brilliant response you'll get at the end of it so it all seems worth it.

then you finish the first stage of whatever it is and gain some feedback - it's almost certainly going to be positive feedback - and you think how fantastic everything is and it was all worth it. then the next day comes and you realise that the world hasn't changed one single bit. that little thrill you received has now waned. so you think to yourself, this isn't how it was meant to be, this project hasn't lived up to my expectations afterall - i know what i must do - i must start a completely different project that will actually fulfill my expectations this time around. and so the circle is made and you carry on down the loop of forever seeking a new hit to crave you addiction.


okay, that has obviously stated what happens in my head and it may well be nothing like what you are experiencing. but it looks the same to me.

solution: are you expecting the wrong thing from these projects. are they something you'd do in total isolation without any recognition from anyone else - if not, then does your audience really satisfy you. are you doing it for the benefit of others or for yourself - that will obviously determine a great deal in whether these projects are worth doing or not.

my projects? are they so special that the world will one day mourn that they were never completed - not one bit. so, i'd say, don't do anything unless the process is satisfying in itself or you think that the eventual result with change your life in a positive way.
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vaidab
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« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2007, 07:56:37 AM »

Here's an article with some tricks to make yourself do things: http://pigpog.com/node/1462
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mouser
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« Reply #9 on: November 07, 2007, 10:15:02 AM »

My experience is that deadlines are very very important when you actually want to finish a project, so i do think you need to figure out a way to add deadlines to your projects in a way you can live with.
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